Category: <span>General</span>

I get tired of self evaluation, implimenting change – trying to work out what to deal with next. It’s ridiculous God. Why do I always forget that all I need is to listen to you, seek you, learn to know you. I get so wrapped up in ‘bettering me’. Where’s the balance God in developing charcter and taking self awareness to the point where it cripples you? How God, do I know? Is it when I get down because I feel I’m not learning, not being challenged? Is it when, because of my life and the lack of abundance of busy, or the alternate, too busy to analyse and that being where I go flat. Does so much of my God relationship focus on trying to build up a likeness, while too frequently forgetting about the actual relationship factor?

In my weariness of ‘rebecca evaluation’ I have done just that. re-evaluated me. A good thing as maybe I identified the ‘should be’ obvious. Acting out on changing it is a different matter. Too long God have I looked to you for challenge, for what I do not need as a primary focus. Lord I only need you. How easy it is to get wrapped up in anything else.

God, I think I know what I need, but I really don’t. You know. I do know that I need you every minute, not for what I can learn or become, but for who you are.

Instead of asking for growth Abba, let me know how to love you. To see you as God and to hold you in the highest honor.

You are God.
And if my life does not express that, If I haven’t grasped that concept, then any growth, strength of character is meaningless.

“Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.” – Ecclesiastes 12:13

Because you are God.

You know I like irony, don’t you God? Where I evaluate my evaluations, think about thinking and am forever wrapping myself back to the start.

After a day of frustrating procrastination and ‘stuckness’… I have written 400 of the 2000 I am meant to have on a “Bible Study” of the book of Job. *black look* What a way to spend a Saturday.

I did get questions back from Melina. Practical Evangelism essay thing… and they are incredibly interesting, so I’ll post them here. The idea is to get a feel for their world view and then write up a report on culturally appropriate methods of explaining Jesus etc…

Challenge to you, to ask non-chrisitan friends this kind of stuff. Lots, sorry for length. Any observations, please comment this is going to be fractionally harder than I thought it might be.

—————-

What are the most important things in your life?

– Making a positive difference in this world

– Friends and family- and my wider family of course, which is the world

What are your favourite activities in life?

– Talking, sharing ideas, philosophising with friends

– Working for a company where my contribution is real and valued

– Learning, through experience, reading, music, events, the news, other people, my new ventures or businesses

What do you celebrate in life?

– Traditionally- Christmas, Easter, NYE, Chinese NYE, birthdays anniversaries etc

– Untraditionally, friendships, partnerships, new ideas, life changing concepts, the rise of the “long tail”, power to the people etc

What do you think makes a good person?

– Someone who has good intentions for the world as a whole, not just for themselves, or just for their family, or just for their race or group, but for all(of course the fact that the definition of “good intentions” is completely subjective can cause conflict sometimes)

– Acting on those good intentions really is necessary to make one a good person

What do you think makes a bad person?

– Someone who has good intentions for themselves or just a sector of the world which then creates negative intentions towards the rest of the world as a result.

Do you think your life or view in the world are unique?

– I think that we as people are all unique from one another, however I am not so naïve to think that I am the only person that thinks this way. In fact, I believe that a whole lot of people probably think along the same lines that I do

– I think that my world view is unique from other world views because it puts the onus or power back on the individual to make what he or she wants out of life, and considers “success” and “health” and “wellbeing” on a grand scale, rather than individual or family or sector based.

What would you say is the point of life?

– Life is about the journey, not the destination for me.

– The point in life is to live and love the journey, to learn as you go, cherish each and every day and leave this earth slightly better than when you joined it. After all, that’s all we can do

Melina’s Philosophy

I think that you get the most out of life when you play at 100%

I truly believe that we are all interconnected, essentially we are all one. Although we only have conscious awareness of our individual selves, I believe that on an unconscious level, we are just one.

Live and love the journey, as this is when true happiness occurs.

Stop to smell the roses regularly, this will give you clarity and peace.

