3 billion and one articles on singleness… and I’m link dumping as I have to head.

for your perusal go here
some are excerpts from books and stuff, others ar ejust articles.

Shall make for some interesting reading methinks.

General

Wow, talk about annoying. The stupid car had to have no power steering. It’s too nice! When they said good condition, the really did mean it, colour is fine, inside is neat blah blah blah.

Argh. But I drove it and after driving our ford falcon thing that does have power steering (even if it isn’t the worlds easiest car) it didn’t feel so great. I mean, I could manage it, but parking would be a royal pain and if the rsi creeps back it would be nigh impossible.

Sadness, at such a good price too ๐Ÿ™

General

My lovely dog Job *cough*
Likes for some reason to stand on the picnic table (when I let him on the verhanda – of course when Dad is not around). I honestly think he’d rather play than eat, has a passion for anything thats squeaks, likes tennis balls, does not like sticks. Dad continually threatens to get rid of him as I’m “not home often enough”.

Talking about pets. Laura reminded me of something quite funny the other day.
There was a bird stuck in the flew of our Canarra. We talked about it and then forgot it. The next night we heard it again, I was pretty insistant that Dad ‘get it out’ as I felt sorry for the poor thing. It turns out that it managed to claw its way back up the chimney. No bird.

When I was about 7 (or so) we had two guniea pigs. Terminator (don’t ask) and Punky. We had this Barbie car as pink and hidious as they come. So we thought it’d be cool if the guniea pigs could drive. So I put one of them into the car – it crawled straight down inside. Soon we realised that it was stuck. I entirely freaked out, like really freaked out and started crying for the guniea pig, Laura started crying for the car as I was saying, “Smash it Dad, smash it!”, Em was crying for some reason and Hannah was crying simply because the rest of us were.

In the end I think Dad unscrewed the car, after we unsucessfully managed to pull the guniea pig out by it’s hind legs or shake it out. And calm was once again restored.

General

A very full, enjoyable day.

This morning Dad, Laura and I drove to Fawkner of all places to go check out some cars (Laura buying, not me). I essentially was only tagging along to do all the driving. I can now say I’ve been on a freeway – it’s about time.

She got one after we looked at several, a Nissan Pintara (1992) a sedan- must say, she’s got a bit more money than I have to spend. It’s pretty nice for a first car, white ๐Ÿ˜‰ have to say the colour. Dad knows what he’s looking at, having come from a family of mechanics and blue collared dutchies.

Ha! The contrast between salesman no.1 and salesman no.2 was phenomenal. We originally went to check out this pulsar and a corolla. The pulsar was okay, the guy there was well, very out this way (despite being across Melbourne). Bogan could be a term useful to describe him.

The second place, which is what Dad saw while test driving the other car was where the corrolla was meant to be. Instead was this car in it’s place. The guy called up and they got the corolla around, I had one look and thought nup don’t bother. So we ended up driving (Laura got a go this time) around the nissan. The guy was greek and a heck of a lot more professional/friendly, still salesmanish but not horribly pushy.

They had really good coffee ๐Ÿ˜€

Nah… anyway she signed her life away. Needs roadworthy and few things Dad made them fix up, got a decent price (so says I, who knows absolulute zip about cars), not quite as cost effective as a Corolla, but in way better nick than the one there.

I drive back, we stop for lunch. I crash the car… no not really.

I find my Christmas present sitting on the doorstep ๐Ÿ˜€ – so I am now offically Sixpence None the Richer obsessed(three oldest CD’s in one lot), I own every singel one. Thats all, no more to get, until Leigh Nash puts out a new CD.

Wait around for Kathy (my aunty) and Jaclyn (Cousin) to show up. Meanwhile, my uncle Roger calls Laura, saying he’s found a potential car. So the call gets handballed to me as Laura has sort of already taken care of all that. Its a Corolla, auto, very good price. I have no time to go check it out, but Dad says he’ll go down and have look.

Please understand that if ever buying a car or if mechanics ever come into my life either my Dad or Uncle/s seem to know rather a lot, seeing as they all are/were mechanics bar Dad who knows more than enough to get by. Still I wouldn’t ever let him get anything without prior approval.

