Category: <span>General</span>

Published May 2, 2005 by

Conformity as a lifestyle (slightly-abridged)

I’m floundering again, or maybe I’m just a little lost. I don’t know why I get this feeling. It’s different this time. I came to the conclusion sitting in class today that I don’t know myself any more and I can’t work out if that’s a good thing or not. Maybe it’s a case of knowing myself or beginning to understand myslef with a lot of walls that were previously there smashed. My inside is being rennovated… and I’m sitting here over analysing again.

God, I do wonder what you are trying to show me with all this worship stuff lately. It’s like you are holding a neon sign in front of my face but still cannot read the words. Help me to understand Gd if there are specifics adn this is not just the beginning of a progressive journey – which is probably better in the long run anyway. Or is this just another way of you showing me small stuff through my everyday?

I look at this ‘lesson’ so to speak and where it began…
My guess now i sthat it started before the worship conversation and with that week I took off music, what did I ask You then?… I asked you to teach me through the ‘silence’ and who me more of your greatness. From the week off you bought me a conversation, a day to reflect more on it with a sermon/words closely aligned. You had me go listen about ‘passion’ wiht Christine Caine and you gave me a CL class on worship of all things! Remarkable coincidences some might call it. I love seeing you work. But I dont’ understand.
Ha, thats right, another thing, you gave me that article.

Surprisingly it didn’t feel as if I got as much out of theis week’s Creative Living, maybe because I’ve been ‘primed’ and have been exploring the lingo so nothing hugely stood out. Should it matter if there are standout moments or not, probably not.

So things that did make half an impression: the wearing of a facade etc… is not worship. God doesn’t tolerate lies, worship is the same.
Jane came up with the word ‘conformity’ as a word thought of when hearing the concept ‘worship’. That is pretty much the most explicit way of describing so many services, hypey or not.

“If you cannot worship the Lord in the midst of your responsibilities on Monday, it is not very likely that you were worshiping on Sunday” – Tozer

We listened to the ‘Hallelujah’ song by Jeff Bukley (the Shrek one) discussed it and determined that worship was giving your hallelujah’s to something/someone be it God or other.

Romans 12:1-2 and 1 Cor 10:31

God please work in me, help me to give my hallelujah’s only to you….
Be first.
Conformity as a lifestyle sucks.

General

Published May 1, 2005 by

Thank you

…I wrote this earlier, and I don’t know whether or not, now to delve a little deeper into my mind or just let things be.

God, today has been so full, there’s so much I could think about, explore mer and learn so much from, but all I want to do is know that I am wholely and completely yours… to forget the intricracies of theologically and doctrinely correct nitpicking and to be with you. Be my safety. Everything in me just wants to say thank you… I could be as low as someone with their face pressed into the ground and never be able to praise you enough. thank you thank you thank you…

the fullness of my day from the following:

Church.
It stood out to me today, as we were light on ‘vocalists’ although we had a fair ammount of other music, and about 3/4 of the way through music stuff one of the other guys (not on the team for this week) got up and helped them out. I liked that, it’s funny but you don’t often see expressions of genuine kindness even in a church setting.
Sermon was on thankfulness.

My mind must have been well ahead of me, because looking at it now, my afternoon was not really that full. Aside from walking the dog and reading my ‘doctrine’ book (homework) I didn’t do a whole lot.

My mind has been further playing on the worship conversation I had with other person a week back – I think because it stemmed from a discussion based on the dissatisfaction of my church. Align with the whole ‘worship’/’passion’ thing has been me noticing the sincere lack of joy in most of the members of my church. I am not surprised to some extent, the general population being well, older. The whole matter or not being surprised is kind of disheartening.
Geoff said today, with the thankfulness stuff – why don’t we show it? What about smiling? Clapping? It’s OK to lift your hands. haha oh yes.
If I struggle watching the lack of ‘anything’ as an introverted ‘part of the congregation’, how much more does he go through trying to put a little genunine (yes I like that word) enthusiasm into the place?
I know God, you are working there, WPC has come a very long way from what it was a few years back, it’s been through a rough patch. I just find it incredibally difficult to keep making these mental excuses for it when I feel like we are drastically missing something.

When Jess called Laura this afternoon and said, do you and Bec want to come to ‘Generate’ to hear Christine Caine… my initial response was: no, not really – I’ve got stacks of other stuff to do tonight. I called Laura back about 2 minutes later and asked her what was being spoken about.
Ah the irony, ‘Passion’.
God you have a strange sense of humor.
I decided to go.

mm. so now. after thankfulness, wandering thoughts and an evening of passion :).
I am here.