AIM HIGH AND PLAY HARD IN THE GAME OF LIFE, BUT BE HAPPY AND CONTENT KNOWING THAT YOU HAD A GO. AFTER ALL, THAT’S ALL YOU CAN DO.

What values and beliefs would you want to pass on to your children or friends?

– Do unto others….

– Act with the “whole” in mind. (as in the whole world)

– Have a mindset of abundance rather than scarcity

– You are empowered to make change in this world, what you do is up to you

– How do you become happy? You decide to.

– You’ll be amazed at what you can achieve when you set your mind to it.

If you could change the world, what would be different?

– Freedom for all

– Fair and equal distribution of resources so that empowered people can do their best work!

What do you think about church?

– I don’t know much about church. I think that institutionalised religion can be dangerous, as some become like runaway freight trains, i.e. Hardcore traditionalists, cults etc

Does attending church appeal to you at all?

– Gathering at a place every week to share ideas, support one another and unite to a positive cause – I believe in this idea in theory.

– The idea of attending church (and I don’t think I have ever been) seems to me to be an awesome, good intentions community to be a part of, but the idea of attending church itself does not appeal to me because I feel like I’d need to conform to be a part of it

What would you change about church, to make it somewhat more appealing?

– To accept all races and religions into it, and to become a more generic place of unity and respect and acceptance, like I eluded to above.

– The only Christian thing I have been to recently was Festival Victoria with Franklin Graham, and the whole experience left a bad taste in my mouth. I think that the philosophy of Christianity is well meaning, with good intentions, from what I know of it, but ultimatums, threats and judgements on other people, other cultures and other people’s values and opinions is not only intrusive, it’s down right offensive.

– I don’t hold it against people that are Christian, so why must Christians hold it against me that I’m not. It just does not seem like a fair and respectful playing field.

What do you expect a church service to be like?

– Some singing, and someone up the front speaking about the bible and the way of god, and making it relate to everyday modern life with examples, stories metaphors etc.

– Sometimes uplifting and inspiring, sometimes creating feelings of guilt and inadequacy

What do you think God is like?

– Well, that depends on which God you are asking about. The Christian God, I’ll assume. The ideas I’ve gotten from Christians about what God is like is that he is part of us and that we are part of him. He is an all-mighty, all-seeing being, who rises above us all. He knows all and sees all. He is loving and forgiving. He shows compassion and love to his followers when they show their love for him.

Do you think there is more than just the physical world we see?

– Yes, I believe that our conscious only allows us to see a miniscule amount of what is actually out there. I believe that we are all made up of the same energy, and that the circle of life recirculates this energy. Because of this, I think that we are all interconnected with each other, and the earth as a whole. I believe in having a soul or a spirit inside us which makes us more than just physical matter. What happens to this soul when we die I am not sure.

What do you think about the supernatural and spiritual realities?

Not sure about the question…

I think they are a possibility

Have you ever had a ‘spiritual’ experience?

– I believe that we are connected and can communicate without words to a certain extent. I believe that people that have passed can communicate with us to a certain extent, and have experienced this once.

– I have felt “at one” with the Universe.

What do you think about Jesus Christ?

– I don’t know anything about Jesus Christ. From what others say, who believe in him, he appears to be a selfless individual. However if “the only way is through Jesus”…

– I don’t think I know enough to have a valid opinion about Jesus Christ.

…I confess my life would make and interesting movie. That is if you could live the life I live in my head, see things from my perspective. Actually it would be rather insightful to know what’s going on in there sometimes. To decode the music scales of my thoughts. Absolutely all over the place. I have a strange strange personality. I’m pleased to be me.

It’s remarkable God how our minds flick in rapid succession from one thought to another, the latter being entirely unrelated to the former and all that follow.