So we go off for our ‘girls shopping trip’. Leave Dad to worry about that.

My aunty Kathy has no kids, she’s almost (or is) the newest member of the B’s family – my uncle’s second wife, mind you that’s been quite a few years now. She drives a converatble something or other, they go travelling rather a lot. She’s the kind of cool aunt you never thought you’d get. Despite the car/travel thing, is pretty wise with sharing what she has and helping out those who need it, the kind of person who loves hanging out with old people, or using her time for others benefit. (This is the not a Christian one, who asks loads of questions etc…)

Last year she took all the girl cousins, so that is me, all my sisters and my cousin Jaclyn on a shopping trip. This means we get a budget from her pocket and we pretty much go shopping. We get to good old Eastland (how I loathe that place) and she’s like okay, go spend up to $60 each or there abouts. Here’s where ‘poor little missonary kids’ and ‘perfectly aussie kids’ eyes fall out of our faces. More than what she said last year.

So I wander with Laura for a while, then she goes into ‘The Tree of Life’ store which stinks of insensene and stuff which I absolutely hate, so I leave her. Roamed around for ages, tried on various things. Couldn’t find anything. I run into Hannah in Myers, nothing, it’s so boring shopping on your own but she loves it so doesn’t let me tag along.

Wander into JB to look at their SD cards (how typically Rebecca). Too much and I figure I shouldn’t be like that and come home with just this bit of plastic to show. I have been trying to find a dark brown knee lengthish skirt fo absolutely ages and could not find one. I think it was half my problem, having such a specific idea.

Anyway, I eventually find this skirt in ValleyGirl, which I quite like and like even more when I try it on. $30. We meet up again at the designated time. I go with Kathy and Laura to buy the various items. Find our way to meet the others (as they needed more time) at Assecorize or whatever that jewelery/bag/shoe shop is called. I end up getting a bag – plain colour satisfyingly useful. The others get various things.

We somehow end up in Glassons, where I had already looked. I see a skirt I missed the first time, brown and knee length (I do the Bah Humbug thing in my mind as I can’t return the bag as it was on sale), another time perhaps.

Come home. Thank Kathy profusely. Should probably write her a card or something.

I ask Dad about the car.

It is a 1985 Corrolla. So older – not so great, but there are I guess a lot of cheap parts around if needed. It’s bronze, but colour is not everything, and Dad’s definition of bronze could mean anything. It’s in very good condition. Needs a few little things done of course (they hoisted it and checked it all out). Good price, what I can actually afford – even after Roadworthy etc. which I didn’t think was possible at the moment. Aircon is stuffed ๐Ÿ™ but hey – it’s Melbourne, the heating works fine.

Then Dad mentions that it doesn’t have power steering, which is really not that great. So, ‘erm…’ But tomorrow he’s taking me down so I can drive it around/park it and see if I can deal with having none.

I don’t know how keen I am, but apparently for what they’re charging and what it is, it’s a pretty good deal. Talking roughly $1,500 after roadworthy/all else etc…
It shall all have to wait until tomorrow. Mum’s all thingy about, “What if it breaks down its too old blah blah”. Dad thinks it’d be okay. I will have to see.

Who knows, within the week I could own a car.

For now I’ll just sit at home, listen to my new CD’s and blog away in the comfort of my chair pretending I don’t have to think about money or booking my P’s or what power steering will do to my rsi prone wrists.

General

I accidently clicked my Bible Gateway link and the ‘verse of the day’ (funny how that all goes) is Psalm 90:12

Teach us to number our days aright,
that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

and I was annoyed at the old language (or use of aright, I mean, what does that mean!) so I got the Message version up.

Oh! Teach us to live well!
Teach us to live wisely and well!

I bumped the context up and read the rest of the Psalm. The last verse mentions affirmation.

I was having a conversation with someone about this yesterday, how people go asking for affirmation and really how pathetic it often is.

Which leads me to think that if we are looking for affirmation we are deprived in some way of what others can and should bring to us. I’m not saying that the person who has had the perfect upbringing, parents, friends is completely satisfied with who they are, does not need encouragement etc.

