Hello Blog reader, friend…

A few questions about this blog if you don’t mind replying:

  1. Do you read me? (this is for curiousity’s sake seeing how many of you who did get the link do read it)
  2. Should I, keep the Flickr photos thing… and all related comments around this?
  3. A question for those I know who do have blogs that I read, can I link to you – say I quote you or something?
  4. Should I put links to the blogs I read in the ‘other blogs’ link section? If so qu. 3 applies if you do blog.
  5. Does Bec stay up too late on msn? How am I going to help her go to bed earlier?
  6. Is there anything you’ve really particularly liked that I should do again so I have something to procrastinate with?
  7. Should I finished the ‘know through the senses’ thing I did ages ago?
  8. Should I find a tag board or something to put on here, or is that ‘cheap’ or ‘tacky’… why am I even asking.
  9. Would you prefer if photos are left off? Should I use more?
  10. Do you ever look at the other two blogs?

Now I guess you could complain that it’s my blog and I can do/put whatever I want on it, which is oh so true.

However I like input. I like comments. I like you and I’d like you to reply. and…
I can put whatever I want on this blog right?


Stonelea conference centre place sent me a bottle of wine care of work today. I was rather amused, not being a huge wine fan.

The better/more strange/interesting suggestions:

Chris: sell it on ebay (I like this one :P)

Burkie: drink it! go get drunk 😛 (maybe not)

Dad: Give it to me and mum for driving with you to the station all the time.

Jess: save it til you get married (???!) it will be more mature then. roight….

Dave: give it to rowan…he’s lutheran 😀

…or mums birthday present which I never really got anything for.

mmm. oh well.

/bored person posting late at night.


“This is my lover, this is my friend,” – Song of Songs 5:16

I decided tonight to do things a little differently. To look at God’s love for me instead of wallowing in problems or immediate life stuff. To look at God’s love for me and my very fallible love for God. I don’t know how well it went, well I do I supose. I picked/played certain music – I have been doing the silence thing lately… when it comes to journal/God time (which is probably better). I read various stuff, it was good.

It did lead me to think about other relationships. Applying Song of Songs to God/yourslef is rather strange. I’m a bit unsure on the concept of God as a lover – maybe for where I am at the moment it’s more God as father/friend. Not exclusively so.

I think our God relationship does evolve and change with time and different experiences, we change. Also changing with intention, spending time, communication.
Friendships with people change in the same way. Oh they may not (and most do not) proceed into ‘relationships’ but there either gathers this moment in ‘safety’ in eachother (not so safe as to never challenge) or it slips and is gone. Some we hold carefully, and others carefully away from us. We in our attitudes and actions stand in the way. We are afraid of unfamiliar territory in someone ‘finding’ us, afraid of betrayal, afraid of love lost.

How much I want, I guess we all want, to be connected mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically with another. God as a lover? A perfect relationship.

It’s frustrating how feelings get in the way. You want to ‘feel’ love for God, ‘feel’ love from him and it’ sort of only part of the love picture.

Knowing how someone thinks just because you’ve been around them a lot – there is something more there when that is present.
– To think like God thinks.

To be comfortable in silence, to enjoy talking to eachother. This is the safety of friendship, of love.
– To be comfortable with God’s silence (but still truthful, frustrated if need be), to be actively listening to him.

To explore life with another. Experience moves you closer.
– To remember and involve God in the everyday.

And touch. This is where it seems to fall kind of flat…

Christ is in each of us.

I was going to say, so kindness to others, finding ‘touch’ in others blah blah blah.

but that’s sort of it. Christ is in us and around us.

To cry, be honest with someone – the knowing.
– To be honest and vulnerable with God.

*random thoughts

Emotional ties.
Friendship – sharing life.
But with God there is no chance of betryal.
No fear
No fear in love
God is love.
How easy it is to forget
How difficult to act on it.
God is love. It is his very nature.
And human desires, wants, relationships are relevant. Love is love regardless of the context, if it is genuine (whatever genuine is).
God has the upperhand on us. He created the concept after all, he embodies it and is the concept.

Pursue love.


Well there’s another one.

I find out tonight, that Peta is engaged (this is my best friend from year 8, whom I have kept up with on and off).

Today in a nutshell:

-Lifeskills class, event management (of which I haven’t really mentioned much yet) is beginning to be a bit of a pain.
-Relieved of CAF duties (HOORAY) no dishes for Bec.
-Group Focus Lament Service, interesting, not in the right frame of mind for it. Had nice alone time after though, on a swing outside in the cold 🙂
-Chat with Elyce. Good stuff, talked life, she wanted to talk to me about beach missions stuff/interest… individually before she does group ask (???)
-Dinner. Jess pulled me aside and we talked about last night, sorted some stuff out. I pretty much clarified the misunderstanding, and we hopefully both ‘got’ where eachother was coming from. Apologised for a probably unnecesary comment over the phone. Conclusion, we are vastly different. We already knew this.
-Youth Min. Fairly good. Nothing gobsmackingly brilliant compared to previous weeks.

and that’s about it.
/boring post


It took me a lot of ‘doing’ tonight to get over the partially accounted for frustration.
I clean sometimes when I’m annoyed, bothered, angry.
I vaccumed my room tonight, and the hall, and I cooked.

