It was perfect.

Last night we had a discussion around community and our community and building community with the Missio crew and Dave Andrews. We were reminded that God is good and merciful and just and these characteristics can be found in all kinds of places certainly not just in the typical Christian ideas’ where these things show up. God is all around us and in many things we maybe don’t’ want him to be.

I have recently read an exceptional book: ‘Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art’ by Madeline Le’Engle.

“If our lives are truly “hid with Christ in God,” the astounding thing is that this hiddenness is revealed in all that we do and say and write. What we are is going to be visible in our art, no matter how secular (on the surface) the subject may be.”
― Madeleine L’Engle, Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art

So here I am, in my rental in the North of Melbourne.
I have a kid, I work a bit – for myself and struggle with the tension of this and being a parent and giving my own life space. I am married to a teacher, he’s great, I’m super proud of him and we moved and changed a lot about our life so he could work in a disadvantaged school, doing the stuff he’s meant to be doing. And I often feel stuck at home not being terribly hmm… influential? Out doing ‘kingdom stuff’ (dumbest phrase if I ever heard one, but it’s late and my brain is a tad fried).
I want a house (eventually when we can afford one) and I want to travel even though sometimes I feel guilty about these ‘wants’ when clearly we already have so much.

And here is Jesus too.

Lets not aim for lights on hills, but to be leven in dough so mixed up you can’t tell the difference (pinched that one right from Mr. Andrews) There’s some Christianese for you to mull over when contemplating being in this world but not of it. eg. You are not a freaking alien with three eyes and your holiness cape come to rescue the world. You are human and are already here.

Rather than highlighting where I am not being present (hola, look at my life). Where I am already being present?

In breastfeeding Claire. I literally cannot do anything else. No that’s not quite true. I can play on my phone, there’s a whole external inner reality in the internet. But many times I cannot play on my phone and I certainly can no longer watch anything while I feed her or she doesn’t feed. I found this one of the hardest things in having a baby. I like to be busy and to get things done even if it is relevant to collating ideas etc. but I had to stop. I don’t always do this terribly well, but it is an enforced stop where I can – if I’m in a reasonable place use it to be present to what is going on. My life is richer for it.

Behind the camera. Oddly I am more present when I have a camera lens to my face – when I’m shooting a wedding. Perhaps it is the necessity to be finely tuned in to what is going on, to be attentive to the moments so as not to miss them. It teaches me to be observant and to be there in the moment.

I will keep looking out for places I am most present so as to continue to cultivate this stillness. There is joy hiding.

See Sammy Blog

Measured Words

In terms my own moments… the terribly odd March heatwave has crushed my motivation to do very much at all. It is an effort to keep the house clean and my spawning of sorting (a month or so back before I got busy with work) has left a trail of destruction that is messing with my perceived comfort levels. The study is a bomb. The baby is also so terribly not into sleeping its not funny, with a record of waking four times between 10 and 1am (what!? how is this even possible!). Lent continues… without me playing along terribly well (did you just read the few sentences above… they are quite clearly complaint) however it is making me much more aware of when I do ‘waste words’. Lent, this year, if I have not said before is about not complaining simply for the sake of it. Terribly enlightening (and perhaps a little depressing) to recognise how much of my conversation is really rather negative.

I have this ‘old’ song on record – accordingly. It is beautiful truth.

O Holy God of Truth
O loving God of mercy
Compassionate God of life
Forgiveness to me give

In my wanton talk
In my lying oath
In my foolish deeds
My empty speech

As Thou wast before
At my life’s beginning
Be Thou so again
At my journey’s end

Soul Survivor for the year fast approaches. I have been shooting some more weddings which makes me super happy and getting more photography enquiries which is exciting and I am going to to discuss what work could look like back at Blick (design studio) for a day or two a week later today… or not at all (beyond freelancing for them) – which is a scary prospect for the bank account but could be liberating. Our ‘diet’ continues, it’s not too hard and seeing some results is nice – fitting back into old clothes is even nicer.

There are more moments to come.

Naturally I am hungry for snacks I don’t usually eat.

I currently weigh (approx, due to the fluxuating nature of your weight when breastfeeding) around 68kg. I would like by mid year to have lost 10kg, this is lower than my pre-pregnancy weight but I could’ve afforded to lose a few back then.

Tonight’s dinner smell delicious. Roast Lemon Thyme Chicken with red onion and pumpkin and steamed greens. Salad Rolls for lunch and Museli for Breakfast with a few bits of fruit for snacking on.

The other benefit of this small experiment is that we will cook a greater variety of food. I am a tad overwhelmed by the basics in some sense but practically it should be quite easy to follow. I need to sit down and sort a few things out so our grocery bill wont be astronomical – because theoretically that should improve too.

Day 1. 68kg. Muesli, Salad Roll, Fruit, Chicken.

Bookclub tonight. Oh dear, I do hope my pastry chef sister doesn’t bring something too good to pass up or there goes one of my 2 indulgences for the week.

Coffee and tea are allowed. This is rather important, I would probably not be trying this otherwise.

Later this month we are going away for four days for our first ‘family holiday’. I let myself be controlled by my spend thrift, tight ass brain and it nearly didn’t happen. We need to make these memories.

Some of my fondest memories are of family holidays, some of them are bitter and akin to gale force winds while camping with wombats shoving their faces and bums at you through a tent, all out wars over board games and endless maths homework in the retro’est of shacks with the worst weather while being sick. But most of them are of togetherness, fun, family, seeing new places and trying new things. Of climbing the Pinnacle in the Grampians. Of hiking up the top of a mountain in the Flinders ranges – just me and dad, of lying on the beach in Mallacoota scouring the paper to see if I’d made it in for a study score over 40, of canasta and 500, of tenting with Laura while the rest of the family were in a caravan, of lazy afternoons reading on the beach, icecream in Sorrento, walking the back-beach in Rye, damper and campfires and marshmallows and bagpipes in the middle of nowhere, of walks by myself in early morning up lonely hills, roadtrips with time passing games, and card game after board game after card game.

