The struggle with genuine

I’m tossing up whether I should ‘make this known’ so to speak.

Blogs are well, meant to have an audience.

I tread a fine line sometimes in sharing too much. Can you share too much? An overshare? Reveal too much of the ‘you’ to the wrong or to any person?

How much of my ‘God conversation’ (the stuff that ends up on paper) should be ‘public’ if at all?

and how true is this to me? I write sometimes and after rereading (journal) stuff it does not sound like me. Fluff and bubble – embarassing writing, repitition. Then it makes me wonder – how much do I know myself. Those words have to come from somewhere.

I would not want people to percieve me as someone not genuine. Because I use journal writing as time with God (interspersed with just thinking and stuff) – I don’t want to give an ‘over spiritual’ idea of me- even by mentioning that here… :I stuff up eaisly. I am impatient person, who gets angry, frustrated, annoyed, jealous and can be pretty mean. I love God with my all – but it is not a perfect relationship my end, ha, I would like it to be.

To be genuine, that’s the challenge, that’s why I haven’t shared something like this before. I am afraid. Two sides to it- that I’ll wear another mask ‘a mock genuine’, and the other side which I can never quite put my finger on. That longing I guess that we all have to be ‘fully known’ but too ashamed or whatever.

To you who reads this. When, if I get the guts to share. Keep me accountable, challenge my thoughts, my words.

I hope a little of me comes through, if it does not, what purpose has it served except to colour-in another beaming white mask eagerly waiting decoration.

2 Comments

  1. said:

    A fine line between being honest and sharing too much? I wonder whether such a line actually exists, or whether it is purely our natural desire of avoiding being too vulnerable to others; there’s a certain element in all of our personalities that wants us to keep aspects of our lives to ourselves, in order that our inner-most thoughts not be betrayed by those we trusted.

    Counter to that side of our human nature, there is a side that wants to feel the acceptance that comes from sharing some of our more closely-held thoughts with others, and nut being rejected because of it. For this reason I want to thank you again for trusting me like this. Reading through your entries on the train this morning really made me realise again just how good it can be to share parts of your walk with others. And I thank you for that.

    May 3, 2005
    Reply
  2. said:

    I personally believe this line exists, but it differs per person.

    For example, there are some problems in my life that i feel comfortable sharing about with one or two people. This is due mostly to them ‘passing’ my ridiculously high standards… i am yet to properly understand why my standards are too high. But as you said, burkie.
    “there’s a certain element in all of our personalities that wants us to keep aspects of our lives to ourselves, in order that our inner-most thoughts not be betrayed by those we trusted.”

    June 28, 2005
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