“you think a lot dont you?”
– Iain (YITS)


We all feel the riddle of the earth without anyone to point it out. The mystery of life is the plainest part of it… Every stone or flower is a hieroglyphic of which we have lost the key, with every step of our lives we entere into the middle of some story which we are certain to misunderstand.
-G.K Chesterton

Hypersensitivity. I will pick up on the smallest things. You walk into a room and a group of friends/acquiantances don’t bother to recognise your presence. I don’t care how selfish it seems. But a smile, eye contact, a hello even? Oh, they are not to blame. But how important it, simple recognition is. It set the tone for the day, or I let it.

I wonder sometimes if people understand how important is the use of names. I’ve thought about it before it came to mind today when Kym used: Rebecca, instead of the standard: Bec.

To risk getting overly metaphorical, it’s sometimes like I live the life of Bec, where I’d rather live the life of the more whole. Rebecca. (I can’t explain very well what’s going on in my head)

Names. Acknowledgement… If we all took a little more care.

I have more than most would even dare to ask for and yet I still crave, friendship, encouragemnt when my mind conjures up the hoax of lakc.
Are we never satisfied?

Feel sometimes as if I’m fighting for too many people.
Where’s someone to fight for me?


been in my head all day. suits the mood as does the rain.

The Lines Of My Earth
Sixpence None the Richer

The lines of my earth, so brittle, unfertile, and ready to die.
I need a drink, but the well has run dry.
And we in the habit of saying the same things all over again,
For the money we shall make.

This is the last song that I write
‘Til you tell me otherwise.
And it’s because I just don’t feel it.
This is the last song that I write
‘Til you tell me otherwise.
And it’s because I just don’t feel it anymore.

It should be our time. This fertile youth’s black soil is ready for rain.
The harvest is nigh, but the well has gone dry.
And they in the habit of saying the same things all over again,
about the money we shall make.

This is the last song that I write
‘Til you tell me otherwise.
And it’s because I just don’t feel it.
This is the last song that I write
‘Til you tell me otherwise.
And it’s because I just don’t feel it anymore.


Tuesday Morning.

Jess should have been here to pick Sam and I up at 9:30.
She’s lost her keys.

The aim of this morning: swimming, head back to Tabor for lunch and then lovely NT class.

Em took the leftovers from last night… not overly happy about that. Chicken & Broccoli is my favourite 🙁

I’ll probably join Katie and go to the SRC (to replace Dave who’s away today). We have to work out budget/restrictions for the Tabor end of year party. Event Management in Lifeskills. I can see myself taking too much on – looking at my response first meeting. Silly Bec.
The SRC is ‘chaired’ (maybe not the right word) by a guy called Rohan – I think this could possibly be the Rohan in Burkie’s band… I may ask, I probably wont.

Jess C said GGBiggs is at Tabor on Tuesdays. That will be kind of weird, I believe she intends to point him out.

Seems that Laura worked out that Chrisso (also gush person) is in the 2nd year of the same ACU course.

People links everwhere.

It’s quite embarassing in some ways, almost every person that comes to lecture Tabor I have some kind of connection with. Deb, Age… Steven etc…

___ is rather frustrating me. Thought I was used to her and could just laugh at her. Been grating on my nerves lately – lets use the embarassing word again, because that’s what it is. Ah, you think I’d ‘get it’ by now.

But I’m rambling and this isn’t very interesting. Hopefully Jess will show up soon.
Swimming in Melbourne in Winter.
Aren’t we intelligent beings.


Re: catching up with Jess. I did do that. I did have the ‘hard conversation’ which I will not be sharing.


The wanderings of a weekend mind. Somehow Monday always manages to draw me back to reality. I have a good life. I have amazing friends. I was today, and am a lot of the time extremely happy.

God does not feel so distant and my morning began with a…’goodmorning’. A though directed in His direction and a thought directed in mine. I don’t know how to explain it or if others even ‘get it’. But I love that.

Deb Hirsch and Age Rowse took over our seperated lot of classes for the day and it was all on Sexuality/Homosexuality. Genereally quite interesting.

There were more of those marriage/type conversations that have been coming up so regularly. Jo, Katie and I caught up for accountability.

It’s interesting how many relationship conversations have come up recently. How I don’t have a list of prerequisites. How I find it difficult to pinpoint ‘my type’ (of guy). I am actually pretty pleased about that.

On tonight, Humphrey and Lois B. came around for dinner. They are ‘grandparent’ aged friends of Mum and Dad’s (also counsellors). For family going through stuff with them about church split.
I did not feel the need to talk, nor want to in that seetting so I closetted myself in my room as usual, and did critical incidents stuff (2 written now). Walked past at one point and they were all around the table talking. Felt minorly guilty. I don’t really regret not discussing it. I simply can’t in a family setting.

Accountability. Talked to Katie/Jo how I was offered the advice to just pick a church and stick with it until God lets me know whether to move on. Katie thought it was a pretty good/sensible idea. So I guess here comes Careforce.

I do like it when I’m challenged. I just hope I have enough wisdom to listen and not stay through obligation if that’s what it comes to. I would like to visit Vineyard one of these days.
God your plans aren’t mine, show me what is good and right.

Psalm 63.

Ephesians 1:3-14