My family did holidays real good. I’d like to do the same.

“Photography is not good at very many things- it is a poor storyteller if what you want is a didactic or linear narrative. You can read a book for that. Rather, photography is uniquely suited for addressing the ‘ever-passing present moment’ – which really means it’s more akin to poetry. It is good at emphasizing certain notes, tones, elements, and emotions – and lingering on them in time and space long enough to feel awkward, compelled, agitated, soothed, or simply paused… even struck… urged to reconcile with the moment that you are viewing.” - Kurt Simonson

pinched from Lehua Noelle

My average day (at home and not during holidays) with a six month old to offer some kind of vague idea is something like this:

Wake up a 7am and feed Claire, if she makes it to 7, hooray! (This has not been the case the past few weeks, damn teeth). Change nappy, find cute clothes (of which we own far too many because my mother has scourged and purged all of Melbourne’s opshops of their finest girls clothes – I’m sorry everybody).

Then we have a play on the rug out in the lounge-room together, I leave her to her own devices: toys, schemes etc. while I make breakfast and tea – although I usually hesitate with the tea and decide to wait until she’s back in bed so I can enjoy it properly, or I have two cups. She watches me eat. Wears out pretty quick in the morning so it’s back to bed by about 8.30am.

I then have that cup of tea and attempt to sit down and journal/pray on a good day, then I clean some of the house or I go straight to um… the computer – to which I am still sorely addicted. To either Facebook or Lightroom and sometimes Pinterest. After a really bad night (not too often) I’ll go back to bed, but I always feel like it’s a bit of a waste of time…

Claire is ‘supposed’ to sleep to 11am. She now usually makes it to 10.30am. If she wakes up before this I change her nappy and put her back to bed.

She gets up, feeds and we play or read books – I’m a huge advocate for reading lots of books – Peepo is still the favourite, or if I need to clean up in her room she plays on the floor in there or I fold washing or something while she kicks around on the floor, sometimes put some music on. Has some ‘solid’ food at lunch time… still trying to coordinate how to get her and my lunch happening at the same time and I’m still trying to sort out the wide world of food for babies (which mildly terrifies me because a) there are so many things they can try and should try and can’t always try just yet b) I’m quite unorganised in this department. Consequently I am using purees despite a bit of a desire to run with baby-led weaning, but I’m hoping to change that now she’s hit the 6 month mark.

Back to bed 12.30-1pm for her and I do whatever in the afternoon.

Up between 2-3pm, feeds again. More playing etc. get outside, in an ideal world go for a walk… Down at 4.30pm up at 5.15pm and a play and some more solid food. Cranky time. Dad gets home and all is happy again and I palm her off to Geoff. Bath and feed and then bed by 6.30-7pm. Then we eat dinner and typically crash infront of the TV, or I hole up in the study and edit photos.

Stay up until 10.30pm, when I feed her again and then usually hit the hay. She’ll wake up once (mostly) about 2 or 3am and feed and go straight back to sleep, as do I. And fingers crossed for a 7am start again.

Repeat.

Essentially I run with a ‘flexible’ routine. Based roughly on the Save our Sleep stuff – some of which is bollocks, but it provides a reasonable framework. I don’t let it stop me leaving the house and I know a few crucial things that help make things just work eg. that 4.30pm nap is an important one! I’m still working out solid food for her and the reduction in sleep that happens around this age along with the joys of teething.

Tip from me to you: for babies who detest baths, let them sit up (not recline leisurely) and introduce bath toys… it took us 5 and a half months to work this out.

Ask me anything.

I was going to step out every single one of them but I think perhaps a few key mentions.

Some of the best of a medium book year.

Bringing up Bebe – Pamela Druckerman
I had a baby this year. That’s big. This book is authentic. Interesting and needless to say, relevant. Except that I am not in France. I wish I was in France.

The Lacuna – Barbara Kingsolver
Not what I expected. Hard work. Somewhat haunting. I feel like I didn’t know enough of the history to do it justice.

Le Grand Meaulnes – Alain Fournier
Immensely satisfying and devastating. A bookclub read. The whole thing dripped of unfairness and lost childhood.

The Go-Between – L.P. Hartley
The pawn in a lovers game. This was brilliant. A rich read. Another bookclub selection.

The Alchemist – Paulo Coelho
I really didn’t think much of the first half at all, much to the disgust of Catherine… however there was something about this book. Poignant like the Little Prince. Perhaps it was trying a little hard but it plucked at insights with deft fingers and caught you up before you realised it.

The Hunger Games – Suzanne Collins
Definitely the most fun read of the year. Loved it! Best page tuner since Harry Potter. A genre right up my alley and surprisingly well crafted despite it’s popularity.

So there you have it the overview overlap: baby, hard work, satisfying, rich, poignant, fun.

My year.

And for 2013?

Books: I hope to read at least 30 and delve into some which I have had the intention of reading for quite some time, beginning with Great Expectations (with a little Terry Pratchett on the side to keep things amusing) and to return to some theological/poetic reads to keep the mind and heart turning, beginning with Simple Spirituality (which I have already started) and a little Le’Engle on the side.

Life: To be more present. To be more creative and intentional in how I spend my time.

Follow what I’m reading on Goodreads (PS. this site ticks lots of my boxes: books, stats, lists, categorisation. Love it.)

…oh yeah, I totally stole this post idea from Christop

She makes me madly happy.