I think the entire world is deprived of proper/effective affirming speak into their lives.

Why do we need five good words to outweigh every negative thing said to us?

I get, I guess sad when I think of my friends, certain people in particular who have had to put up with a lot more of those negative things than I’ve ever had to deal with. Hey, I think I’ve had it pretty good. I do not profess to understand the complete effect that certain things said to them have, I may not understand why the few decent words I can give (when I do bother) either mean so much, or have so much trouble sinking in.

A friend of mine, she can’t grasp, however often it is said to her that she is loved/shown that she is loved that people are speaking the truth. I don’t really understand her, the people who have to be told they are loved over and over again. They know it but they don’t feel it.

I know – because I am human, a little of what this is like. I don’t have great difficulty with understanding I am loved. I am glad I do not seem to need the words often, as they aren’t really spoken very much in my house. I have grown up in a secure household, with quality friends for the most part. I do not doubt I am loved. It still takes me a lot to get used to when friends say, “I love you” (yeah girls can do that as friends). I rarely/never say it back. Does what’s obvious need to be said? But I do not doubt that I am loved.

I know that I need affirmation, however comfortably situated I am. I can entirely understand why people go out of their way to find it.

Pslam 90 is a plea from the psalmist to God. Affirm us! Remember us!

13 Relent, O LORD! How long will it be?
Have compassion on your servants.

14 Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.

15 Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,
for as many years as we have seen trouble.

16 May your deeds be shown to your servants,
your splendor to their children.

17 May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us;
establish the work of our hands for usรขโ‚ฌโ€
yes, establish the work of our hands.

Is it wrong to ask for affirmation in this kindness starved world?

Paul you said, “freely given and freely received”.

What about life as it is? We don’t as a society freely give affirmation or freely give love. It’s reserved for the closeness of offer for offer, and sometimes family.

We are far too willing to trade tit for tat – especially if tat is ‘love’.

We are not good at encouraging people, we are not good as friends. Friendship predominantly (in schools at least) provides a shaky social security, and if you dig deeper that’s really all. Sometimes we are no better than sheep or fish or birds. There is safety in numbers.

We don’t freely give enough. We are suspicious then when it comes and so don’t freely recieve.

At the same time all we are doing is screaming, “Hear me! Love me! Know me!”

The only way I have ever found to alter the pattern of repeating that phrase in whatever way I do is by throwing it back to others. It is difficult to love when you aren’t feeling it. I know what it’s like to feel dry, burnt, spent and utterly helpless to go and do anything for others, pour anything of yourself when you haven’t got that resource, that strength behind you.

God loves you.

Its a funny thing to grab hold of. I’ve heard it a million times, I don’t think I really understand it most of the time. I do know it when God puts that effort in to me to let me know. It constantly repeats itself that God likes to be obvious to me in strange ways – ways I find funny. Small things that hand me back a bit of hope, small things that remind me.

From these, giving to others what I do not have or fully know seems to be the only way forward. More often than not it is the encouragement through being effective in another person’s life that pulls you back to a place where you do start believing the truths about how much you count. How much you are loved.

I don’t know if I ever explained about ‘the birds’. Sam you left a comment saying you didn’t get it.

A few weeks before leaving the Solomons I had an angry conversation with God. I was in the bathroom. I don’t know if it was the first time I heard God speak (not audibly, just when you know), but it was probably the most clear. It wasn’t much. A simple reassurance.

I then, for some reason picked something to remind me of it. I ended up picking a bird. Any bird, a bird.

I do not know how many times God has put the symbol infront of my face when I’ve most needed it. The amazing thing about it is that it’s often exactly where/when you wouldn’t expect a bird to come, or it’s different, unusal, sometimes many. That’s one of my ‘small things’.

God does not fail us.

We do not affirm people half as much as we should. Should we not be entirely expectant of people to ask? Moreso, shouldn’t we be hypersensitive to when people do ask and in any way we can, strive to meet that need?

If we are all too dry, too spent to make that effort, then we are sitting in an ugly cycle of selfish deprivation.

General