Which ever the wrong side of the bed is, I definitely got out of it this morning. Mothers day right. I spent the car trip to church letting myself be annoyed by her. Hence the start of church felt wrong/awkward. I was not in a good place; I knew it and it frustrated me still in trying to do something about it.
I could not make head or tail of the sermon. It started off about faith and I was keyed into listen, but it was disjointed – some good stuff was said, but systematic wasn’t happening and try as I might, I failed to join the dots. Surprisingly Ezekiel made an appearance, as did the need to encourage, so maybe it was a sounding board for some of this week’s stuff?
I was sitting at home reading some of Big Girls Don’t Whine and letting my mind wander over the week and some of what’s come up. Although I can’t go into explicit detail here I’ve realised I’ve been getting a bit caught up over an assumption I’ve made. Yes, it does have a decent grounding and part of me might even want it to be true even though it would bring up a whole heap of unwanted hurdles, but it’s not helping things. I shouldn’t be going around realising something into actuality until it is concrete. Those who know more of this can laugh their faces off and do the ‘aww’ thing, but I think I want my super realistic, “in the now” view back. It works. It leaves you living far more contented with the way things are. And hey, it eliminates or at least stalls some other problems. To be honest, it’s these side things that have me concerned. I’d rather not delve into the feeling barrel and the mess of my uncharted mind before I need to. Coping mechanism?
I am frustrating myself today. There is much I know and don’t live. Much I want to live and struggle doing so. Peter Pan’ing is not an option even though it’d be easier.
It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.” With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
– 2 Cor 4:13-18