Have I come to any more conclusions on me, where I stand as a ‘passionate person for God’? No. No further than to say, to be authentic is the most important thing.

“It’s who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That’s the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship.” -John 4:23 (MSG)

This has been affirmed over and over.

God, I went to tonight’s thing with the intention of exploring more of ‘worship’ and being ‘passionate’ for you. Help me to live out life concerned with the ‘whatever’s’. You put in me a greater desire to work for you in the things that I am involved in now.
I was encouraged for being right where I am.

My perpetual want for stretching myself a little bit further all the time has wound me back to the position of again remembering the importance of now. Do I ever learn?

General

Published April 30, 2005 by

Untitled (un-abridged)

I slept in until 1:00pm today. I never do that. I should watch myself, maybe I”m more worn out than I think. Wrote my 5 Principles of Living essay. It’s strange lately, I’ve had heaps of Solomons and PNG memories come back to me. Why? It’s great, but why now? Is my mind, myself able to cope with them now I’ve sorted other stuff out? I don’t know.
God open my eyes as I look through stuff like these 5 principles and remember past stuff. Thank you for working in me then and for making me the person I am now. Continue your good work.

General Life Solomon Islands YITS

Published April 30, 2005 by

5 Principles of Living

Essay is done.
Not too bad for a last minute kind of thing.
I think the conclusion is pretty shoddy – sort of tacky, but oh well. It made me think through a fair bit of stuff and explore a lot of the old.

——————————————————

Introduction

In discovering what my 5 Principles of Living are, I have explored my past experience, the struggles that I’ve had in life and how I have responded. There are areas in my life where I have recognised I have fallen short and have purposefully set out to grow from them. Values that I hold through Christianity and these periods of growth highlight the framework of who I am and point me in a definite direction of finding my Principles of Living.
The resulting list:
-Faithfulness and communication with God
-Patience
-Mastery
-Purity
-Respect and compassion

Faithfulness and Communication with God

This principle of living, Faithfulness and communication with God is the principle that I place most priority on. As, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” (Deut. 6:5) Is the first Biblical commandment, I would like to think that this is true for myself.

Evidence of this in my own life has been my continual growth process of recognising that God should be the most important. My journey from a 10 year old not particularly wanting to join in with my sister’s ‘Bible club’ and my fierce independence in ‘finding’ God on my own been has illustrated Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” where God has placed incidents throughout my life where I could do no less than rely on him. An example of this in the past week, where I struggled in needing to talk to someone and God not only provided encouragement in several forms but literally set up the situation where I could talk to this person, a circumstance that would not normally occur.

A large part of seeing God work in my own life has been through prayer. More recently I have had valued times of getting up on a Saturday morning and simply setting out to ‘do breakfast’ with God. This is my personal illustration of Mark 1:35 “Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.” And although it is neither very early, nor dark, I have taken myself aside and set apart time for God other than my normal late evening, often rushed effort.

Through weekly, even daily examples of the small (sometimes large) things that God shows me, “[I] know therefore that the Lord [my] God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands.” (Deut. 7:9)

Patience

In looking at Patience as a principle of living, it is best to consider the issue of change, which has been significant in my life, as I have lived in multiple cultures. Satisfaction with who I am where I am has been a battle fought on and off. I’ve repeatedly used a change of scenery as leverage for altering myself. The desire to amend who I am, has inhibited me through racing ahead of the moment and forgetting to live in the now. I have grappled with wanting myself, and my responses to differ, becoming increasingly impatient with waiting for the future to happen. James 1:2-4 has become significant in my life,

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

I have always been an impatient person an it appears that patience and perseverance are not standards in my life but rather areas that I have difficulty with, however I believe that God has instilled patience as a principle that I am continually called to live up to.

Psalm 130:6 says, “My soul waits for the Lord and in his word I put my hope, more than the watchmen wait for the dawn.” I know that there is hope tied to waiting, where I once thought that change was the story of my life; looking back I would prefer to call it patience.

Mastery

I have long understood that, “Whatever you listen to and experience the most will shape what you believe and what you do.” (Lookadoo, 2001: 23) which is why I have identified Mastery as a principle of living.

