Published May 24, 2009 by

Pain

Deep hearts hollow
and low
Cradling within an emptiness
a heaviness

a gravity,
a weight,
the bottom echo
hollow

Giant marbles on a wooden floor
banging together
not sensible
people holding hearts
a pendulous echo
God listening,
just listening.

Christina spoke this morning on Job 3 and about pain relating in particular to the apparent absence of God. And this is what I wrote. To be honest, not a lot of thought went into it, or feeling, it just kind of wrote itself. Mainly because I was feeling too blah – I’m coming down with something (always at the most inconvenient time of the year!)- to bother joining others for a discussion.

Christianity Church Words

Church God job pain Ranges

Published July 22, 2008 by

Pick the meat from the bones (or vice versa)

Somewhat disassociated with the previous post (kind of, kind of not) was that on Sunday evening we had a guy come speak to the youth/young adults at our church.

To be honest, I wasn’t really very impressed. Yes he said some good stuff, but I don’t understand and it disturbs me when what someone is saying in regards to Christianity starts sounding like a bit of motivational guru. And although I know the intentions are good when you’re talking about being more expectant of how God can use you, but it’s such a fraying rope between explaining God’s role in this and our role, and when our role seems to wear the boots it’s just plain wrong. Just how highly can you think of yourself? There were also some other small things that made me frown…

Yes humans are fallible and I as much as any, but when you’re ‘teaching’ there surely must be some kind of extra care when choosing words? God forbid I ever have to be in such an influential role – it’d scare the pants off me.

Church at the moment frustrates me. The one I am in is growing and although that’s very positive, it comes with challenges, both organisational and personal. It was interesting to condense one very big community into a smaller demographic, I think on the whole I deal better with a smaller community. Yet I’m still trying to evaluate where youth fit in with some of those ‘smaller communities’ that I’d probably jump at otherwise. I still really, really love my youth kids.

One of the topics of the evening was prophesy (we split off into smaller groups). Anyway God gave me a good old, needed kick up the bum with something and encouragement in another area (that is also thought matter). Thanks Ruth and Kerrie!

I had a good old chat with Susannah post-prophecy-stuff about what we thought, what was good, what we didn’t really get/agree with etc. The whole evening my brain did not stay still, sifting and sorting information into take it or leave it.

Someone once gave me this helpful metaphor of eating fish. None of this battered stuff that comes with chips, but the real deal -meat and bones. Sometimes it’s like eating fish. There’s meat there, but you have to pick out the bones leave them to one side. Take the good, ignore the crap. There must come a point though when there just becomes too many bones to bother with eating in the first place…

Christianity Church

Church evalutative God kick up the bum skeptic speaker youth

Published July 21, 2008 by

It pisses me off when…

…the speaker/preacher makes a hand motion for the guitarist (or other musical person) to continue playing softly in the background while they pray. If that’s NOT emotional manipulation or the more gentle explanation of mood managing, then why not keep playing through the announcements! Oh the realisation! You can pray without a backing track AND people can actually connect with God without a mood enhancing soundtrack.

Christianity Church

bec is grumpy Church Music preaching

Published May 24, 2008 by

Changes

I haven’t mentioned them previously due to either uncertainty or confidentiality but there have been some pretty significant changes going on.

In two weeks Geoff finishes up where he’s worked for the last three years for a new job – closer to what he originally wanted to do with IT. It’s been a slow and interesting haul working out what was happening and if he/we’d actually head down that route.

And last night Geoff and I let the youth kids know that we’d be finishing up at the end of this term. This too has been a long and interesting journey. Because to be utterly honest we don’t want to be finishing up.

I’m really not sure about the whole often held idea that God has a set plan laid out for our lives, but regardless I think this is what we need to be doing, and we’ve kind of been told. We have no idea what’s next. In some way it’s a part of establishing what it means to be a Christian and not to be a part of such an obvious ‘ministry’ (Gosh I’m starting to really hate that word). It’s a sucky thing to be leaving youth behind, it will be interesting to see what’s ahead, but for now, I’d rather be back hanging out with 14 year olds. What lies ahead for the youth at YVV is also in question, please be praying for that, there’s no smackingly clear direction or person.

Christianity Church Life Ministry

Christianity Church God plans youth

Published May 18, 2008 by

Church our saviour

The busy front must recognise the homework, the housework, the social inevitables, the tedious hunt for a new couch. The heart must recognise the crappy situations going on in Burma and China. The fingers must recognise a lack of touch to keys a small apology and the brain is simply flying around like a ninny making sense of frustrations I should have in someway long gotten over and in others, adhere to for sanity, reality and sensibility’s sake

I met a girl on the train the other day, she was terribly intentional about starting up a conversation. It was soon established that she came from (and I wont name it) a rather large and what I’d describe as hypey church in the city. Hypey from experience. We kept talking. I turns out she works there etc. etc. Her conversation (Once she’d established I was a Christian) was loaded with Christianese and she presented the appearance of quite a settled, ‘Everything is great when you have Jesus’ life, except that it was more, ‘Everything is great when you have church’. It disturbed me

One of the reasons I’ve delayed writing this post is that I have a good old fat tendancy to be rather rude and harsh and I’m not very good at being tactful. Look I’m trying assume the best that she had a particular extroverted personality that simply expressed itself in that way. But it did progress some thoughts.

Then last night I had the chance to hear Erwin McManus speak at CityLife – a huge church (He was great btw). I struggle incredibly in going to large, very polished churches, something feels really out of whack. I’m not dissing CityLife here, they had some ripper decent theology in their songs. But big and flashy always brings the thought home.

Christianity wasn’t ever meant to be a show, and I understand that it gels with some, perhaps even fits a particular culture but to me it presents a face that feels really fraudulent and it actually scares the pants off me.

Living authentically is difficult. Talking about Jesus is difficult. I wish for my life if anything, to be brutally honest.

What happens when that doesn’t happen in our communities? When they themselves become our world. Our work, our friendships, our lives.

I know that God will probably drag me nicely across the floor in terms of being far less judgmental when it comes to alternate expressions, and I know I have much to learn from the courage and the enthusiasm of others but it’s rather complicated at the moment, because the walls fly up and render me pretty well incapable of even participating when dumped in any situation of the like. I have a terribly jaded, critical beast in me that hates what I see (badly) and hurts for the people I know who have been repelled from this institution we call church.

I want for my life to be tied to His and not simply to a beurocracy, an idea or a specific community. So much good can easily go wrong. We do need community, but it cannot become God.

Christianity Church General On The Train

Church