Month: <span>August 2005</span>

Open file

Currently listening to… (set the scene 🙂
Vivaldi – The Four Seasons – Winter

I wish…
That certain people would talk more about themselves
That I would talk less about myself
That I was encouraged more
That I could find it easier to love my sisters
That I spent more time with Dad
That I got along better with Mum
That I took the initiative to call people, to spend time with them
That I would want to spend more time with God and not feel guilty when I want to do other stuff.
That I would act the same around everyone, that I could just be myself

I want to one day…
Wake up in the same bed with someone I love (get married)
Go back and visit the Solomons, see if the dog I left over there would react the same way it did when I came back from 3 days of being on camp
See live theatre of- Les Miserables, Handel’s Messiah… almost anything else
Write a book
Have a SITAG reunion
Have a baby
Visit Europe

DVD most wanted list:
Les Miserables (the Claire Danes one)
Love Me if you Dare
Amelie
Little Women

Random Facts

I called my dog Job not because of the ‘great sorrow’ most see, but because of the ‘great faith’ I found in that book.

I actually lost lost my first tooth. I spent all day with a little friend at a school in Brisbane looking for it.

I think 1996-1998 somewhere in those years I was first introduced to the internet, I was facinated from day one.

The first computer games I played were a, ‘create a dinosaur’ and ‘learn sign language’ – DOS.

I started learning to listen to God when I fell down a hill in front of some friends after showing off, and when I stabbed myself on this vine, I think it was in the same day – or same week. Funny stupid lessons involving ‘mottos’ and Bible verses.

I like squaredancing… or did about 4 years ago, I haven’t since.

I went through a horse stage.

I used to be able to draw quite well.

I used to collect teddy bears – excessively.

I used to be good at drama… that was primary school.

I was somehow lured into a position where I had to sing something in front of someone when I was maybe 7 – at Girls Brigade. I didn’t sing for a long time. I couldn’t – I was ‘bad’ at it.
I can sort of sing now, but I don’t like to infront of people.

I loved lego. I called my ‘space guy’: Nero… after the Emperor, despite his cruelty.

I went through a ballet stage when I was about 5. I owned a tutu. Mum got Laura and me to go to “Jazz Ballet’ I didn’t want to as it wasn’t ‘authentic’, I hated every moment of it, the teacher was weird, I couldn’t keep up. That ended my facination with that.
That school burnt down later, I might have been secretly pleased.

The first journal I ever kept consistently was entirely about my dog.

I went to a sleep over when I was about 11. We watched a movie (I think I know it now as ‘I know what you did last summer’ – I could be wrong), this has a section where seance is held or something. This movie haunted me for years.

The only disney movie that ever gave me nightmares was the Little Mermaid.

The first CD I ever owned was by Michelle Tumes. I still have it somewhere but I don’t listen to it, it’s a bit embarassing.

I had a experience at work experience in year 10 where the guy who ran the business asked me to, on my break ’empty my mind… etc’. I believe he and his girlfriend were inovled in a cult. I flat refused to his face, and seriously considered walking home. I should have.

I tie memories most strongly to music and to smell.

I do not know if I want to go to uni any more next year.

I like it when guys are courteous and open doors, but not in excess.

I think the guy should always ask the girl out and not the other way around.

I called Hannah a cow this evening.

Sixpence None the Richer is probably the band I like best.

Piano music messes with my insides, in a good way.

Milkyways are the best chocolate, I would prefer it if they made them bigger

I drink coffee and eat chocolate when I’m feeling low
(but not exclusively so)

I’d rather yell at someone and have them do the same, than them not voice what they are feeling.

I am stubborn, bossy when it suits and blunt. Always blunt.

When I can speak my mind and begin to openly disagree – it usually means I am fairly comfortable with those around me.

The best dream I ever had was when I was running along this cliff in some kind of race, with the most amazing scenery, I ended up on this rock looking out at sea, there were killerwhales jumping, all because of God. No description does it justice, even my memory.

I read Swords and Crowns and Rings (Ruth Park) when I was maybe 13. I was way too young to read it then. It is still one of my favourite books. If they made a movie it would be fairly disturbing.

When people cry in front of me, I have a difficult time knowing what to do/say.

2001 was the best and the hardest year I think I’ve ever had.

This year has been the year that has grown me the most, healed me the most and offered me change in a non threatening way.

and I have run out of random things for the time being.

New Testament class – Action Option Journal Entry

Note how the Media refer to Jesus. Where did you hear it? Who said it? Why did they say it? What does it imply about their view of Jesus?

I had to go searching for a mention of Jesus in media, it didn’t make itself known; it wasn’t plastered on a billboard. I don’t watch a lot of TV. I haven’t read the paper for a long time but I was still not overly surprised at what I found when I looked.

I found an article in ‘The Age’, titled: In a Jam for Jesus. It was about a cult. A drastic misinterpretation of Biblical values – the article didn’t tell me this directly, but it was fairly simple to derive it from their literal interpretation of, “Offering your bodies as a living sacrifice” in pushing kidney donation and more alternate/extreme ideas. What frustrates me about stories like this is that non Christians do read them, and draw immediate suspicions about Christianity, often bypassing the ‘cult’ factor and focusing in on the, this is what it means to follow Jesus. That or it subconsciously adds to a ‘anti Jesus’ vibe.

Just as cults are often based around distorted truth, I found another example of this in an article on the Da Vinci Code, a best seller, a different kind of media putting forward wrong ideas of Jesus. The Da Vinci Code however, presents an opportunity for ‘Jesus interest’, which can only be a good thing. It does highlight Jesus in a purely historical context, placing what I understand as fact into a constrained box of fiction.