Romans 12:1-2 defines why mastery or, self-discipline/control is an important factor in my life,
“Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God–this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Identifying that my stubbornness can be reinterpreted as a quality has been eye opening. A practical example and a small attempt at this was a week that I took without music. It was difficult and I nearly gave up numerous times. Aside from some vague idea as to why, I had no reason to go through with it. Afterwards I discovered that the week was to, “Get some headspace, to stop letting songs do the thinking for me and make an effort to connect with God differently.” (Beimers, 2005)

Mastery is biblical, it is defined as self-control – a fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:23. And encouraged in Ephesians 4:22-24,

“You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”

For me, this principle of living requires determination through small challenges and results in affecting the way I think, live and act.

Purity

I have always placed immense value upon purity. As a principle of living, I want to be able to look back on this area (purity in relationships) as one that I have not drastically marred.

“Chastity [purity] is more than what you don’t do, it’s what how you live your life. You believe in respect and dignity. You give love a chance. You do believe that sex is wonderful and powerful. You want to share that gift with your soul mate for a lifetime.” (Smith, n.d.)

My reasons fall back to Ephesians 5:3, ”But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” And to Song of Solomon 2:7 “…do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.”

Practicality draws back to my decision to save sex until marriage, and the desire not to be someone who plays with relationships recklessly. I have never admired girls who go through boyfriends frequently and attempt to find their worth this way.

I want God to be completely in control of this area of my life, and be obedient in this, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” (Prov. 4:23) I trust him completely to bring the right person into my life at the right time because, “It is a safe thing to trust Him to fulfill the desire which He creates” (Carmichael, 1987: 106)

Respect and Compassion

After a fair amount of deliberation in pinpointing a fifth important principle, I came up with Respect and compassion. This is an area in which I fall far short in, but has been very significant in the past few years. My involvement in the leadership of a Christian youth website www.gush.com.au and the resultant need to deal with others fairly, has challenged my bias for being exceptionally strong in voicing my own opinion and my low level tolerance on the other ‘stupid ideas’ that people can present. Dealing with conflict between others and being a third party led me to frequently consider Galatians 5:13-15 (see appendix).

A request (to God) for compassion in the beginning of the year resulted in multiple situations in the following weeks that demanded no less than complete attention in that area. Living out Colossians 3:12-14,

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. … over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

In a specific situation, (and generally), compassion has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Continual affirmation of a girl who is going through an exceptionally difficult life affecting circumstance, is a choice I have to make repeatedly as there is the opportunity to let slide that relationship and leave her work through things on her own.

Some might say that compassion is a feeling, for me it is coupled with choice. I do not find it easy, but in living out that choice I hope to make compassion every bit a feeling and a part of who I am.

Conclusion

Although there are many things that I would like to say are personal standards, these five stand out as those that greatly affect the way I live. In choosing principles and looking at the circumstances that have helped shape who I am, faithfulness, mastery, patience, compassion and purity are relevant to who I am now and rather than change the list as I change, I would like it to grow as I grow.

Christianity General Life YITS

Published April 29, 2005 by

The struggle with genuine

I’m tossing up whether I should ‘make this known’ so to speak.

Blogs are well, meant to have an audience.

I tread a fine line sometimes in sharing too much. Can you share too much? An overshare? Reveal too much of the ‘you’ to the wrong or to any person?

How much of my ‘God conversation’ (the stuff that ends up on paper) should be ‘public’ if at all?

and how true is this to me? I write sometimes and after rereading (journal) stuff it does not sound like me. Fluff and bubble – embarassing writing, repitition. Then it makes me wonder – how much do I know myself. Those words have to come from somewhere.

I would not want people to percieve me as someone not genuine. Because I use journal writing as time with God (interspersed with just thinking and stuff) – I don’t want to give an ‘over spiritual’ idea of me- even by mentioning that here… :I stuff up eaisly. I am impatient person, who gets angry, frustrated, annoyed, jealous and can be pretty mean. I love God with my all – but it is not a perfect relationship my end, ha, I would like it to be.

To be genuine, that’s the challenge, that’s why I haven’t shared something like this before. I am afraid. Two sides to it- that I’ll wear another mask ‘a mock genuine’, and the other side which I can never quite put my finger on. That longing I guess that we all have to be ‘fully known’ but too ashamed or whatever.

To you who reads this. When, if I get the guts to share. Keep me accountable, challenge my thoughts, my words.

I hope a little of me comes through, if it does not, what purpose has it served except to colour-in another beaming white mask eagerly waiting decoration.

Blogging General Life