Burks. twice!!! you were going to come visit me at work one day (mbo work) and you didn’t, and the other one you well know was the other day. I don’t mind that much but the facts should be straight.

Sam… thought you might say something about letters

oh, and excuse me, but i have, not only given out my address to people i have never met, but also have written letters to various people i have never met…!

and its very well for you to say dont go there, but i know one or two people who have gotten “internet crushes” on someone, met them in real life, and discovered the real life person is even more amazing and have fallen in love.

ps, this is from one such said person:

“as an aside, there are a few things that must be present in a good ‘online’/'long-distance’ relationship
1. you have to have known them/met them ‘IRL’(in real life) before commiting to the relationship.
2. You have to be prepared to trust the other person a vast amount… and be trustworthy in yourself.
3. you have to have a plan for the future that doesn’t involve internets.”

(Mr. I’ve stood bec up at least twice now)

So here’s the interesting thing. Would I do it again? No, probably not. Am I totally opposed to it? Again, no…probably not. A friend of mine did meet his bride online, and they were separated by the entirety of the Pacific. I;ve seen it work. Mine worked for a good deal of months, too. And I’m nowhere near as downright rejecting of the whole concept as Paul is. But we often clash on such matters.

As for the friendship side of things. I’ve met some 60-70-odd people off Gush. A lot of those have gone on to be some rather good friends of mine, be it online or offline, or both. There is nothing that beats face to face. In fact, there’s nothing that beats face to face with someone you love. But the internet does have its place for plugging up those times post-midnight when people are sooks and don’t come out.

having ‘known’ mish before you… I certainly do know that story. Oh my that was an interesting day. hahaha.

the distance thing is not ‘bad’ as such just an ‘unnecessary evil’ in my eyes – but hey that could come and bite me on the bum some day.

I never said they couldn’t work. Just that I don’t recommend them and its definitely not the way I’d want to go about things.

As you know I met Hamish via online means. It was likely I would meet him in my embark to Melbourne where I would meet other gushers (one being you). I know that day was a bit strange for all of us there.

But I must clarify, I did NOT have any intention of having a relationship by meeting him. Sure, we had a few d & ms online, and you knew what was happening in my life at that time.

I dont encourage online dating. (Ironic?) I think that you really do need to meet the person before you can make a fair judgment. You may end up hurting yourself and somebody else.

As for the distance factor. When Mish and I started there were at least 6 hours between us. I was then blessed by moving to Bendigo, making it 2 hours. For one person, distance is a problem, and for another, they are fine with it. Im both of them. I trust Hamish being so far away, yet I feel miserable because I cant see him often. I see him usually nearly every fourtnight. So I guess it is not such a big issue. I think that distance can sometimes work out good. I think of it like living in Pinnaroo. I couldnt go to the movies or eat maccas every day, but when I could it was a real treat. The same goes for relationships with a distance. Its great when you DO see them. But then its what distance is for you. Is distance the other side of the city? Is distance just not walking distance without a car? IS it overseas?

A friend of mine had an online girlfriend for 3 years. She lived in america, he lives here in australia. He was lucky enough to meet her for the first time over summer. They fell even more in love and now he is MOVING there in a few weeks to go to her uni. I personally would not choose this lifestyle, but you must admit, it’s somewhat romantic.

As screwed up as things were back then, everything is much better now. Things didnt start well, but that doesnt mean there isnt room for improvement!

I think I have written enough
~ Sammy
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I’m glad you put the quotes around ‘likes’.

It’s just impossible. Online communication, as you’ve said, is so contrived. But the ‘likes’ thing…

It’s so easy to make someone feel good or bad about themself in the online context just by meeting their expectancy. IM particularly works with such black and white modes of expression. If you want to make someone feel nice, type a colon followed by a right-bracket and they’ll feel better.

If you want to make a teenage girl fall in love with you (not that I’ve ever tried it), send them the red rose one. It’s pretty easy to be cool and calculated if you really wanted to.

Add to that, some of the extremely interesting developmental theory that I’ve been looking at in my youth ministry subject at college. Piaget and Fowler are two names that come to mind. There is a cognitive developmental theory that floats around which refers to “symbolic function”. It basically asserts that within a varying period from the ages of about 11-16, a young person will not divorce a symbol from its meaning. This phenomenon of psychological development probably explains why early adolesents particularly tend to spam up their usernames with emoticons.

Also relevant, is their “Form of World Coherence” which suggests that early adolescents accept or reject beliefs as absolutes rather than critically analysing parts of them in order to differentiate them from the whole. They embrace a system of belief and ally themselves with it without question. This is also suggested as a great reason why adolescents are attracted to the charisma of a public figure, often without entertaining any skepticism of their integrity, particularly in the absence of different values in their immediate relationship network.

It is potentially dangerous to start a relationship without meeting the person face to face.