I do not know
How I should live
I try one thing, it waxes then wans
and then I do not try at all.
I hope, hope desperately to be on watch
To watch and hear, my seeing ears
My open ears
And yet sometimes it feels as if cold nothing,
or loud otherthing crowds in – overwhelming
There is a vibrating in my ears
and it is stopping me from seeing.
Jesus heals the blind.
Matt 9:27-31
“Come Thou Fount” is desperately honest and lovely. There is this line, “Prone to wander, Lord I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love.” It points to anguish and to pain and in a very small way to hope.
I found this cartoon tonight.
And this page of quotes – quite fascinating – about spirituality and God. People’s questions.
Be more honest.
You’ve got a vision of some far off day, beautiful and bright
A carrot hanging out of reach, but always in your sight
There’s an icon in your mind that stands for happiness one day
A picture on some wall of a kingdom far awayOh, it’s closer than you think
Oh, it’s breathing in between
Oh, it’s closer than you think
Oh, it’s right under your feetThe sky is much more blue and the clouds are always white
The streets of course are gold and always lit with rings of light
There’s nothing on this earth that’s as good as what’s up there
And life is so much better when you’re floating in the airOh, it’s closer than you think
Oh, it’s breathing in between
Oh, it’s closer than you think
Oh, it’s right under your feetForget about your brother if he doesn’t seem to understand
The heaven you’ve concocted in your head
And never mind your sister when she asks you silly questions
About all the broken people left unfed
Burning questions are better left for deadYou spend your life inside a box looking through stained glass
And dream about a better day and hope it finds you fastOh, it’s closer than you think
Oh, it’s breathing in between
Oh, it’s closer than you think
Oh, it’s right under your feet
Oh, it’s right under your feet
Oh, it’s right under your feet
I found this song really interesting – ignoring the slightly lazy rhymes (collaboration between Switchfoot’s Jon Foreman and a Nickle Creek guy: from Fiction Family). This song seems quite pointed toward a certain Christian worldview, with a life focused on a heaven you only reach when you die. This view no longer (and hasn’t for a long time) makes any sense to me, the Kingdom of God/Kingdom of Heaven is here but not in it’s fullness. This naturally throws up lots of interesting possibilities re. heaven.
I call you
From the comet’s cradle
I found you
Trembling by yourself
When the night falls
Lightly on your right-wing shoulder
Wonderful know-it-all
Slightly where the night gets colder
Oh, conscience,
Where will you carry me?
I found you
Star of terrifying effigies
When the night falls
I carry myself to the fortress
Of your glorious cost
Oh, I may seek your fortress
When the night falls
We see the star of wonder
Wonderful night falls
We see you
We see you
I see the stars coming down there
Coming down there to the yard
I see the stars coming down there
Coming down there to my heart
I see the stars coming down there
Coming down there to the yard
These days, days, days run away
Like horses over the hills
A year and half ago I was close to convincing my little sister to sing a version of the song below We are a Beginning at our wedding – in the end we chose a My Friend the Chocolate Cake song (slightly adapted) which suited the voices/band (or something) better. I really love these words. I was listening the other day and thinking about how they are applicable to the start of each day. I love the concept of rest (Not just because I love my bed so much!), but the idea of stopping everything: thought, action etc. and in some way starting over again when you wake up. Or stopping in the middle of the day for a period long enough to find a cleaner angle, one centered properly on God who is not bound by time. We too rarely or consciously do this.
May our standing ask permission
To be a kind of benediction
To a love we know is bigger than ourselvesThe spirit and your witness
Is bearing light upon our weakness
Giving weight to what we cannot see aloneWe come with what we are
We come with what we’ve done
We come with what we are
We are a beginningIn faith we look to Comfort
She is laying her old hands upon our souls as we discover
We are waking more to hopeYour committed celebration
Is part of our salvation
Holding on to what we know we cannot hold aloneBecause we are not that strong
Sometimes afraid of what we’ve done
We are not that strong
But we are a beginningWe are a beginning
Pray for the bravery
To act upon the kindness of forgiveness
And the mystery of clarity sometimes
Mercy is grateful to go under all our failures
Thanks be to Christ for severity
That’s kissed us on our cheeksMay our standing ask permission
To be a kind of benediction
To a love we know is bigger than ourselvesBecause we are not that strong
Most times afraid of what we’ve done
Oh we are not that strong
But we are a beginningWe are a beginning
We are a beginning
We are a beginning