And so my sister begins her career. A nightime trip into the William Anglis to watch her first birth.

I marvel yet again at the contrast of our lives.

One womb. Similar life experience and yet here we are. She with a career relatively fixed, a relationship with a man she loves which will no doubt progress into marriage and then babies and then grandchildren. And me. No I’m not jealous. I am fractionally confused. I have no career path, I have no relationship, and I have no idea really where my life is going.

I don’t know what I’ll do with myself beyond uni. I don’t know if this is even where my real ability lies. I cannot however hard I try, see myself in a nine-to-five job as I cannot see what kind of job that would be.

What is with being the one who likes having goals, being planned? And having no footing there whatsoever.

Trust. How can you do good in the world if you can’t find a need that you can meet? If you are waiting for one to fall into your lap because you don’t know any other way.

I am not concerned about the future. I am concerned about the now. What am I doing with my life right now? What moments do we waste sitting around waiting for tomorrow?

General Life Uni

I was doing the dishes last night when I suddenly realised I had said I was going to Jess D’s for movie/pizza with some of the girls from school. Double checked the time to get there: 6:30, it was already past that. So I called her and came late.

I enjoyed myself this time. It was Jess D, Jacqui, Ana, Natalie (!) and myself. Had a good chat with Jess on the way home. I asked the ‘Where are things with you and God’ question. Improved, but kind of status quo. Prayer for her would be good as she has no real desire or can’t find any ‘need’ for God at the moment, “Feels like too much effort”. And for me too, as I plan to catch up with her a fair bit more once camp is over and all that.

Today I slept until 11ish. I was intending to do some nano’ing but didn’t. I didn’t do much at all really. Gushed a bit, msn’ed. Made some lunch, walked the dog. Very low key – I should have read some more of the Potato Factory (Bryce Courtney), I might do that tonight.

So no great philisophical comments or even thoughts from me today.

Have a gush meeting tomorrow. I get to meet John for the first time, shall be good. Have to get the train and sit out the long haul into Ascot Vale. Hope things will go well. I should really start ignoring the introvert inside me and at least talk a bit more.

General Life