3 posts today. A bit extravagent, but I’ve somehow been sitting on three (or more levels) at which God has shown me various stuff. Today has been not far short of mind blowing.

After an indepth discussion on worship last night:

Rebecca Other person


…’wow lets get pumped for God’…. its hard to explain… something just really dont go down well, in my head or what? style is a factor that plays a little too much into stuff. but I really dont enjoy it.

zeals a thing I’ve kind of been weighing up lately… the whole abandon to God thing has always thrown up barriers to me… I mean Im ok when Im on my own.

but that took me long enough to ‘work up courage to even ask God’ to change… ‘being bored’ with him… alone.

I guess it’s me finding a way I can love God with my heart, soul, strength, mind etc… and still be conservative bec, but not conservative, comfortable.

passionate doesn’t equal jumpy hyper etc
you can be passionate and still “conservative”
i think passion is internal, not about jumping etc

but surely there is external expression… somehow

but it will affect the way you speak and live but it doesn’t mean you have to change your personality

I know there is… like I’ve never been a huge, say ‘crier’ so to speak. and God will make me cry. when I’m on my own. etc…

it sometimes feels the church world is pushing for that outward expression and leaves behind those not comfortable with it…

outward is expression as you said is hardly evidence of passion.

i guess what i was thinking is that if you’re a quiet person, being passionate doesn’t mean you have to become like… xxxx for example…. different personality

but if you’re fully sold out and passionate for God, then that passion will affect the way you live, the way you speak, etc

although when you’re at church and you really connect with God you will respond… whether that’s physically or in your heart… it’s about a lot more than that

There was a lot more to it, and I’ve cut out heaps…

Anyway, today God showed me Matthew 22:37 again:

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind”

He pointed out to me (I think, or my head did 🙂 that no where did it stress the physical aspect of it: even the simplicity of raising hands or closing eyes.
The importance and emphasis is on the, all your heart, soul and mind.

Zeal doesn’t have to be in our hype, those other factors are far more important.

Worship is a lifestyle afterall (or should be).

It’s who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That’s the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship.
John 4:23 (MSG)

We need to each express our worship as suits us best, truthful to who we are in telling God how much we love him. Become genuine.


I have a heap to write. Firstly, Anzac day. Haven’t really done anything but it reminded me just before o fan Anzac dawn service that we went to in the Solomons, it must have been 4 years ago. Our motive – the free breakfast, ha! with real bacon and orange juice (luxuries). As it turned out I think I got ham and not bacon.
I can remember being cold, excited and bored all at once. The trumpet – when it was blown funnily enough was the most moving part of the morning. The solemnity of a lone trumpet still gets to me and I’m guessing does the same to most. Mournful, lonely yet hopeful.

We had the breakfast, it was for expats and held at the Yacht club. I had the camera with me and I remember walking out on the tiny jetty and looking at Savo (dormant volcano) and the water. I don’t know if it was that particular morning, or another in the same place but there was this massive blue butterfly – the name escapes me now, just sitting on the water. Beautiful.

I got a photo of that jetty, one which I later painted. It inspires me (now) to go and find the photo, it was a still, calm morning and the absence of people in that image reflects the peaceful nature of my world before it turned upsidedown and erupted with complications: the plans to return to Australia and the intricracies my brain created – all of which got into a ginormous mess and is only now begining to defragment.
God you were there, I remember thanking you.

The second thing, coming across an old journal of mine. But I need to do some more thinking before the words will come, for there is too much – ha, let’s be dramatic and say: dark history. At least a smudge on my twelve year old self that has taken a very long time to heal.


A slightly disrupted day. I woke up around 9 with the intention of getting to my essay – later finding out its due next week, probably a good thing I hadn’t done too much. Anyway, I badly wanted to do the breakfast thing with you God. Then nextdoor neighbour started his tractor so I ruled out using the verhanda and opted for the chair in the lounge. I nearly had breakfast ready when Geoff comes an dhe and dad sat down in the lounge. And so that time has been pushed back until now 1:30.

Cleaned my room – stripped a lot of old stuff off the walls and rearranged desk seeing as my room is limited in what you can change. Decided I needed a bit of a change, go to back to more of a minimum. I destress by cleaning – rather if my room is clean I, ha, feel a lot less bothered for some reason. So now I am doing what I wanted to begin my day doing, absolutely nothing except relaxing, writing, praying, music.

It’s strange really – changing things. It’s as if I am ever so slowly letting go fo what was before, less and less clinging to the past and though it will always have a sacred place inside me, it is because so much good came from it and not because I wish myself back to the way I used to be. There is much improved. I will alway smiss the Solomons and the many many fond memories I have of my friends who were more like family.
I have left my heart too long over there and drawing it back hasn’t been something quick and easy. Satistfaction with who I am, where I am has been a battle fought on and off – yet continuously, and it has been a way too effective in presenting it’s lonely face in my present.
God you hold teh past just as much as you do the future.
You know how it affects teh way I live, how I respond and how I think.
Don’t exclude me from it God, because I don’t want to lose that piece of me, but don’t let it dictate me.
Let it be and remain a memory.

..to muse, wonder and disect the past is drifiting through my own life on a shaky cloud platform, my words become the clouds and do not sound like me. This is honesty sheltered in mind words of someone who has spent too long dreaming.