An article on noisy neighbors, and I quote, “I’ve prayed to Jesus, Buddha, Allah and Gary Ablett.” points towards the view of religion/Jesus being a convenience, a God to pull off the top shelf when you need help. This also emphasises the equivalent value, likening Jesus with sports celebrities. That it ‘does not matter’ which God you pray too, just so long as they are willing to do your bidding.

There is a sign I pass on the train to work – an Essendon footy advertisement that plays of a player’s (Matthew Lloyd) last name. “Praise the Lloyd.” There is reference to Jesus plastered on billboards. Our culture has a very vague idea of who Jesus is and predominantly makes a mockery of what they don’t understand. To me this simply testifies how we constantly fail to portray in our lives who Jesus is.

“And your love remains a mystery, that’s woven all the way through me.” – Brooke Fraser

It’s funny, your head overloads with so much stuff that you don’t have the capacity to write it down and then you leave it and later have absolutely no idea where to start.

So God, you’ve been showing me a lot about ‘story’. How you have your timeless outlook on history. The story of you, of the human race, of earth. And we as individuals have our lives, our stories to live.
I guess I’ve been intruding on other’s stories in some ways.

Stop.
This feels so awkward writing like this.
Start again.

——–

Yesterday. Highlighted, outlined, underscored myself, in that I played the objective being. Attitude direction is a masterful thing sometimes. And although the mental ‘not good enough’ monster reared it’s head it was kept at bay. Thanks God. And I was able to see beyond it, than the more usual (of the past few days)giving into the ‘but what if’s’ and the ‘they really think this’. I verbalised how I was feeling – as if YITS was a bit cliquey. Both for me and conversations that I’ve had with a few others. Yellow group with Tilla (facilitator) is good. It splits me from Jess and Sam so I am away from the very familiar (sorry sammy 🙂 but it’s true) neither Katie nor Jo are in Yellow either.

Alice is an interesting character. I have a good mind to give her the blog link. Maybe.

As to the story thing I so badly started with. Warwick (in Youth Ministry) showed us this piece of weaving – each individual strand getting caught up in a greater picture. Each strand an individual story. It’s (this has) been jumping out at me. God you bought back to mind the ‘author and perfector’ verse (Hebrews 12:2-3).
You let us in on our own story, however strangely that is, as we are already part of it.

And I frequently try to jump strands, solve/carry/heal/fill other people’s problems when it isn’t always my place. To be their counselor when ha, God has/already one through the Holy Spirit.

Is it a trust issue? I don’t know. I thought I trusted God. Maybe not completely.

And despite the call to walk/concentrate on our own lives, there are these disjointed moments where we are bought together. Here’s where to restrain my head from running off on relationship tangents.

Aside from all this ‘story’ relevance, the class was on listening to God.

“My way isn’t yours God. You bring this author and perfector thing back up. What’s up with that? I’ve realised tonight that yes to use my journal for thinking through stuff, to take more time. You want me to include you in that. To have an ongoing conversation with the great conversationalist”

And then I listened.
Or stopped. The same.

Words Rebecca. I have given you them and a heart to seek, to listen to search after me. Use your words. Know me more. What an amazing story you life isnot has been, nor will be. Is. I will show you more of your story and more of mine. You each have your own individual paths to walk, crawl, stumble and run. Yes you can help along their way. (As they do for you). But don’t miss the point of walking your own path, taking part in the story I have scripted for you.
You feel overburdened Rebecca and then seek satisfaction in what you almost foolishly think you are doing for others. Only I can do that. I love using you. But don’t look fo rothers to fulfil and complete you in that way or you are always going to be dissatistfied. I am making you into something beautiful. Selecting each word of your life by hand.
“Peace, peace to those far and near.” Isaiah 57:19
I will find you. I have found you in your divide. Your tearing between countries. I will hear you, heal you, make you whole. I know who you are and I know who you will be.”

I was wondering, praying about whether to share that ^ in the blog, when I read the, “use your words”. I don’t know. I guess I will. It is personal. It’s kind of funny.

How coherent this is I don’t know?
It is enough to hold a memory that might otherwise disappear later. Enough to show what God is doing.

The master weaver.
The story maker.

“you think a lot dont you?”
– Iain (YITS)

We all feel the riddle of the earth without anyone to point it out. The mystery of life is the plainest part of it… Every stone or flower is a hieroglyphic of which we have lost the key, with every step of our lives we entere into the middle of some story which we are certain to misunderstand.
-G.K Chesterton

Hypersensitivity. I will pick up on the smallest things. You walk into a room and a group of friends/acquiantances don’t bother to recognise your presence. I don’t care how selfish it seems. But a smile, eye contact, a hello even? Oh, they are not to blame. But how important it, simple recognition is. It set the tone for the day, or I let it.

I wonder sometimes if people understand how important is the use of names. I’ve thought about it before it came to mind today when Kym used: Rebecca, instead of the standard: Bec.

To risk getting overly metaphorical, it’s sometimes like I live the life of Bec, where I’d rather live the life of the more whole. Rebecca. (I can’t explain very well what’s going on in my head)

Names. Acknowledgement… If we all took a little more care.

I have more than most would even dare to ask for and yet I still crave, friendship, encouragemnt when my mind conjures up the hoax of lakc.
Are we never satisfied?

Feel sometimes as if I’m fighting for too many people.
Where’s someone to fight for me?