Something that was very helpful about the Delirious concert was the thing in me that remembered how much I like unsubtle God lyrics.

I’m a bit sick of God songs that can double as human/human love songs.

I was glancing back through the past lot of blogs and was half surprised at how little I’ve mentioned God over the past while. Which could be a reflection of where things are at – although I don’t think so because I know my mind and a lot of it does not make it into words. It is more like I’ve reverted to subtlety. Bah-Boom – not so good.

Raw, tangible something far more intergrated into my speech and life – where is it? It’s funny, I think God can dwell in our heads very easily, which just screams of easy/selfish whatevers and squashes Him into far less than what he is.

If you love someone or have something very important you talk about all the time, you think about it you live for it. Somethings getting a bit in the way of the thought to talk process. Hmm.

You know what?

I get drastically sick of people raving about how good singleness is. About how ‘effective they can be’ *gag* about how it so much more equips them, gives them time to grow, gives them space to be ready for when the time is right. I mean really. It’s one big fat justification for their miserable state. I’m not saying some people don’t enjoy it, employ it, make the time useful. But why why why should we define ourselves as single, nonsingle, married, in a relationship blah blah blah?

The time isn’t going to be right until you let it. You aren’t going to necessarily grow more by yourself, you can do good work regardless of who you are with or not with. There are benefits to both.

Hi, my name is Rebecca I am single, I am cool with that (hey wait, that’s a lie but no, it’s not – it’s just where I am at the moment).

Burkie, you once said to me, I like how you aren’t so wrapped up in relationships but how you aren’t so consumed by singleness (paraphrasing a lot there). Thank you for that.

Yes. I read a lot about both things. Simply because I find them facinating. I like people, I genuinely do – although I don’t always show it. It’s interesting how people relate – or don’t. Who understands how love works anyway? Theories and observations are just that. I’d rather not let relationships be the focus or priority of my brain or I’d end up a miserable little turd crying in corner for Mr. Right. Or someone like the kind of individuals I really don’t admire and can identify in speech and dress and action.

Why the rant? Absolutely no clue. It came out of nowhere. It is not to flash the availabilty flag, or to take it down.

I am who am. Regardless of relationship status. Friendships/Relationships can affect who I am yes, most definitely. Working out who I am aside from what’s been influencing me (inconspicuously) for the past few years is a little of a perogative of mine at the moment. I mean, do we really choose our friends? Or do we just fall in to things most of the time?

People can supress and bring out all these different qualities in me.

Last year, probably the conversation (type) I can suprisingly remember best was one I had with Matt. A good half hour before class started one morning. We were mock arguing. I can’t remember what about now, I think there were a couple of others joining in. Debating some religious or social something. I can remember the same with a girl in year 10 – we used to argue like that simply for the sake of it, for feeling alive, heh passionate maybe even.

I really really miss conversations like that. I like getting worked up about something so that your mind explodes in to this beautiful tongue rapid flurry of precise logic.

I do not have any friends I can do that with now. The turtle like self, or simply bored part of me is far more active.

How that relates to singleness and whatever I was on about before, I haven’t a clue. You work it out.