Comments on: A Good Love is Hard to Find http://allsaidanddone.com/2006/08/14/a-good-love-is-hard-to-find/ Mon, 01 Mar 2010 08:28:54 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Geoff http://allsaidanddone.com/2006/08/14/a-good-love-is-hard-to-find/comment-page-1/#comment-2162 Geoff Mon, 05 Nov 2007 02:56:25 +0000 http://allsaidanddone.com/2006/08/14/a-good-love-is-hard-to-find/#comment-2162 Rebecca Claire! amAteur! Tina, you'll find the aforementioned discussion over at amateurtheology.org Rebecca Claire! amAteur! Tina, you’ll find the aforementioned discussion over at amateurtheology.org

]]> By: bec http://allsaidanddone.com/2006/08/14/a-good-love-is-hard-to-find/comment-page-1/#comment-2159 bec Mon, 05 Nov 2007 01:11:17 +0000 http://allsaidanddone.com/2006/08/14/a-good-love-is-hard-to-find/#comment-2159 Oh Bec...I'd never seen this post before (I've never come across that book either) and I'm so glad I read it today. I've been told I'm a "typical lawyer" one too many times in the last few months, and it hurts - mainly because I never hear that accusation thrown at men, it's only ever thrown at women, and because when used as an accusation, it encapsulates many of the characteristics you speak of: not being silly and flirty, but being serious, of being interested in intellectual conversations, being strong, valuing reason and rationality (although I'd say I'm also extremely relational). I find it fascinating observing/hearing the stereotypes that constantly float around me, the things that I am ribbed about which a man would never be ribbed about. Most of the time I can laugh, but sometimes it gets wearing - it sounds like you know what I'm talking about!! Oh Bec…I’d never seen this post before (I’ve never come across that book either) and I’m so glad I read it today. I’ve been told I’m a “typical lawyer” one too many times in the last few months, and it hurts – mainly because I never hear that accusation thrown at men, it’s only ever thrown at women, and because when used as an accusation, it encapsulates many of the characteristics you speak of: not being silly and flirty, but being serious, of being interested in intellectual conversations, being strong, valuing reason and rationality (although I’d say I’m also extremely relational).

I find it fascinating observing/hearing the stereotypes that constantly float around me, the things that I am ribbed about which a man would never be ribbed about. Most of the time I can laugh, but sometimes it gets wearing – it sounds like you know what I’m talking about!!

]]> By: Bec http://allsaidanddone.com/2006/08/14/a-good-love-is-hard-to-find/comment-page-1/#comment-2158 Bec Mon, 05 Nov 2007 00:10:56 +0000 http://allsaidanddone.com/2006/08/14/a-good-love-is-hard-to-find/#comment-2158 Thanks Tina! Love what you're saying. Wow old post. There's some really interesting discussion on femininity at the moment over on Ameteur Theology www.ameteurtheology.org Thanks Tina! Love what you’re saying. Wow old post. There’s some really interesting discussion on femininity at the moment over on Ameteur Theology http://www.ameteurtheology.org

