If I had got on here earlier I would have seen the result of extreme annoyance, yeh if I start thinking about it again in the same light it will end up a vent with no particular hearer on the other end. Maybe I can rethink in a better attitude? maybe.

A few things, all relating to ‘friends’

J calls me up, she’s lost her Pract. Evang questions. She has other stuff she could go on with but insists that I scan and email her the info. First time I’ve reacted like I did in a long time. Pretty much flatly refused and said I had to call Sam (true) and hung up. I’m sick of her always depending on me to have things when she needs them, she had an opportunity to photocopy it but didn’t. A reminicence of a few years back, yes J and I get on eachothers nerves every now and then. She frustrates me. We are heaps closer than we ever were. It’s strange holding a friendship with your sister’s best friend. I ended up emailing her the questions but not without a ‘take responsibility message’ – had to have the last word. Thought I was over that. I’ll see her tomrrow.

I find out my friend Nat went and saw Starwars this morning. No huge deal, except we’d planned ever since we saw the last one together to see it. That plan still held a few weeks ago. I’ve always wondered about Nat. The others pretty much gave up on keeping any contact with her after school finished as she takes no initiative. I tried, not as hard as I could have. It is hard when it isn’t reciporated. She didn’t come to schoolies with us – 3 years in a friendship group and last minute she has to go to Queensland with her family. My guess with the Starwars thing is that her Dad decided to take her and she being Natalie could not say no I had other plancs. She never speaks her mind, passive passive. I can’t change her. But how could you live a life like that? You’d be miserable.

Jacqui’s too harsh on her maybe, but in some way’s she’s right. Nat’s too hard to read, she’ll never say what she thinks. I’d rather someone be outright with being angry or whatever then hold it inside and just use silence. Does she even care?

Jacqui’s an interesting one… her last year’s strong ‘I hate my church’ and that discussion we had. It was nice once in 3yrs to have a deep conversation. She’s grown, God you know what Jacqui needs. How glad I was to hear her ‘sml grp’ involvement. I should catch up with her.

Yesterday I get an email from ___. Wow, I still exist?! 2.5years, sidelined my end, I had let it go. What is it now? Stilted, awkward I don’t know you any more. It took a long time but it closed well and I was content to leave it there. Strange. why now? I dont think it would ever be the same, but I don’t know where things stand, can you just pretend, does it work that way?

Am I so good at cutting ties with people when I move on?

Are there only those few I want to, or who do make the effort that I bother with?
Jess D. Always my friend. I don’t understand why it works it just does.

and the other few I have been thrown back together with.

It is a new year, a new place, there are new people.

How many will last? How many will want to take the effort? How many just get to busy? I’m partially to blame. How much more value should I place upon friendships and deepening them?

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