I am a little bit shocked that it was January 2015 when I last wrote anything. In some ways I have no space to write any more. But then perhaps this is what is necessary – to carve that tiny bit of space, to find mental space again? The no space thing is probably a lie. And yet, the last year has been full full full and sleep deprived. I’m waiting (still) for that to improve. Claire is nearing four, CÃ©leste nearing two. Surely the sleep thing gets better. I know it gets better. I can’t believe I didn’t throw an epic party to beat all parties when Claire improved, I can’t even remember when that happened? It was worth celebrating, I’m waiting CÃ©leste.
I turned 30 this year. I threw a party. I don’t like parties very much but I did like this one. It was at night, there was fairlights and a fire-pit and myÂ music and no kids, Â it had a coffee cart and donuts (oh my the donuts from ShortStop are stunning) and it had good people. I like being 30. I actually kind of feel like things are settled and paced (despite the daily madness that I can’t seem to escape). It’s fun seeing what life looks like with two kids even if the balance is an almighty juggle between being a decent parent/human and running my own business and finding space for myself. I suck at the last one.
I do think that I am perhaps on the cusp of working this balance thing out despite the fact I’m not sure we ever actuallyÂ do, and it’s surprising me writing this down, as I am brain dumping from being sick in bed (which is pretty much the only time I stop). As always there are things in my life that could be cracking along MUCH better but there AREÂ things that I am doing well. I feel like I write this same thing over and over in my head. Nearly there, nearly there. Keep on, keeping on, such is this phase of life.
Life I want to live you but I want to observe you at the same time… from my bed with a cup of coffee.