I know a little what it was like for Job. Estrangement from God is what we should fear most. Who cares about troubles, they are nothing. There is sorrow from the depths of your very being when God is not where he should be in your life. I have lost focus. I’ve changed considerably already this year.

On blogging. It was a challenge to open myself up to letting others in, but there are far better means. It’s time to stop for a significant while. To get back to what I used to have, which was a far better relationship with the one that matters most. I don’t know if I ever said but this journalling was originally between God and myself and it served a beautiful purpose. It lost that. There is a limit to what you should share with others and it is a very different thing when it is a relationship and not a selfish one sided attempt at improving something of yourself. It was liberating at first but I’d rather focus on others knowing me for who I am and let them discover that on their own.

In many ways my hesitation to share even the link was I guess a faint recognition of the above. I don’t regret sharing, not one bit. But opening one side of me this way has had an affect to an extent to the side I would much prefer to be in priority. I love you all and I don’t say that lightly. It would be nice sometime to open file on your lives but it’s not how we were designed.

God is one of the greatest mysteries of this life – if we only spent a bit more time trying to discover him than ourselves we’d be far better off. I wont stop writting, but I guess I’ve learned something important about boundries and how foolish it is to stretch them to see if they really exist.

We are mysteries to ourselves. That can only be a good thing.

There is a vast difference in living a transparent life and living an opaque imitiation. I hate tacky endings, but all the same, it is never all said and done.

[December 12, 2004 – On Random, First blog post]
“Who ever you are, this is but a little of who I am -I think I’d do well to remember that also.”

Blogging General Life

*sigh* I did it again.

I promised mum I wouldn’t burn them. I told Hannah what I was doing.
I went to my room and forgot about them.

for the record: I made perfectly good muffins about a week ago.

I was looking forward to these… :\ choc-chip are the best.

General Life

maybe I shall turn this into a rant a vent or some other whatever.

frustrated/annoyed on a number of levels.
1. bored bored bored
2. have to find someone to feed my dog while we’re away
3. bored bored bored
4. the following comment via msn:

person: “hehe, just thought I’d let ya know, I discovered something when in the city”
bec: yeh?
person: “there are sooooooo many cute guys in the city :P”

very hard to convey a stoney silence and a ‘get a life’ over msn…

there is normality and there is just ‘grow up’, why must it become an entire topic of conversation?

frankly not in the mood.
so Im a lonely bored grump.
get a life bec.
Blogs stink sometimes. They don’t talk back not even to tell you to shutup.

General Life

Just managed to waste over an hour bumming round doing ‘Personality quizzes’ online. How very lame, how very bored I am, how very sore my left wrist is, what am I going to do with myself the rest of today? Why haven’t I had lunch yet?

Have been in the past rather into MyersBriggs etc (which is actually a real personailty thing not just a stupid internet thing).

that saying, I am an INTJ borderline ISTJ (found that our recently). and I’ll find a link so something about that when I can be bothered (soon after I post this). *LINK HERE

Alternatively some results from various other quizzes:

from: http://hokev.brinkster.net/quiz/default.asp

Better Personality ?

Wackiness: 50/100
Rationality: 46/100
Constructiveness: 14/100
Leadership: 54/100

You are a SEDL–Sober Emotional Destructive Leader. This makes you a Dictator.

You prefer to control situations, and lack of control makes you physically sick. You feel have responsibility for everyone’s welfare, and that you will be blamed when things go wrong. Things do go wrong, and you take it harder than you should.

You rely on the validation and support of others, but you have a secret distrust for people and distaste for their habits and weaknesses that make you keep your distance from them. This makes you very difficult to be with romantically. Still, a level-headed peacemaker can keep you balanced.

Despite your fierce temper and general hot-bloodedness, you have a soft spot for animals and a surprising passion for the arts. Sometimes you would almost rather live by your wits in the wilderness somewhere, if you could bring your books and your sketchbook.

You also have a strange, undeniable sexiness to you. You may go insane.

Of the 131586 people who have taken this quiz since tracking began (8/17/2004), 5.5 % are this type.


Relationship one from same site… sort of have to think of hypotheticals

eXpressive: 5/10
Practical: 9/10
Physical: 4/10
Giver: 2/10
You are a RPIT–Reserved Practical Intellectual Taker. This makes you a Love Geek.

lost the link for this one:

Intrapersonal thinker:
Spend a lot of time thinking about and trying to understand themselves ร‚ยท Reflect on their thoughts and moods, and work to improve them ร‚ยท You understand how your behaviour affects your relationships with others.
Other Intrapersonal thinkers include Sigmund Freud, Gandhi, Grahame Greene
Careers which suit Intrapersonal Thinkers includePsychologist, Teacher, Pilot, Child care worker, Explorer, Drama therapist