Oh the day was alright. Quite good infact. Slept in until 8:30-9:00, somehow bothered myself with a billion things that needed doing except printing my assignment… which I should do now.

(an msn user here inserts brb.)


(an msn user here inserts back.)

At about 11am Sam walked down, and we waited for Jess.
Caren (Jess’ mum) somehow roped me and the other two (well Sam didn’t have a lot of choice) to come help out at her school’s book week. Taking photos with the kid’s soft toys and helping them write/make stories on PowerPoint.
I wasn’t overly keen, but figured I had nothing to lose. So we went. I don’t know about the other two, but I rather enjoyed myself.
Produced: The Great Jail Escape.
The kids behaved themselves and got mostly involved.

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We were a bit late getting back to class. New Testament Tuesday’s. Today (for a change) I found it rather interesting. I ended up sitting next to Elyce, she wants to ‘ask me something’/chat with me tomorrow??? Whatever it is (there is one thing I’d rather she not ask, because yes hmm. I didn’t want to her to know – a good thing, I have a feeling it could be it) I’m fairly glad. I tend to say hello to Elyce a lot of the time and hardly ever get to talk to her. She’s one of the yits girls I really respect.

mmm. So class was both interesting, they did the ‘cultural values’ bit LAST (It’s about time!) and made it interactive. Hurrah for them! I quite enjoyed myself.

Michael is beginning to annoy me with his, “Oh, Bec is so great because she’s coming to Careforce” business. I plan on telling him if I get the chance, that I’d much rather be liked as a person for who I am, not for where I go to church ie: enough is enough… maybe that’s something for tomorrow’s CAF duty, seeing as I generally end up talking ‘church business’/other with him over dishes.

Had an interesting chat to Katie and Jo about money/tithing/offering/faith etc. over the afternoon break in the Student Lounge (this new, relatively undiscovered, warm, couch filled room). A bit to think about.

Went to gathering. They had music. Muchly enjoyed.

End of class. I took a bit of time a) actually finding Rowan to get photos of yits stuff off of his computer. b) getting Tom’s help in attempting to get the Tabor network working with my computer. We gave up in the end and reverted to something or other… some usb thing (not a stick, looked more like a hard-drive, probably was). I was there maybe half an hour later than normal.

The drive home. Sam and I were talking on and off. Jess really quiet. Never a good sign.

Phonecall tonight from Jess about bringing something tomorrow. I took the plunge and asked her what was up.

Re: money issues/petrol. She absolutely hates asking for it. It’s perfectly okay with Sam and I to pay it. Anyway. She didn’t think we were doing it ‘gratefully’ enough or something strange. Which I’ll say, because yeah, when you hand over some petrol money it’s not as if you go all happy chappy ‘here you go!’ with a blonde smile plastered across your face. I just give it. No problems, but I’m not going to make a song and dance about it… there is giving cheerfully, and normally… sure, I would pay her as I pay anyone.
I really don’t understand Jess. We haven’t always gotten along hugely well in the past, and it’s usually been along the lines of personality related misunderstandings. ‘I don’t have any idea how her head works sometimes’. She doesn’t understand my apparent ‘I don’t cares’… maybe hmm, lack of theatricals? My bluntness, my nothing bothers me hugely unless it is well, huge (or the occasional… uh, other)
Gift giving is nothing huge for me, it is way up there for Jess. (how that relates I dont’ entirely know, but it does).

Anyway. Talking on the phone Here’s me doing the ‘talk reasonable, the facts, this is how it is, of course we are grateful’ deal, and she starts crying. Hooray, Rebecca knows brilliantly well how to deal with crying people. I really wanted to ask her if she was ‘pissed off’ at me to just get it out and say so. Some long silences, which I eventually broke because phone silences are stupid. I tried to get through to her that we were appreciative etc… I don’t know how well it worked, anyway she handballed herself to Laura and I was erm, rather glad to get off the phone.

I Jess has a very hard time beleiving people love and appreciate her. I once thought I analysed things, ha no way in comparison to her. When she goes unreasonable like this it frustrates me. I can half understand, but yes. Continual affirmation, is something I also don’t do very well.

So the rest of the evening, I am entirely frustrated. I don’t know if it was just the phone call or other. Whatever. Erghness. To the extent where I wouldn’t have minded smashing something for the sake of it. (haha I write that now and sound so violent). Put on loud music – no Keane or anything soothing (ergh I hate that word, but it works). I cleaned. I cooked Banana Bread (I DID NOT BURN IT – or do anything else wrong for that matter).
And yes.

I am not angry with Jess, I wasn’t angry with her at all. I do not understand her, this frustrates me. It annoys me that she’s obviously annoyed with me for just acting the way I normally act.
It will probably be a non issue tomorrow from my end anyway.

It is curious how many of my friends (a lot who read this) are ‘feelers’. Yeah I know, belt me over the head with a brick – I will talk personality stuff if I so please….
Sam, Burkie, Dave, Jo, Katie (?), Jonny (?)

(And there you go Dave, there’s a real situation of a thinker’s attempt to understand a feeler and failing.)

And some of the older photos I got off Rowan:

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All the YITS people, End of Term 1 (I think)

See this much bigger

Bec, Sam, Rachel, Elyce, Jo