I have not been getting much satisfaction out of writing lately. I come on here and all I can put down is how the day has been, what I’ve done. I’m not sure, but sometimes I think what I have to think about or to share is comparable to how much time and effort I’ve put into doing ‘the God thing’. Which hasn’t really been a lot lately.

You think I might have worked the church thing out by now. But I haven’t. I felt it tonight at my cousins 18th. Jaclyn has such an amazing group/s of friends. Friends that put effort into growth, that spend so much time together, that know eachother extremely well. I think it was Nathan (not yits), when he was doing his speech thing, he said something about the length of time he’d known Jaclyn.

I don’t have really any close friends now beyond a maximum of 3-4 years. My friendship circle(s) is spread out, disjointed and to be honest not very close. I don’t have that church friends base.

I was talking to Lusky (Mark) tonight at Mac’s party and the whole ‘I don’t miss people’ thing comes up. It is so blatantly true of me. I don’t miss people, which is both helpful and unhelpful.

Iains 23rd was right before Jaclyns. So there were quite a few yits people there. Sure you ‘click’ right back in. But I don’t know it felt like there wasn’t quite that something that there was. It might be unreasonable to expect it to be there and I have quite possibly moved on a lot faster than I intended, but ha. Jo, it was like our ‘accountability’ day (where we were at the city). Where you, Katie and I sat on the grass and we were at a loss of how to ‘re-interact’.

I don’t know if you ever get the, “I must listen to xyz song” to match or say (for you) whatever is you are thinking/feeling. I listened to Spin (lifehouse) when I got home. I didn’t think about the words so much when I was listening to them but after I went and checked out the lyrics. It was a reminder if anything, to where I should go. Friends, people aren’t always going to be there particularly if my track record is anything to go by. God is.

Last night I went to the Messiah at Hammer Hall.

The ‘went’ bit was horrific.
The actual thing was fantastic. Complete with my predicted, ‘Yes people will stand up during the Hallelujah chorus’.

I ended up going with Tracey and not Jess.

At 5:30 Jess calls me at Dymocks (on their line). “Uh, I just found out I have to work…”

At 6:00 I left work, and walked to the station where I was hoping for a train asap to get back to Mbk. to get the tickets off Henry (Jess’s dad) who would drive them down to me.

I had to run the last bit, but I caught the train just as I go there. From Ringwood, I spent ages trying to get on to David or Henry. No answer. I called heaps. Nothing.

I called home to tell them they’d have to come and get me from the city as I wouldn’t be taking the train back that late. I called Henry again. Nothing. I got to Mbk. I am stressed out and mostly ignoring the small part of rationality (Everything will be fine, you can always call the place and tell them what’s happened) left in my brain.

Called home and in slight desperation, “What should I do?”, actually using those words which is more help than I normally ask for. Told them to call me back. They didn’t call back. I ended up calling them back 10 minutes later – they’d gotten onto Henry somehow and he was coming. So I wait wandering around, sitting impatiently and watching the time for Henry. I am playing with dissapointed hypotheticals in my mind where I can’t get the tickets, or I am late. Henry finally shows up. I get the tickets.

I have ten minutes before the Flinders St. train. I realise I’m still in my work clothes. I get changed in the station bathroom. There is no way I’m wearing navy pants to this kind of thing. I get on the train. Massively relieved.

I backtrack, back past Ringwood. I can’t get on to Tracey.

By this stage I’m entirely fed up, tired from working all day, stressed out heaps. I decided to give her half an hour.

Half an hour. I am still on the train. Tracey is still not answering. I think, ‘stuff this, if she shows up she’ll show up (she was orignially meeting us for dinner, now she is going to use Jess’s ticket so it’s not wasted). At least nothing else can go wrong.

Just before the train pulls into Flinders I realise I used my Zone 3 ticket from this morning’s bus. This could cause problems getting through the ticket barriers. Someone has tied strings to the corners of my mouth and is pulling down hard yet again. Part of me thinks, “This is quite funny” or “I’m sure I’ll find this funny later”. I realised all up that I had been doing a lot more worrying than praying. I did ask for a nice connex person.

I get to the top. Say, “It’s not validated”. He says, “Thats OK darling” and waves me through. I smile inside.

I go to McDonalds for the toilet and to fill up drink bottle (which I forgot to do). I realise I should possibly get something for dinner. I have 15-20 minutes. I don’t want Macca’s food but figure I can put up with it. The line is too long. I go up to the next food place I can find that isn’t so busy. Hungry Jacks.

I start moving the direction of Hammer Hall. I’m calling Tracey and eating and walking all at once. Some guy asks me for money, I think, “No siree you don’t have chance, not after my afternoon” I say, “No”. I can’t get on to Tracey. I send her a message. Nothing. I cross the road. I see Tracey with her phone in her hand just about to call (me).

I work out later I had a different Tracey’s number in my phone, one that shouldn’t even be there.

We get in the doors just in time to go in.

And the rest was wonderful apart from being quite tired. We had good, front row Balcony seats, I could see pretty everything.

I shall not forget the evening, particularly the difficulty in getting there. It was a bit dissapointing I wasn’t going with a closer friend (yes Tracey is a friend, but still Jess would have put a bit more fun into the evening). God must have arranged the train timetable for me and had the humor to play part of Handel’s Messiah while I was waiting for the one into the city.

I got home at mid-night. I was asleep 5 minutes later.