]]> By: Tina http://allsaidanddone.com/2006/08/14/a-good-love-is-hard-to-find/comment-page-1/#comment-2155 Tina Fri, 02 Nov 2007 21:30:47 +0000 http://allsaidanddone.com/2006/08/14/a-good-love-is-hard-to-find/#comment-2155 I don’t think I can define femininity, but I know it is not limited to the silliness the Eldredges claim it is. My friend gave me Captivating after raving about how it changed her life and would definitely change mine. I read it with anticipation but within a few pages my heart was pounding in anger and concern over the misuse of Scripture. Eve was not "the crown of creation", nor God's final and best creation, after which He could rest. I have no business to look at the world around me and proclaim, "this would all be incomplete if I didn't exist". Scriptures were often taken out of context, and interpreted in a way that they would apply to women and the recovery of the 'truth' that we were made to express beauty. Quotes were taken from songs, movies, novels, and other secular sources, and used as proof that these ideas are true, but not from the Bible. Also, the universalism of the message was emotionally exhausting. I never cared for makeup, dresses, twirling before admirers, and being told I was beautiful. I loved books, and building things, and deep existential discussions, and writing short stories, and being appreciated for the person I was INSIDE. I felt very condemned by the message of this book. The Eldredge's maintain that every woman, yes EVERY, is longing to be rescued by a Prince, pursued and romanced by a man, and told she is beautiful and accepted, OR . . . she is unaware that she wants these things. There is even the example of a woman who (in their words) put up walls to hide these truths from herself, but as she denied wanting them, the walls came tumbling down and she began weeping in a room full of people. I have never wanted those things - I wanted to be the hero who risks her life for a grand noble cause and saves the day, or the village, or the entire human race! The more I read this book, the less beautiful I felt because I started wondering if I was a defective woman. There was no room for women like me in their personal brand of theology. In the end I chucked it and decided to be the woman that God made me to be - intelligent, interested in the deep things of life, and the even deeper things of God, and absolutely bored by shopping, fashion magazines, 8th grade conversations about crushes, and Julia Roberts movies. And do I think I'm feminine? ABSOLUTELY. I'm feminine because I live as authentically as I can. That to me is the closest definition I can come up with. A feminine woman is one who lives as close as possible to the person God created her to be. I don’t think I can define femininity, but I know it is not limited to the silliness the Eldredges claim it is. My friend gave me Captivating after raving about how it changed her life and would definitely change mine. I read it with anticipation but within a few pages my heart was pounding in anger and concern over the misuse of Scripture. Eve was not “the crown of creation”, nor God’s final and best creation, after which He could rest. I have no business to look at the world around me and proclaim, “this would all be incomplete if I didn’t exist”. Scriptures were often taken out of context, and interpreted in a way that they would apply to women and the recovery of the ‘truth’ that we were made to express beauty. Quotes were taken from songs, movies, novels, and other secular sources, and used as proof that these ideas are true, but not from the Bible.

Also, the universalism of the message was emotionally exhausting. I never cared for makeup, dresses, twirling before admirers, and being told I was beautiful. I loved books, and building things, and deep existential discussions, and writing short stories, and being appreciated for the person I was INSIDE.

I felt very condemned by the message of this book. The Eldredge’s maintain that every woman, yes EVERY, is longing to be rescued by a Prince, pursued and romanced by a man, and told she is beautiful and accepted, OR . . . she is unaware that she wants these things. There is even the example of a woman who (in their words) put up walls to hide these truths from herself, but as she denied wanting them, the walls came tumbling down and she began weeping in a room full of people.

I have never wanted those things – I wanted to be the hero who risks her life for a grand noble cause and saves the day, or the village, or the entire human race! The more I read this book, the less beautiful I felt because I started wondering if I was a defective woman. There was no room for women like me in their personal brand of theology.

In the end I chucked it and decided to be the woman that God made me to be – intelligent, interested in the deep things of life, and the even deeper things of God, and absolutely bored by shopping, fashion magazines, 8th grade conversations about crushes, and Julia Roberts movies. And do I think I’m feminine? ABSOLUTELY. I’m feminine because I live as authentically as I can. That to me is the closest definition I can come up with. A feminine woman is one who lives as close as possible to the person God created her to be.

]]> By: christina http://allsaidanddone.com/2006/08/14/a-good-love-is-hard-to-find/comment-page-1/#comment-831 christina Tue, 15 Aug 2006 05:18:00 +0000 http://allsaidanddone.com/2006/08/14/a-good-love-is-hard-to-find/#comment-831 Great post Bec! It would seem that we have things in common other than blogging! I would not see myself as a terribly stereotypical female either. I can't recall shrieking ever...! I likewise can't be bothered with boy meets girl flicks, I can't stand Who magazine or any of its equivalents, and love nothing more than a heated theological debate over coffee. An interesting thing to throw into the mix re church and men and their difficulties in engaging is this: Who actually leads the church? Is it not predominantly men? So if spirituality is "feminised" either perceptually or actually, men who lead churches do so in this manner. I think also that part of the struggle is in how we understand God. We refer to him as male, and acknowledge female attributes - usually attributed to nurturing images. However, our socially constructed understandings of gender just don't cut it when trying to come to terms in our limited way of who God is. Sorry to rant - you have just hit on one of my favourite topics! Great post Bec! It would seem that we have things in common other than blogging! I would not see myself as a terribly stereotypical female either. I can’t recall shrieking ever…! I likewise can’t be bothered with boy meets girl flicks, I can’t stand Who magazine or any of its equivalents, and love nothing more than a heated theological debate over coffee. An interesting thing to throw into the mix re church and men and their difficulties in engaging is this: Who actually leads the church? Is it not predominantly men? So if spirituality is “feminised” either perceptually or actually, men who lead churches do so in this manner. I think also that part of the struggle is in how we understand God. We refer to him as male, and acknowledge female attributes – usually attributed to nurturing images. However, our socially constructed understandings of gender just don’t cut it when trying to come to terms in our limited way of who God is. Sorry to rant – you have just hit on one of my favourite topics!

