I know a little what it was like for Job. Estrangement from God is what we should fear most. Who cares about troubles, they are nothing. There is sorrow from the depths of your very being when God is not where he should be in your life. I have lost focus. I’ve changed considerably already this year.
On blogging. It was a challenge to open myself up to letting others in, but there are far better means. It’s time to stop for a significant while. To get back to what I used to have, which was a far better relationship with the one that matters most. I don’t know if I ever said but this journalling was originally between God and myself and it served a beautiful purpose. It lost that. There is a limit to what you should share with others and it is a very different thing when it is a relationship and not a selfish one sided attempt at improving something of yourself. It was liberating at first but I’d rather focus on others knowing me for who I am and let them discover that on their own.
In many ways my hesitation to share even the link was I guess a faint recognition of the above. I don’t regret sharing, not one bit. But opening one side of me this way has had an affect to an extent to the side I would much prefer to be in priority. I love you all and I don’t say that lightly. It would be nice sometime to open file on your lives but it’s not how we were designed.
God is one of the greatest mysteries of this life – if we only spent a bit more time trying to discover him than ourselves we’d be far better off. I wont stop writting, but I guess I’ve learned something important about boundries and how foolish it is to stretch them to see if they really exist.
We are mysteries to ourselves. That can only be a good thing.
There is a vast difference in living a transparent life and living an opaque imitiation. I hate tacky endings, but all the same, it is never all said and done.
[December 12, 2004 – On Random, First blog post]
“Who ever you are, this is but a little of who I am -I think I’d do well to remember that also.”