quiet-pattern.jpgThe past few insane weeks have demanded a certain overdeveloped interest in rest in order to recover a certain kind of sanity and control. I find that the thing I truly crave is the space to explore whatever is going on in my head and simultaneously, the space to find something to explore in depth. Regardless of whether this is some odd hobby/random goose Google chase or something quite profound, it matters not.

Life in my head is exciting, it’s easy, it’s malleable and realistically I’m a better person when it’s just me dealing with me or with imaginary scenarios. I am more eloquent, I am older, I am more sophisticated. I’m better at living life for God in my head, my attitude is cleaner, my theology clearer.

I found myself sitting on the train – a somewhat decent place to think, although I’m generally too tired or too busy eavesdropping – wishing that I could just do it all in my head. It has been a few too many days so I cannot recall the exact contextual stimulus but I think that it related to reflection on my generally less than positive attitude towards most things.

I never did share properly about what went on at Forge, but there was a fairly significant session for me of networking with others around a common ‘second place’ – university. I was challenged inadvertently through the stories of others and their ‘struggle’ to live out their faith in such a rich and real setting.

To be starkly honest I’m fairly crap at talking about ‘God stuff’ in the university context. I’ve had very, very few friends that haven’t had some kind of Christian background. God came up a little bit at Deakin, but usually in the utter crushing of RE (Religious Education) in schools. So much so that I now think pretty lowly of it.

So, a new University. Post thought, I wanted to be really honest. When something matters you talk about it. When you have an opinion on almost anything else, you voice it. I am utterly in love with the Creator of the Universe and I struggle (for that is the word) to let it show. That’s generally marked as a battle when we look at in the verbal within our so called Christian lives. Not to entirely squash self-encouragement because I managed to have quite a decent conversation with a girl I hang out a fair bit with about church and what I think about giving but I think that it as an issue also translates fairly heavily for me less as action but more into attitude. I am not a very positive person and when I really stop and think about it, a slight feasible exaggeration could hardly match what I’ve got ‘going for me’ and less selfishly, all that is right and God given and grace inspired. Why don’t I live like I’ve discovered something wonderful that dictates so much of how I hope I approach life?

After my, “It’s a wonderful life in my head” thoughts, I rocked up at homegroup. John had an assignment paper he had to share and so talked about living faith within the context of experiential education. I was challenged through the section in Luke that talks about how a tree bears fruit and is recognised by it’s fruit… I’d happened to be reading it recently. Fruit? Good fruit? Where?

The overflow of gratefulness of the presence of grace within our lives should drive us to integrity, self denial, trust and a desperation in chasing Christ and living in his likeness. Perhaps even a certain kind of joy?

I live very tamely. My adventures happen mostly where it is safe around nice Christian people, online or in my head where it is also safe.

It’s that whole old, worn and tired, over quoted ‘faith without works is dead ‘from James. Don’t let it be old.

“Grace is not simply leniency when we have sinned. Grace is the enabling gift of God not to sin. Grace is power, not just pardon… it is the power to press on in obedience” (The Pleasures of God – John Piper)

“It is a fuller function of faith that it honors him whom it trusts with the most reverent and highest regard, since it considers him truthful and trustworthy… So when the soul firmly trusts God’s promises, it regards him as truthful and righteous… When this is done, the soul consents to his will. Then it hallows his name and allows itself to be treated according to God’s good pleasure for, clinging to God’s promises, it does not doubt that he who is true, just and wise will do, dispose, and provide all things well.

Is not such a soul most obedient to God in all things by his faith? What commandment is there that obedience has not completely fulfilled?… This obedience, however, is not rendered by works but by faith alone.” (Martin Luther)

I wonder how really real I am about some of the God stuff sometimes. So much goes on in my head. So much should be translated into life, into action, into word, into attitude and it gets sadly left behind.

We don’t chase the areas where we are required be courageous. We don’t chase truth out loud, we chase it in quiet where it does little harm but also little good.

Christianity General

autumn.jpgA short interlude to point you to some music that I like while I have breakfast, clean my room, prepare to make good headway on assignments and so come to writing that ‘half decent blog post’ that I’ve been at least thinking about.

My immense apologies for the severe lack of decent content lately.

