Real unmerrited fear (un-abridged)

God, you’re wonderful!

I could leave it at that because there is nothign I could say to match a fraction of who you are but ot show myself how you came through for me, for records sake…

Began the day, did not particularly want to get out of bed and I lay there thinking, half worrying and trying to give it to you – almost made myself late.
‘It’ being talking to Sara, Kat and Tilla.
Anyway, was on the ‘Caf’ this morning and I knew that would be a good chance. I let Jo and Katie know – firstly because Kat was late and I was ho-humming in my head whether or not to bring it up if she wasn’t around.
Just before first break Jo gave me a note. Encouragement – I needed it.

Caf duty. I talked to Kat first, she was in a bit of a rush – I don’t know how well I said it to her, I think she got the gist (how lame that sounds) the conv. was cut short.
I talked more indepth with Sara while we did dishes. She understood completely. Talked openly with her.

I should have perhaps gone to Tilla first. Strangely she was the one I was most afraid of bringing it up with, I guess I was concerned that she wouldn’t understand or run with my descision.

Ah God, it’s funny how you work things out so strategically. I ended up sitting next to her in Gathering with no other YITS’ers within earshot which is a bit unusual. Anyway, I spent Gathering psyching myself up. And it was fine.

I think I got too concerned about this for my own good. I guess foresight told me that it could go horribly wrong. How much of that falls back to self-esteem and the need for other’s respect?!
Thank you for using Katie to tell me to talk and not write a letter, for Jo’s note and both of their encouragement.

God you made it work.
You planned this day from start to end.
Thank you.

fear
1. A feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger.
2. A state or condition marked by this feeling
3. A feeling of disquiet or apprehension

en·cour·age
1. To inspire with hope, courage, or confidence; hearten.

cour·age
1. The state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger, fear, or vicissitudes with self-possession, confidence, and resolution; bravery.

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