I was conciously thinking about thinking while still thinking and realised that I went from sussing out my flip swing attitude of today – wondering why I’m so alive tonght, to the life and death of a lady I barely knew, and attempting to remember what impact it had on my world. I realised that so many people who enter into your life leave marks or some kind. I remember her teaching me how to knit (bizzarest of things). To this day I’ve never finished anything but that’s not the point. She taught me.

I’m confused now God, why do I explain stuff like this when I could write Cathy Calder and you’d know each detail. How much is this for memories sake, how much for sharing, how much authentic communcation with you?
I love to write God.
And I don’t understand why this passion and love of words is revisting my head, it doesnt go away. Why I sometimes write… dare I say, well, and other times pound out the cliches and words like funny and stuff and random?
What plan do you have for that?

Also thinking about singleness and online youth ministry. I really, ha, would like a definitive guide on both… is it too much to ask for an article or conversation?

I felt lonely today. I have been a bit of late. I don’t like being passionless or goal-less. Show me things! Maybe I need my face slammed full of what I’m too occupied to see.

Beautiful God. You see me externally, internally and in every incomprehensible dimension. Thank you for that. For still loving me besides.

What I wrote today, simply because I don’t know what I got out of it besides this. We were meant to be (in a way) looking for God in the casino. I had trouble. What I ended up writing first was a sloppy mess, got home scrapped lines here and there, highly disjointed. A Psalm was the intention, but I couldn’t write one.

Casino

Chaotic – organised hurry
Where are you in this?
Pathways leading every which way.
The hospitality laden advertisments
are true to the reality.
Where black predominates through furniture,
jackets, people’s expressions, the carpet
Hospitality where the fake nature of the man at the door
is acted out with such precision
the smile is large, handshake strong, a picture of genuine
Here am I
and I’m trying to write a Psalm in a
place I find it hard to feel
Words can’t make much sense God when
each time I look up something has changed
This place is it’s own world
Happy, sad
Designed to invite people to stay
Every convienience but sunlight, space to think
What do I think?
What do you think?

Then I thought I’d better stop rambling words and write something. Haven’t written a poem or anything in a long time. sloppy again, but then that doesn’t really matter because it got my empty head on to paper.

Looking across I can see
A scrambled mess of table legs
Shaddows stretching around
Consumers legs
Passing
Continuing
And I, sitting.
And old lady walks past
Her glasses out, and off
As though the need to see is gone
Walking out from the world within a world
Not smiling
Shaddows wrapping lines around
ankles
Adding lines to lines
Caught up
Blind
Oblivious

Jo slept over last night. It was nice to, or rather is nice to be able to relate to the word ‘enjoy’. Filled time effectively, had a good talk.

God, it’s funny bringing that back, spending time with someone and realising there’s not a million other things you’d rather be doing – like the other times. Teach me the authenticity of friendship. I need to relearn that with JessD adn catch up with her more. You put her in my life for a reason thats a certainty. You’ve spoken through her before. Thankyou for honesty – good confrontation, real friendship.

Envy. A funny concept that visited me today. I was able to stand back and experience something I haven’t conciously before. I am surprised. Not that I haven’t experienced envy, but a recognition of how tightly linked it is to self image. Please forgive me God. I really wanted to be her (whom will remain nameless) today. It was strange. Because the moment the thought entered my head the utter stupidity of the idea and the ‘I am happy with who I am’ was there. Offered a choice I guess. To dwell on it or not. I did not and am thankful I did not. I am annoyed the thought arrived in the first place.

hmm God, help me to understand who I fully am in you. Have and sidelined normalities decided to pay me a visit? Self assure. Convinced Idon’t have issues with it for so long. Yes I do. I know I do. Not the extent of many and maybe differently.
Self image. The mirror monster for the moment ignored, always ignored. Do I need to fight it? Have I fought it? If I can’t or choose not to let it factor in my life will it still appear later? I do and live life backwards sometimes. Maybe I am just extremely self aware.

You just want me to pray God don’t you. To shut up writing and start talking and listening.
Ok.