Published August 4, 2006 by

Seeing

I went to bed earlier than I have in about 6 years last night- By 8pm I was well and truly there, by 8:30 or so I think I was out of it. Slept around the clock – 12 good solid hours and woke up with a splitting headache.

I now feel like I’ve found cloud nine, despite all that I have to do today. It could be due to a good breakfast, the knowledge that I don’t have to go into uni today (erm… yes, I’m wagging that one hour), panadol that’s curbed the headache, found some rather nice words in the ‘What I love about you thread‘, or/and the fact that I got a really nice encouraging PM on Gush about something I’d posted, AND I came across something that makes anything I ever do on Gush so unbelieveably worth it:

“Oh, and I think this might be the place to say this, but I don’t know. I do owe Gush A LOT, I think if it wasn’t for Gush I would have thrown the idea of a God out the window long ago… I actually found myself praying today a little.. and realised that Gush is still having a change in me.. so thanks guys”

It’d be true to say that in the past week or so It’s been much more of a task to notice God as much as I used to. I’ve been finding it pretty hard lately to be intentional about spending that time. Despite all this, I keep continually coming across a lot to do with being grateful.

It’s always a strange thing when you realise something has shifted in your relationship with God, usually pertinent to a change in life circumstance. Generally it usually works out better than previously because you have grown in some way, but there’s that unstable point (days, weeks even months sometimes) where there is a good bit of weighing up what is, what should be, what was and how it all works together.

I think sometimes the ‘lazy-mans’ method – or one of my methods at least, of when I don’t feel like it with the God stuff – of reaching that point of acknowledging God for who he is and who I am in light of that is, is to opt for putting on some music. Of which happens to usually be on already. In that way (supposedly my doing – but I think not) something will resonate and I’ll remember.

There’s an article up on Shared Worship about Music, Song and Worship. I guess what interests me a lot about it all is the link of music to joy,

“Song is a subset of music in this same task of expression, and is a great tool also. The use of words, our’s or other people’s, can often bring clarification to us of how we feel and what it is that erupting out of us. Song also brings an added dimension of the ability to give expression to the more “down” side of our feelings. Yet biblically it is clear that it’s closest partner is joy.”

I remember maybe two years ago or so, I had a right old whinge about doing my ‘thinking through song lyrics’. It was a time again like now, with the shift in circumstance/relationship. A conciousnesss of some kind of change, definitely a lot darker blacker point than now but there are some parallels. Looking at it now, it’s not such a bad thing.

I am not a ‘music’ person, but music is a very powerful way to get through to the core of something.

I don’t expect my ‘coming across’ the themes of gratitude and joy to slow, I’m a fair way from grasping the fullness of it. Between Joy and Patience I think I’ve got material enough for a lifetime. Funny really, what comes up considering that everything going on in my life at the moment is definitely worth being thankful for.

It’s a challenge, it’s a never ending struggle to be following and recognising God continually,

“But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation always say, “Let God be exalted!” – Ps. 70:4

I’m not sure where it’s all going. I do know that God is good. I do like how he doesn’t ever stop working in me. I am grateful for the moments like this morning where he uses others to encourage me by pointing out what he is doing. Keeping your eyes open (metaphorically or even normally!) takes work and hurts sometimes, but who would ever give up sight – there is far too much at stake, too much worth not missing.

Christianity General Life Ministry

Published August 3, 2006 by

Two Eyes – Part 2 (bloodshot, pissed off)

I woke up this morning with itchy eyes. Not a good start.

Drove to Chirnside for my appointment at the Optometrist’s.
Nina is insanely nice (had her last time), she showed me the ropes, talked me through it, made me practice etc. Gave me an extra big bottle of solution and told me to hide it from the receptionist as she was only meant to give me a little one. Contacts feel a bit strange, but its a really good feeling to be able to see without glasses. Due to a prescription change and the ‘new glasses’ feeling, she suggested I didn’t drive home with them – I thoroughly agreed.

There’s a cliched compliment that says that the colour of your shirt (or equivalent) brings out the colour in your eyes. I’m wearing a red jumper today. I have a headache.

It’s great. I was happy. Didn’t have to pay anything yet and booked in for an appointment next Thursday to check them.

I get home and after messing around for a while I go and decide I’ll put them in.

I have NEVER been more pissed off at myself. I am disappointed, embarassed and really not very happy. I managed to drop one – the first one. Laura and I had a really good look around, but it must have taken the route down one of four tiny gaps in the hole in the sink. Of all things!

My reaction? Take your pick, but the language kaleidescoped in my head for a moment or three. Now I have to get over myself and call Merringtons and let them know what happened. *Sigh*

There’s a little bit of funny to it, but I’m really not impressed.

*5:30ish update:
Called them up, went back as she had the other ‘trial’ pair there. I now have one of each kind – strange. I’m not going to bother tonight as my eyes feel so sore and I have a whallop of a headache behind my eyes. It’s been a lousy day, but a huge thank you to Sam, who had lunch (Morrisons) and came out with me afterwards and one to Geoff too, for being excellent.

General Life

Published August 1, 2006 by

Management veins in bedrock

project management The process of planning, organising, staffing,
directing and controlling the production of a system.

Of all things to remind you of your childhood, project management should not be it. I was however, sitting in my System’s Design lecture today and became supremely concious of how much of what was being talked about I had actually done before – but when I was about 10yrs.

If you haven’t guessed it by now, maybe I’ve changed a little bit. I was an extremely bossy little girl with my fingers in every pie and running absoutely everything (which means of course: delegation, unless I could do it better, in which case I’d let them do it and then would proceed to fix it up how I wanted it to be, often upsetting the person in question.) I’m sure my parents and sisters can testify to this. I was probably fairly horrible a lot of the time and royal pain.
I was organised, the ‘pack leader’ (not hard when you’re the oldest girl and your ‘peers’ are mostly a few years younger) and forever going about ‘doing new things’ or expanding on what was.

Being rather imaginative/creative and quite apt at drawing people into my ideas or coercing them, I on several ocassions took Laura on the massive expeditions into what I now know as: systems/project development! She might claim that she had as much of a role in launching these – but I somehow don’t think it would’ve gone to quite the extent it did had I not been involved.

I became aquainted and then very good friends with Microsoft Works (Excel equivalent of the time) and as I explored the various limitations posibilities of technology, the world expanded beautifully.

Laura and I, with the aid of a Readers Digest Home/Farm running book “Back to Basics“, a spreadsheet, hours and weeks, my facination with horses (at the time – how lame), created a full blown ranch/farm. Planning and budgeting. Staffing and Managing. We were quite aware that it would never ‘come to be’ but it hardly stopped us.

That’s not to mention, the scout clubs for our Sylvanians (which we still have somewhere). The running of mud towns (NB. Bec in position of power – always), newspapers, mock restuarants, clubs, small businesses that actually operated etc…

And now I find myself with the daunting task of doing it all again – a little differently, a lot more realistically. I have a semester to produce a System design, unfortunately with a lot more constraints then just that. The true budgeting thing freaks me out, but I think the overarching concepts have reignited that long dormant thrill….

Which is really the only thing I can think of that produced that feeling of supressed and curious excitement during a fairly boring 10am lecture.

Now I just have to decide what to actually do it on.

General Life Personality