It took me a lot of ‘doing’ tonight to get over the partially accounted for frustration.
I clean sometimes when I’m annoyed, bothered, angry.
I vaccumed my room tonight, and the hall, and I cooked.
Oh the day was alright. Quite good infact. Slept in until 8:30-9:00, somehow bothered myself with a billion things that needed doing except printing my assignment… which I should do now.
(an msn user here inserts brb.)
(an msn user here inserts back.)
At about 11am Sam walked down, and we waited for Jess.
Caren (Jess’ mum) somehow roped me and the other two (well Sam didn’t have a lot of choice) to come help out at her school’s book week. Taking photos with the kid’s soft toys and helping them write/make stories on PowerPoint.
I wasn’t overly keen, but figured I had nothing to lose. So we went. I don’t know about the other two, but I rather enjoyed myself.
Produced: The Great Jail Escape.
The kids behaved themselves and got mostly involved.
We were a bit late getting back to class. New Testament Tuesday’s. Today (for a change) I found it rather interesting. I ended up sitting next to Elyce, she wants to ‘ask me something’/chat with me tomorrow??? Whatever it is (there is one thing I’d rather she not ask, because yes hmm. I didn’t want to her to know – a good thing, I have a feeling it could be it) I’m fairly glad. I tend to say hello to Elyce a lot of the time and hardly ever get to talk to her. She’s one of the yits girls I really respect.
mmm. So class was both interesting, they did the ‘cultural values’ bit LAST (It’s about time!) and made it interactive. Hurrah for them! I quite enjoyed myself.
Michael is beginning to annoy me with his, “Oh, Bec is so great because she’s coming to Careforce” business. I plan on telling him if I get the chance, that I’d much rather be liked as a person for who I am, not for where I go to church ie: enough is enough… maybe that’s something for tomorrow’s CAF duty, seeing as I generally end up talking ‘church business’/other with him over dishes.
Had an interesting chat to Katie and Jo about money/tithing/offering/faith etc. over the afternoon break in the Student Lounge (this new, relatively undiscovered, warm, couch filled room). A bit to think about.
Went to gathering. They had music. Muchly enjoyed.
End of class. I took a bit of time a) actually finding Rowan to get photos of yits stuff off of his computer. b) getting Tom’s help in attempting to get the Tabor network working with my computer. We gave up in the end and reverted to something or other… some usb thing (not a stick, looked more like a hard-drive, probably was). I was there maybe half an hour later than normal.
The drive home. Sam and I were talking on and off. Jess really quiet. Never a good sign.
Phonecall tonight from Jess about bringing something tomorrow. I took the plunge and asked her what was up.
Re: money issues/petrol. She absolutely hates asking for it. It’s perfectly okay with Sam and I to pay it. Anyway. She didn’t think we were doing it ‘gratefully’ enough or something strange. Which I’ll say, because yeah, when you hand over some petrol money it’s not as if you go all happy chappy ‘here you go!’ with a blonde smile plastered across your face. I just give it. No problems, but I’m not going to make a song and dance about it… there is giving cheerfully, and normally… sure, I would pay her as I pay anyone.
I really don’t understand Jess. We haven’t always gotten along hugely well in the past, and it’s usually been along the lines of personality related misunderstandings. ‘I don’t have any idea how her head works sometimes’. She doesn’t understand my apparent ‘I don’t cares’… maybe hmm, lack of theatricals? My bluntness, my nothing bothers me hugely unless it is well, huge (or the occasional… uh, other)
Gift giving is nothing huge for me, it is way up there for Jess. (how that relates I dont’ entirely know, but it does).
Anyway. Talking on the phone Here’s me doing the ‘talk reasonable, the facts, this is how it is, of course we are grateful’ deal, and she starts crying. Hooray, Rebecca knows brilliantly well how to deal with crying people. I really wanted to ask her if she was ‘pissed off’ at me to just get it out and say so. Some long silences, which I eventually broke because phone silences are stupid. I tried to get through to her that we were appreciative etc… I don’t know how well it worked, anyway she handballed herself to Laura and I was erm, rather glad to get off the phone.
I Jess has a very hard time beleiving people love and appreciate her. I once thought I analysed things, ha no way in comparison to her. When she goes unreasonable like this it frustrates me. I can half understand, but yes. Continual affirmation, is something I also don’t do very well.
So the rest of the evening, I am entirely frustrated. I don’t know if it was just the phone call or other. Whatever. Erghness. To the extent where I wouldn’t have minded smashing something for the sake of it. (haha I write that now and sound so violent). Put on loud music – no Keane or anything soothing (ergh I hate that word, but it works). I cleaned. I cooked Banana Bread (I DID NOT BURN IT – or do anything else wrong for that matter).
I am not angry with Jess, I wasn’t angry with her at all. I do not understand her, this frustrates me. It annoys me that she’s obviously annoyed with me for just acting the way I normally act.
It will probably be a non issue tomorrow from my end anyway.
It is curious how many of my friends (a lot who read this) are ‘feelers’. Yeah I know, belt me over the head with a brick – I will talk personality stuff if I so please….
Sam, Burkie, Dave, Jo, Katie (?), Jonny (?)
(And there you go Dave, there’s a real situation of a thinker’s attempt to understand a feeler and failing.)
And some of the older photos I got off Rowan:
See this much bigger
All the YITS people, End of Term 1 (I think)
See this much bigger
Bec, Sam, Rachel, Elyce, Jo