42nd Dimension (expanded a little)

…I confess my life would make and interesting movie. That is if you could live the life I live in my head, see things from my perspective. Actually it would be rather insightful to know what’s going on in there sometimes. To decode the music scales of my thoughts. Absolutely all over the place. I have a strange strange personality. I’m pleased to be me.

It’s remarkable God how our minds flick in rapid succession from one thought to another, the latter being entirely unrelated to the former and all that follow.

I was conciously thinking about thinking while still thinking and realised that I went from sussing out my flip swing attitude of today – wondering why I’m so alive tonght, to the life and death of a lady I barely knew, and attempting to remember what impact it had on my world. I realised that so many people who enter into your life leave marks or some kind. I remember her teaching me how to knit (bizzarest of things). To this day I’ve never finished anything but that’s not the point. She taught me.

I’m confused now God, why do I explain stuff like this when I could write Cathy Calder and you’d know each detail. How much is this for memories sake, how much for sharing, how much authentic communcation with you?
I love to write God.
And I don’t understand why this passion and love of words is revisting my head, it doesnt go away. Why I sometimes write… dare I say, well, and other times pound out the cliches and words like funny and stuff and random?
What plan do you have for that?

Also thinking about singleness and online youth ministry. I really, ha, would like a definitive guide on both… is it too much to ask for an article or conversation?

I felt lonely today. I have been a bit of late. I don’t like being passionless or goal-less. Show me things! Maybe I need my face slammed full of what I’m too occupied to see.

Beautiful God. You see me externally, internally and in every incomprehensible dimension. Thank you for that. For still loving me besides.

One Comment

  1. Anshuman Singh said:

    I understand you. I understand why you get all those “why..?” questions. I am just like you. Iam happy that there are more people like me. And i know you are like me because you are the one who could do anything to know the Truth. The truth i want to know. I am just like you spending my day thinking why is everything like this?, why is everything happening like this?, i want to know everything even though it would be of no use to me. I just for Once! want to know everything. The day i die, i hope i know everything thing till then(which i know is not going to happen, thats why i want to go where i can know everything after i die..). That feeling of jumping in the black hole to know what’s there has forever been with me and will be.
    I am Curious. I am curious to know what is going to happen to me? Who was the one controlling us? Are humans like an experiment conducted by someone? Who is it? If i had only One, just One! wish that would 100% come true, i would ask to know everything i can. Thats my one and only wish i have in this precious life of mine. I am, too, grateful of whom i am.

    I wrote this in flow and i didnt check the grammar so… Dont mind me:)

    October 10, 2020
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