The Cappuccino is the java that best describes your personality. Chic and intellectual, this drink is only for the serious and mature. The air of importance ‘cappuccino’ carries cannot be spoken unless by the purely driven and successful individuals. This drink can be contemplative or social, although it is most often considered classy. With its rich espresso, relaxed milk, and slightly foamed topping it fits in most anywhere. Although slightly reserved for important occasions, there is a hint of exciting foam that is let loose only briefly. You are not given to triviality and pointless activities. You like success and are goal driven, ambitious and are comfortable conversing. You are confident and bold and no one can mess with a cappuccino. Any addition or change to a cappuccino only wrecks its calm and collected image. Responsible and slightly reserved, the cappuccino is the mirror of your cool, collected, and ‘going somewhere’ personality. To be inspired and motivated, people love absorbing the aura of confidence surrounding a cappuccino. http://www.iamnext.com/fun/coffeequiz2.html


boredom should end here. YITS withdrawals (as Alecia so nicely puts it). I need people.

some lunch is not a bad thought.

General Personality

Ok so I didn’t write yesterday. I might as well do it now as the train is relatively empty meaning that I don’t have other eyes reading this.

Today. Comparitively better than yesterday. Work yes. Melbourne like a freezer but still beautiful. Went out the back to feed Job around 7:15am this morning, still hints of sunrise, full moon, sky completely clear and an eagle. Quite surreal.

Work was work, fairly enjoyable but left wrist playing up again. And now I’m going home.

There is a guy infront of me (not same seat set). He’s wearing an orange work vest that says “Push me for responce” (spelling as written). I wonder if he knows…

Yesterday. One of those days. Fell up stairs on way out of Spencer St. A weird guy on the the tram. Skitzophrenic – or something not quite right. He was leering at anyone female. Sat opposite me and tried talking…’why wont you talk to me’. I might have said fractionally more than nothing if it were someone else. I’d say hello to the asian guy ๐Ÿ™‚ the one who repeats ‘channel 9 news’ over and over, but this guy was plain creepy. Ignored him and had to reread the one page of my book about three times for it to make any sense. Pity that, being the last page of Hitchhikers, you kind of want to end in style. He finally moved. So nice unsettling time. Hate stuff like that. Semi bothered others. just noticeably hanging round other women a few seats down.

Lunch with Jess C – that was ok. had to do most of the talking….(omitted part) Few awkward silences. It is worth the effort to get to know her better. I feel older than her, which in reality is not true.

Hmm don’t know what made me class yesterday as ‘bad’ I guess the morning’s stuff. A foul mood.

I did get a photo of my door (have I mentioned the orange door?). Took it in a hurry so not hugely great. Can’t put on blog til Burkie goes out and finds it for himself – somehow got me to promise that. something about it being ‘new’

I have my eccentricities (sp?) – if anyone else appreciates quirks in the same way – well.
The door is probably not worth half a blink to many … person walks past, “oh orange door” and promptly forgets.

A good thing – went to Alecia’s for dinner with Jess W an dSam. Lasagne – got to meet a few of her housemates. Played a game called Apples to Apples. Highly enjoyable. Love company and doing things out of the ordinary.

This writing is such a mess – hopefully recognisable to get down somewhere elses. This is in the notebook – originally for Group Focus stuff, it now lives in my backpack and serves numerous purpose, random thinkings on trains on occasion.

*Nunawadding Station

Should get to Moorolbark by 6:15ish maybe fractionally earlier.

It’s funny how you catch the same train every once, even twice a week then you are waiting on the platform and see the screen change to 5:16 Moorolgbark and think, “Oh good – this is mine. Why’s it not going to Lilydale?” You get on anyway and 5 minutes after sitting down realise you normally get the 5:23 which completely…

*Mitcham Station

…explains why it is not a Lilydale train and feel rather stupid for not giving it half a though initially.

Called Dad/Em/Home/Laura and finally got through to Laura who isn’t at home. So recalled home and eventually got on to them. Mum’s picking…

*Heatherdale Station

…me up from Moorl. and we are going on to Eastland.

And I am changing tenses (writing) all over the place.

I’m reading Provence a book about France. Has no real story line as such, beautiful description. People rant on and on with crappy metaphors. This guy – when he uses them- creates far better ones.

*Ringwood Station

Actually there is a story. Just a guy and his wife’s year living in Provence. So more small narratives of their life. I think it is true, I recall seeing the date 1989…

*Ringwood East Station

… somwhere.

I am sittin gat the wrong end of the train – 3 I think from the front which means I have to walk lots once I get to the sation – then again, its’ Moorl. maybe not.

Haha I could bore myself writing this. But can’t be bothered with more France right now. I have Relient K up nice and loud.

*Croydon… hmm not so late

Called Mum again to come now so I don’t have to wait in the cold.

Stopping now. nearly there.

The end of lovely boring train ride which I quite enjoyed.


*Moorolbark Station


*long wait in the cold

General On The Train