Productive day today. I slept in until 11:40am. I guess I’d normally think half the day was wasted but it was worth the catch up on sleep due to the somewhat shocking time I stayed up, but that was worth it. Got various reading done.

Took Job (the dog) out for a walk. I went the longer way – I think I actually like it better. Spent some of it running – a rare occurence which I actually really enjoy. I haven’t run for a long time. Should do it more often.

I made progress on my ‘Critical Incidents Timeline’. I have yet to write about 5 or so particularly key events that have ‘shaped me’. I don’t think it will be too difficult. I was working quickly and well then memories and stuff bogged me down, it was quite hard to go back over some of it. I haven’t really allowed myself yet to revisit those incidents, not today. It will happen. It probably needs to. A specific time for remembering.
I have a good idea I’ve left lots out. Life is full.

Paid Centrelink a visit. Had a very long wait followed by another very long wait. Then had my annoyance utterly squashed by the most helpful person in that office. I should now have my Youth Allowance back without having to report every two weeks, and I get reimbursed. Wonderful! They should employ more Sharons.

Why has sponsoring a kid come up a few times lately?

I started reading: The Sacred Romance (A God book 🙂 so you know I’m not reading complete crap.) My head wasn’t coping too well and I don’t think that I really took too much in.
A question I have had well before I started it is that,

How appropriate is it to see God as a ‘lover’ or whatever? Even as a friend? How do you keep the honor and glory of God, the just ruler/king/Lord aspect inline/cohabitating with a deeper understanding. Should/can we feel love for God or do we just think it? Difficult to explain.

God help me to I guess grasp/understand a bit more. How does your love and even our love manifest itself? Yes God you, “loved the world that you gave your only son”. I don’t always really ‘get’ it. Oh I like presents and gifts, but thats not how I am best loved/give love.

….(lots of thinkings here)

You gave your son as a gift,
left the Holy Spirit as a ‘comforter’ – timeless, always with us.
Your word as written and spoken when we take the time to listen,
your touch in others and their encouragement
and you served us through Jesus, through our friends, our family

God you are love in all shapes and forms….

Redefine my understanding of love. I don’t have a clue.


To do things a little differently, I’m not where I usually sit. I shoved the computer out of the way. Am at the desk. I don’t know if there was anything facinating about today. The most interesting the train got was the squally toddler which was more frustrating than anything.

I spent the day tackling Mambo (open source) yet again, the hideous CMS which would be quite good if it was easy to set up. The upgrade took almost half a day due to FTP scrounging, permissions problems (why can’t they all auto 777?) and numerous database hissy fits. (and I hate that saying, why did I just write it?) Anyway, despite getting close to hurting something, it was an interesting challenge and I am about 50x closer to ‘getting’ stuff.
Code annoys me. I know just enough to bluff my way around, and get helpful friends to ‘save’ me when I get stuck. Snooky’s a great help too. The RO site is finally beyond an ‘under construction’ site, not very far, but yeah. Hooray for those who keep me sane by a random hello. I like my work but I am glad it’s only oen day this week. Early mornings are painful. That saying, I managed to last on two cups of tea before I had to hit the coffee about 4:00. Maybe I shouldn’t stay up so late.

Closer to the heart of God.
I don’t know where to start on this God, which is probably actually the point. To let you do the work. Help me to sit back Abba and watch and enjoy you.

I told Laura about Monica today. She didn’t know. We were shopping. Oddly reminiscent of when I told mum. I think she was pretty shocked. I’ve had almost what, 8 months to supposedly ‘deal’ with it. I was looking for a present for her. It was strange. In reality I hardly know this girl. I don’t know what I think about it all really. The guy is under constant supervision (prison I think) and will get 30years or more. Mon and N weren’t the only ones who had stuff happen. I can’t understand. I hope never to be able to. What’s life going to look like for them now? I sit here my 19 year old somewhat alone self and the responsibilities I imagine as huge – maybe I exaggerate… but I have enough trouble trying to deal with myself let alone another human being. I can feel both ready and very unready for (a) relationship/s – and she’s been chucked into motherhood at 18.

Our experiences shape us – others seem to have just as large a part.

Where am I now in comparison to where I was a year ago? The photos show outward change, not where it’s been drastic. How I react has changed. How I think has changed. How I see God has changed. How I see myself has changed.
This is good.
But this is also hard.
Worth every moment.

Psalm 26.

“And you can rest with me a while, you can talk to me, never mind how long it has been because you’ll figure it out, all it takes is time to find what you’re about.” J. Pacquette

how true is that?

In reality I find it very difficult to spend time talking to Monica. I know she needs the friendship, but I struggle every time. I hate talking to her sometimes. I dont’ know really why I was among or was the first to know. Why the ‘plight of a stranger’ even concerns me.