]]> By: dan http://allsaidanddone.com/2006/08/14/a-good-love-is-hard-to-find/comment-page-1/#comment-830 dan Tue, 15 Aug 2006 03:17:00 +0000 http://allsaidanddone.com/2006/08/14/a-good-love-is-hard-to-find/#comment-830 Rebecca, nice post...for most of it i had a little smile on my face. which i thank you for! can't say i really relate to the whole 'male feardom at church'...but i can see it, its slightly frustrating that chaps seem to feel think way, and perhaps they lack social skills, but if that is the case then they really need to improve them. i can't seem to grasp how they could whinge about not being 'accepted' at church when they don't put in the effort and take a lunge to become more social with those at church. really.. who cares if you feel awkward or feel like a dickhead (excuse the bluntness) for a moment. it's all about taking a step, and if it should fail...it's not their loss!!! i'm not about to travel down the path of "what is femininity" far to broad and im not sure any answer given would sound the way i wish it to or portray my exact idea of the term. as for that part of your brain...if there is something that im facinated by it's the brilliantness of God and the uniqueness of us all, and im pretty sure you're the only Rebecca ....... in the whole world and i think you're a marvellous indivual just the way you are ;) check ya wednesday Rebecca, nice post…for most of it i had a little smile on my face. which i thank you for! can’t say i really relate to the whole ‘male feardom at church’…but i can see it, its slightly frustrating that chaps seem to feel think way, and perhaps they lack social skills, but if that is the case then they really need to improve them. i can’t seem to grasp how they could whinge about not being ‘accepted’ at church when they don’t put in the effort and take a lunge to become more social with those at church. really.. who cares if you feel awkward or feel like a dickhead (excuse the bluntness) for a moment. it’s all about taking a step, and if it should fail…it’s not their loss!!!
i’m not about to travel down the path of “what is femininity” far to broad and im not sure any answer given would sound the way i wish it to or portray my exact idea of the term.
as for that part of your brain…if there is something that im facinated by it’s the brilliantness of God and the uniqueness of us all, and im pretty sure you’re the only Rebecca ……. in the whole world and i think you’re a marvellous indivual just the way you are ;)
check ya wednesday

]]> By: hancakes http://allsaidanddone.com/2006/08/14/a-good-love-is-hard-to-find/comment-page-1/#comment-829 hancakes Tue, 15 Aug 2006 01:49:00 +0000 http://allsaidanddone.com/2006/08/14/a-good-love-is-hard-to-find/#comment-829 Hey Bec, interesting article: What (Not all) Women Want...it made some very good and some very valid points, but reading through I felt it was just a little bit bitter. As well as a fair bit of out_of_context quoting or paraphrasing it also headed towards glorifying the less feminine side...hmmm. Obviously there needs to be a balance. as for you, you're hardly unfeminine. I like what you say about love, it should be hard and true and good. peace the little blister xo Hey Bec, interesting article: What (Not all) Women Want…it made some very good and some very valid points, but reading through I felt it was just a little bit bitter. As well as a fair bit of out_of_context quoting or paraphrasing it also headed towards glorifying the less feminine side…hmmm. Obviously there needs to be a balance.

as for you, you’re hardly unfeminine.

I like what you say about love, it should be hard and true and good.

peace
the little blister xo

]]> By: Laura http://allsaidanddone.com/2006/08/14/a-good-love-is-hard-to-find/comment-page-1/#comment-828 Laura Tue, 15 Aug 2006 01:06:00 +0000 http://allsaidanddone.com/2006/08/14/a-good-love-is-hard-to-find/#comment-828 Bravo! I love this post Bec - felt like giving a round of applause at the end of reading it all...yeah I know I actually got to the end of it...now I've got lots to think on : ) Love the more sterotypical feminine Twin Bravo! I love this post Bec – felt like giving a round of applause at the end of reading it all…yeah I know I actually got to the end of it…now I’ve got lots to think on : )

Love the more sterotypical feminine Twin

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