The Complicated Nature of INTJs Explained to Normal People
The Complicated Nature of INTJs Explained to Normal People.
In the day and age where everyone wants to be classified in some personality type, there exists an especially obscure type sitting in the oddest most abstract of corners, the INTJ. Attempting to understand these rare abstract thinkers – the computer programmer, physicist, mathematician, and philosopher – is like trying to study the mating rituals of three-toed sloths at your local zoo. The following is a linear analysis to give ourselves the deepest possible understanding of these eccentric characters.
Generally, determining if you have this temperament type is easily shown by answering this question:
You walk into a room and see a picture hanging crooked. You…
A. Straighten it.
B. Ignore it.
C. Ponder the situation’s metaphoric symbolism on the humanitarian situation in Syria, and then write a poem about it.
D. Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a solar-powered, self-adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud your belief that the inventor of the nail was a total moron.
The correct answer is “D” but partial credit can be given to anybody who writes “it depends” in the margin of the test or who simply blames the whole stupid thing on “marketing”.
A = Guardian
B = Artisan
C = Idealist
D = Rational
INTJs have different objectives when it comes to social interaction. “Normal” people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social interaction:
* Stimulating and thought provoking conversation;
* Important social contacts;
* A feeling of connectedness with other humans.
In contrast to “normal” people, INTJs have objectives for social interactions:
* Get it over with as soon as possible;
* Avoid getting invited to something unpleasant;
* Demonstrate mental superiority and mastery of all subjects.
FASCINATION WITH GADGETS
To the INTJ, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two categories:
(1) Things that need to be fixed, and
(2) Things that will need to be fixed after you’ve had a few minutes to play with them.
INTJs like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own. “Normal” people don’t understand this concept, they believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. INTJs believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.
No INTJ looks at a TV remote control without wondering what it would take to turn it into a stun gun. No INTJ can take a shower without wondering if some sort of Teflon coating would make showering unnecessary. To the INTJ, the world is a toy box full of sub-optimized and feature-poor toys.
FASHION AND APPEARANCE
Clothes are the lowest priority for an INTJ, assuming the basic thresholds for temperature and decency have been satisfied. If no appendages are freezing or sticking together, and no genitalia or mammary glands are swinging around in plain view, then the objective of clothing has been met.
Dating is never easy for INTJs. A “normal” person will employ various indirect and duplicitous methods to create a false impression of attractiveness. INTJs are incapable of placing appearance above function. Fortunately, INTJs have an ace in the hole. They are widely recognised as superior marriage material: intelligent, dependable, honest, and handy around the house and not the least bit overbearing. While it’s true that most “normal” people would prefer not to date an INTJ, most normal people harbour an intense desire to mate with them, thus producing Bill Gates-like children who will have high-paying jobs long before losing their virginity.
Male INTJs reach their peak of sexual attractiveness later than most “normal” men, becoming irresistible erotic dynamos in their mid-thirties to late forties. Just look at these examples of sexually irresistible INTJ males:
* Bill Gates
Female INTJs become irresistible at the age of consent and remain that way until about thirty minutes after their clinical death. Longer if it’s a warm day.
INTJs are always honest in matters of technology and human relationships. That’s why it’s a good idea to keep INTJs away from customers, romantic interests and other people who can’t handle the truth. INTJs sometimes bend the truth to avoid work. They say things that sound like lies but technically are not because nobody could be expected to believe them. The complete list of INTJ lies is stated below:
“I won’t change anything without asking you first.”
“I’ll return your hard-to-find object/device tomorrow.”
“I have to have new equipment to do my job/research.”
“I’m not jealous of your new computer.”
“I know exactly what I am doing/talking about.”
INTJs are notoriously frugal. This is not because of cheapness or mean spirit; it is simply because every spending situation is simply a problem in efficiency, that is, “How can I escape this situation while retaining the greatest amount of cash?” and also, “How can I achieve maximal results from minimal work?”
POWERS OF CONCENTRATION
If there is one trait that best defines an INTJ, it is the ability to concentrate on one subject to the complete exclusion of everything else in the environment.
This sometimes causes INTJs to be pronounced dead prematurely. Some funeral homes in high tech areas have started checking resumes before processing the bodies. Anybody with a B.Sc. or experience in computer programming is propped up in a lounge for a few days just to see if he or she snaps out of it.
RISKS AND JOBS
INTJs are most strongly drawn to the scientist, mathematician, philosopher, inventor, thinking-researcher type jobs. Therefore, INTJs hate risk. They try to eliminate it whenever they can. This is understandable, given that when an INTJ researcher/scientist makes a mistake, the media will treat it like it’s a big deal or something. Examples of Bad Press for INTJ Scientist/Researchers:
* SPANet ™
* Hubble Space Telescope
* Apollo 13
* Ford Pinto
The risk/reward calculation for INTJ scientists looks something like this:
RISK: Public humiliation and the death of thousands of innocent people.
REWARD: A certificate of appreciation in a handsome plastic frame.
Being pragmatic people, INTJs mathematically evaluate this balance of risks and rewards and decide that risk is not a good thing. The best way to avoid risk is by advising that any activity is technically impossible for reasons that are far too complicated to explain. If that approach is not sufficient to halt a project, then the INTJ will fall back to a second line of defence: “It’s technically possible but it will cost too much.”
Ego-wise, two things are important to INTJs:
* How smart they are;
* How many cool devices they own.
The fastest way to get an INTJ to solve a problem is to declare that the problem is unsolvable. No INTJ can walk away from an unsolvable problem until it’s solved. No illness or distraction is sufficient to get the INTJ off the case. These types of challenges quickly become personal – a battle between the INTJ and the laws of nature.
INTJs will go without food and hygiene for days to solve a problem (other times just because they forgot). And when they succeed in solving the problem they will experience an ego rush that is better than sex – and we’re including the kind of sex where other people are involved. Nothing is more threatening to the INTJ than the suggestion that somebody else has more technical skill. “Normal” people sometimes use that knowledge as a lever to extract more work from the INTJ. When an INTJ says that something can’t be done (a code phrase that means it’s not fun to do), some clever “normal” people have learnt to glance at the INTJ with a look of compassion and pity, and say something along these lines: “I’ll ask Bob to figure it out. He knows how to solve difficult problems.”
At that point it is a good idea for the “normal” person to not stand between the INTJ and the problem. The INTJ will set upon the problem like a starved chihuahua on a pork chop.
- B.J.H., Architect, originally from The Nature of Scientists.