Also from the 11th (today the 13th)
I do know that for all its luxuries, three course, three-hour amazing meals, ample accommodation and sweeping grounds this will not be the most remembered part. Oh the value and insight from some of the conferences, sure â€“ great. But if this weekend amounted to nothing more than that conversation with Bek Smith then it was entirely worth it.
Being both elders daughters our perspective on what has been going on a WPC has been, well to say, somewhat more enlightened than others. Our dissatisfaction is shared, what went or started long before any problems became evident. Our inability to articulate where things sit, is common ground. Frustration stemming, yes from the problems and from I guess the limits that have accumulated over the years. Itâ€™s as if certain good parts of our church drifted and got lost, or that the focus from the onset was wrong. To tell the truth, I really have no idea what happened when. I do know that it is terribly difficult to explain the situation outside of context and had you been there as a â€˜memberâ€™ (and I put that in inverted commas for plenty of reasons) then you might be able to grasp it.
Although I have talked and shared many of my concerns with Burkie, with Jas and a few others there has always been that once removed factor. Rebekah said she tried, even with her Mum, with Naomi, and Tracey but didnâ€™t find what she felt was understanding. We somehow seem to be on the same wavelength. She expressed this huge relief about having being able to talk stuff through. Sharing frustrations, our angst over whatâ€™s going on in the tangled mess of ugly church politics, our sadness over the disunity, about Christians showing up to church and wearing â€˜masksâ€™ of good behavior and lying through their Sunday facade. Whatever I got out of it â€“ more frustration about thinking about it more, Iâ€™m glad you were able to use me for Bekâ€™s sake. It is hard to know where you cross the line between straight gossip and judgment where do you draw the line in talking about a very real issue, and where you should stop and cease speculating, attempting to fit the pieces you have of the story together.
God I said that Iâ€™d rather know all or nothing. I guess it doesnâ€™t matter. I know what I have heard and Iâ€™ve heard enough. I have a sincere disquiet about WPC. Oh God, its not what church is meant to be like. No community, all leadership debacles, no unity, all discord, no joy, all going through the motions.
What is wrong God? How do I respond appropriately? When do I leave?
When. Itâ€™s more a case of when now, then the straight YES or NO. Where is what follows. Both I need your input on. More than just your input, I need your â€˜goâ€™ before I do anything. Has that been given yet?
God, you know the future of that place. I can only ask that you be there, and if it is your will to let it draw to a close peacefully, to take the stress from Markâ€™s, Murrayâ€™s, Antonâ€™s, Dadâ€™s shoulders. Be there tomorrow. Meet many, let many be willing and open to hearing you.
Help them to listen God. Thatâ€™s what Bek said, â€˜they just donâ€™t want to listen (to you)â€™. Thank you for Bek, thank you for the enormous blessing sheâ€™s been for me today. You are God and you are in control. Help Bek to remember that. Help me to remember that. Help us know youâ€™re overseeing everything.