Do check out Lior – discovered through my housemate and apparently Triple J’s best album of the year (some year or other). This is fantastic home alone with a lamp on as the only source of light, relaxing, drinking coffee music. The album itself is titled Autumn Rain which is quite apt considering the weather the past few days and this infamous season.

Life Music

This blog today was described by one of my youth girls as one with those ‘socks at the top’.

We received some very positive feedback from at least one of the kids today. Youth is definitely a ministry with mountains if not whole glaciers of issues, mostly in where to take it but it’s encouraging to see God working in this kid’s life quite significantly and have him say directly that youth has been a huge part of that.

The other feedback received from after church today was that now people outside my immediate family have placed bets on, “When it’s all going to happen” (the Geoff me thing) which is, I think, highly amusing a little because it’s really just no secret to anyone that it’s heading in that direction.

I was party hopping yesterday between Katerina and Jess VW’s 21st’s. Both significantly different. Kat is half Croatian so there was some pretty impressive and some slightly unusual food along with a rowdy 80’s theme. Not as many people I knew as I thought there’d be – although she was space limited. The evening at Jess’ I spent much of helping Geoff run around attempting to fix techie things, but that was a classy/enjoyable/dessert and sit around chatting (+ dancing for some) time. Each party was quite enjoyable although I was incredibly full by Jess’s, sadly so as the desserts were insanely good (here’s to being given ‘take home’ leftovers!).

I also heard from my cousin Jaclyn who is currently over nannying in Canada. She’s guest blogged over on outWORD it’s good to hear what she’s been up to – she’s very, very good quality and the closest female cousin to my age.

While I’m bits and pieces blogging, I have devised a strategy to solve my, ‘must get on top of homework’ dilemma. It does I admit involve wagging a class or two but will conserve what would otherwise be wasted time. I like being effective, productive and what not and it’d be nice to have a clean room again that displays that in all its glory.

For now I must sleep. There is a more significant thought based post coming sometime, it’s been brewing, I just have to find the appropriate mental energy.

Perhaps tomorrow night…

Life Ministry

arabian_illustrator_about_herbs_treatise_by_dioscorid_lentil_fine_art_prints_s.jpgIgnoring the doom and gloom of last night’s post and proceeding on in merry: still too much else to do to write decently fashion, today I finally came to the realisation that it was Autumn. I did have to be told and I should’ve known as I am quite aware that my birthday takes place in this altogether fine season of lovely colours and noisy leaves.

It’s a rather large birthday this year. The big Twenty One. Part of my evening was spent discussing and mentally drooling over deserts with my sister for our will-be-late 21st. I’d say all my readers are invited, but you aren’t – we are space limited and hey you could just be some random internet person. Being a twin now for 20 odd years I am finally getting used to sharing my birthday. Maybe. I still had the debate over the two cakes or one.

Laura and I forever seem to wind up never buying or having a present ready for eachother on the day. It’s always a few weeks or months down the track when we’ll realise while consumerising (I did just make that up) and say, “I want this, can you buy it for my present? I’ll get you something.”And we do, and that’s how it works and that’s how I like it.

This year that unspoken law will be enforced due to a severe lack of finances. We have however set the often stingy bar of cost a fraction higher.

Aside from recognising the season I am also coming to terms with the fact that apparently you have to make some kind of small (or large) speech at your 21st.

I do not like public speaking however I’m beginning to feel the pressure to ‘get over it’ from certain individuals that know me quite well… The strange boy likes public speaking!

If I can fit the word conceive into my speech, money shall come my way. Anyone willing to top the $5 bet?

Don’t expect much. I’ll make sure I transcribe it here so those of you that missed out can see what amazing words I have to share.


thinker.jpg“The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV)

This verse has come up twice today. Always interesting. It leaves you wondering what God is trying to get through – and does he infact even work that way…?

I want some space so badly, space to think, to sleep, to pray, to just be as introvertish as I like. Some time to do nothing. I’m only on here to process my head. It’s this or sleep and I need to dump somewhere. Somehow I used to find time for all that. Where oh where has it gone!? Quiet. I so desperately need it. It isn’t doing me or anyone around me any good and I’m sitting in this odd cycle of no real spare useful me time and I’m hating it.