I have been listening to Sons of Korah’s version of Psalm 80.
Restore us, O God;
make your face shine upon us,
that we may be saved.
A day or so ago I tagged a post that bloglines picked up. I often just skim the posts bought up in that particular blog but for some reason this time I read it through. It’s well worth the read and can be found here.
I’ve been having a bit of trouble answering my own question of where is Rebecca in relation to God at the moment. In many ways I haven’t had any almighty things to overcome and so dependancy has slid. I’ve felt very stuck in the whole hearing anything new. I still pray, I still read the Bible – haven’t been getting too much out of it, but it’s something. It’s not as if I don’t want anything or am even sitting in a ‘dry time’, it’s quite peculiar. It’s like one of those life points where you suddenly realise something has changed and you’re not quite sure when it happened.
Shower time is prime thinking time. So I used it and sat on the bathroom floor afterwards, which is what I do now and then when something is bothering me and I need do some sorting – sitting on the floor in my room with my back to the door is another spot. Dont’ ask me why.
Asked God some questions. It’s as if not that there is no problem so to speak, but it’s that it’s not wordable (or hasn’t been). I get frustrated sometimes when all I hear from God is the ‘love stuff’. It should be enough if you’ve got a good grasp on it. I’m fairly sure that God understands perfectly the rebellion against sentimentality that I have and what procures it, which is a good thing. This meant that when I did honestly ask those questions and attempt to deal with whatever it was – that finally (because it feels like it’s been ages) that God reminded me that he does interact with us in ways that connect with who we are.
It’s not about me. It’s about God. Why do we make Christianity and hearing from God so much about how ‘close we feel to God’. That’s all wrong. It’s nice yes, but it’s not the point.
The irony in this is that when I came again to that conclusion, is that God felt more real then he has in a long time.
I know many friends that are struggling with the God thing at the moment, ha, some of you read this. I know that same place far too well. I know I don’t like it. I know you don’t like it.
I was pointed towards James soon after the bathroom floor conversation.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.” – James 1:2-8
I know of this passage, it’s nice to resdiscover it with an alternate slant (and some context). The trials oddly don’t all have to be rocky and huge and ‘issues’. Being joyful about them? That’s something other altogether.
The restoration doesn’t seem to cease. God works in us and works in us and at the same time does not find fault. This is continual saving and the amazing outpouring of grace from a generous God who loves us in knowing us.