I get tired of self evaluation, implimenting change – trying to work out what to deal with next. It’s ridiculous God. Why do I always forget that all I need is to listen to you, seek you, learn to know you. I get so wrapped up in ‘bettering me’. Where’s the balance God in developing charcter and taking self awareness to the point where it cripples you? How God, do I know? Is it when I get down because I feel I’m not learning, not being challenged? Is it when, because of my life and the lack of abundance of busy, or the alternate, too busy to analyse and that being where I go flat. Does so much of my God relationship focus on trying to build up a likeness, while too frequently forgetting about the actual relationship factor?
In my weariness of ‘rebecca evaluation’ I have done just that. re-evaluated me. A good thing as maybe I identified the ‘should be’ obvious. Acting out on changing it is a different matter. Too long God have I looked to you for challenge, for what I do not need as a primary focus. Lord I only need you. How easy it is to get wrapped up in anything else.
God, I think I know what I need, but I really don’t. You know. I do know that I need you every minute, not for what I can learn or become, but for who you are.
Instead of asking for growth Abba, let me know how to love you. To see you as God and to hold you in the highest honor.
You are God.
And if my life does not express that, If I haven’t grasped that concept, then any growth, strength of character is meaningless.
“Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.” – Ecclesiastes 12:13
Because you are God.
You know I like irony, don’t you God? Where I evaluate my evaluations, think about thinking and am forever wrapping myself back to the start.