Category: <span>General</span>

What about a life with honesty and integrity? What about a life where we esteem You in your rightful place? What about a life where we cared less what others thought, and walked on ice but with confidence for you? What about a life of creativity and uniquness? What about a life where we asked the questions we were too afraid to ask? What about a life where we recognised each moment for what it was? What about a life where we would take those moments and make something of them? What about a life where we really knew and understood those we spend everyday with? What about a life where we acknowledged our failings our weaknesses and had the courage to change? What about a life where honor was more important then seeing that a person was either three steps back or three forward on the path of growth? What about a life where communication with you was more important than sharing who we are with another? What about a life where we would give our inconsistencies to you, a life where we could be ourselves? What about a life where love was predominant – Godly love? What about a life where we would set aside to be still and know God? What about a life where busyness could be pushed aside and the more important things take precedence? What about a life where we would recognise who you are? What about a life where we understood who we are from your perspective? What about a life where we could realise our dreams? What about a life that was not mediocre nor dry?

“Meaningless! Meaningless! says the Teacher. Everything is meaningless.” – Ecc 12:8

“Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter; Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man” – Ecc 12:13

I built these walls with blinders on my eyes
brick by brick and now I realize
that I’m shut out I’m shut in
and every time I try to reach out I reach in
I break my fingers on the bricks
why do I do this to myself
there is really no one else to blame

so could you reach down and pull me out
or am I just too far gone to be saved?
or am I just too far gone to be saved?

I take my falls, hands pulled behind my back
you made the knot and didn’t leave much slack
now I’m tied up I’m tied down
now every time I try to fly up I fly down
into the sea and hold my breath
I am a mirrored rumble fish
life is so clenching for the kill

so could you reach down and break my will
or am I just too far gone to be saved?
or am I just too far gone to be saved?

I’m shut out I’m shut in
and every time is try to reach out reach in
I break my fingers on the bricks
now every time I try to fly up I fly down
into the sea and hold my breath
I am a mirrored rumble fish
life is so clenching for the kill

so could you reach out and pull me out
or am I just too far gone
you’ll never be too far gone,
you’ll never be too far gone to be saved

I am in that place where I am neither content nor entirely discontent. I do not know where exactly things are headed. I do know what I am not ready for, it doesn’t stop the wanting, but it allows for the waiting.
My life is resonating with the ‘to far gone’ song. I know I am not. But could you reach down and pull me out? I came back to the Isaiah verse tonight.
So could you reach down and take my hand? Because I do not understand where I am going and I would rather go somewhere with you than nowhere with myself. What do you want of me? My all.
Show me please God, where to press on if I don’t know where?

Where to start? Today – what I’d been looking forward to for over a week. Exceptional day. ‘Boundries’ in Lifeskills. Becky S is fantastic – I wish they got her in more. Massage for Group Focus which was SO nice. Paired up with Katrina – that friendship is growing. Later Michael basically descided he didn’t like doing massage stuff with Mark… (some stupid blah about not being manly) and so Katie went over there and I got stuck with him. Didn’t mind, but K and I hardly got a chance to protest, it just happened. Katie did a better job.
Jess’s theory on the matter ‘they chose girls who don’t flirt’, in which case I don’t mind so much, because that shows wisdom on their behalf.

Anyway, boundries. I’d been waiting on this class.

“A boundry is something that keeps what belongs to me safe, it defines my responsibility and provides an opportunity for me to invite or decline people in.”

I’ve realised, after a conversation with ___ and one with ___ last night (well ok, more vents/rants and whatevers) that perhaps I’m taking too much gush responsiblity. Yes I did burn out that time when all the first Mon stuff came up – it was prty unique situation and understandable re: stress. Those few forced days off were the best thing. All this gush stuff although more subtle is directing me up the same alley. I will burn out if I keep taking it all on. An orchestra sounds better than a one-man-band – although that’s kind of an extreme metaphor it’s sometimes what it feels like.

I thought I was good at saying no. Maybe I need to re-evaluate and watch myself a bit more.

Galatians 6:2-5
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load.

aside from being minorly disgusted at my Bible’s ‘studynotes’ which focussed only on the first part and disregarded the second…
‘for each should carry his own load’ v.5 We have just as much responsibility for ourselves. We can offer support etc… but that doesn’t me we have to put down our load to carry their all. Our attitudes, our behavior and our choices are all personal responisiblities.

In looking at boundries with others – strike the balance between challenging them and not going so far as to walk over there boundries. God, I’ve been at fault before in that. Please forgive me. Help me to understand when to stop. To not ask that extra question, to leave the probing to you.

A reminder to let my own boundries be known.

God please help me to establish healthy boundries in my life – show me what and where they need to be. Help me to slow down, to be disciplined in taking time out for you and using my other time appropriately. Help me to serve where I am not consumed by the serving, to know when to say ‘no, that’s too much’. To not trample other’s boundries, but use me to challenge them. Lord bring peole into my life to effectively challenge my own ineffective or inappropriate boundries.

Something that came up today. That you’ll match our effort – our initiative. I’d hardly say lots of this stuff lately has been all in my own strength. Not at all. You work through our desires and our pitiful efforts. I can do all this stuff and try to impliment change in my life but nothing would really happen.
This year – what’s it about? Growth? Recognising and resetting my boundries? Watching and experienceing your involvement in my life? Whatever it is, I want to thank you. It’s only May God, how much can happen in a short time.
You are mysterious God.
I don’t understand how you work, but I’m certainly glad you do.