Blogger down yesterday night – hence nothing.

Just got home, I am the only one here. Not a clue where the rest are.
I should be walking Job. Actually I think I’ll do that now, will give me time to think….

-later:

6:18 now.

So much for thinking. If I did think, it just completely wiped from my brain.
I walked Job, left just as the others got in from their respective wherevers. Got home and wrote a card and some money to go thank Joan (across the road) and her kids for feeding and walking the dog.

The kids weren’t there – staying with their dad. Joan let me in, a standard, “Sorry the house is such a mess” comment (that a lot of women seem to use – or mums at least). I did the “Don’t worry about it” before I really looked around. To describe it, you could say, ‘a perfectionist’s nightmare’, but that’s too harsh. I like Joan. I wouldn’t pick her as a messy person. It was pretty bad.

I’ve always wondered why her curtains are always kepts shut. Now I sort of know why. She isn’t the worlds best off person – It’s not fair to say that was reflected, nor true. Just a different standard of living contrary to what I’m used to, we aren’t the best off. It is rude to speculate, unkind to judge. I guess I was just kind of shocked. I feel so – callous for reacting how I have, in feeling this way. I would go absolutely mad if I had to live like that.

What can you (I) do about it without intruding?
Should you even do anything about it? Is it right to?
Is it just about money or what?

blergh :S

Have to go eat now. More of what I was going to say later.

Another disrupted start to the day – exactly like yesterday with Dad coming in, turning on the light and me pretending and doing my best not to notice.

We didn’t get to church. Wendy is at the Theatre already having sound-checks, doing makeup/costume etc.
It is our great privaliage to see her in Oklahoma in about two hours time. Yippee!

I could get so hooked on ‘non-movie’/drama entertainment if not for being a bit short on $$$.

Instead, I had breakfast outside. Coffee when I felt like tea, simply because there is none. Going for a tea thing at the moment – very much so.

Online for a while. Had to get off in a hurry as dad wanted the email. Then Hannah bribed me for online time (me having the computer) – she now owes me a 30min massage. Great what you can make them do! Getting along superbly with her this morning – no idea why it is, we seem to suddenly ‘like eachother’ 😛

I started reading, The Broker (a John Grisham), it’s been a while since I’ve read a Grisham and he seems to reel them out fairly regularly. This one is fairly new. Good so far.

I wrote my ‘speech’ thingo for Wednesday when we have to do a 3min segment for Public Speaking in LifeSkills. I sat down at the computer and it practically wrote itself, I was rather pleased with the effort. All I have to do now is time it, and do it (the terrifying thing). Pity I can’t just write it and be done with it. Blerghness. I’ll live. Will have to phsych myself up sufficently first.

Anyway.
That’ll do for now.
What a boring ‘this is what I’m doing’
Ah well.

favourite RK song (of the moment)

Be My Escape

I’ve given up on giving up slowly, I’m blending in so
You won’t even know me apart from this whole world that shares my fate
This one last bullet you mention is my one last shot at redemption
because I know to live you must give your life away
And I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I’m giving up on doing this alone now
Cause I’ve failed and I’m ready to be shown how
He’s told me the way and I’m trying to get there
And this life sentence that I’m serving
I admit that I’m every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can’t shake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made
And all I’m asking is for You to do what You can with me
But I can’t ask You to give what You already gave

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I’ve gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I’ve gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging
You to be my escape.

I fought You for so long
I should have let You in
Oh how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin
But so were You

Some passing thoughts…

Had a discussion about the Bird Flu (potential Pandemic) in the car the other night – for some reason stuff like this disturbs me way more than terrorism etc…
I think I read too many books on the black death when I was younger :
I read today that The Little White Horse is/was J.K Rowling’s favourite childrens novel, that and it’s being made into a movie. Frankly I was astounded, as I have loved this to pieces and my copy is rather battered, I haven’t read it in a while. But it 🙂 caught my imagination and heart a long time ago. No one has EVER heard of it or ever made mention of it to me before. Not in passing, or in writing or anything. I’m not sure how I feel about the whole ‘blockbuster’ or even small screen thing. It does mean I have to read it again.

I was reading my way through ‘Mark’s Gospel’ today for a Special Ministry Topic (stupid name) thing (ie: from disciples perspective) BTW TOM: this is the homework for Special Ministry Topic: Read Mark’s Gospel twice (sepearte sittings) one from disciples perspective, one from roman centurion/guard person’s perspective.

Now I don’t know if you know the part about the fig tree being cursed. But it made me sit back when I saw this:

The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry. Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. Then he said to the tree, “May no one ever eat fruit from you again.” And his disciples heard him say it. – Mark 11:12-14

jumped out at me, that Jesus was hungry and the ‘stupid fig tree doesn’t have any on it, so I’ll curse it’?! Complaining agressively/annoyed?
Please explain!
It sounds to me like a disgruntled annoyance at no lunch being present.
Thoughts?

Beautifully lazy day today. Slept in, but got disturbed by Dad coming into this room (I’m sort of staying where the ‘study’ is) to fix something with Wendy’s computer, stayed in bed for ages anyway. Did aforementioned reading, finished reading To Kill a Mockingbird. All in the sun, on banana lounge thing with this stupid blackbird swooping me at irregular intervals. Lunch and whatnot. Watched Elizabeth (movie) with Laura as the others all went out. Which I enjoyed, not facinated by it perhaps, but Cate Blanchett is always rather good. Which while saying, I wouldn’t mind getting a hold of ‘Little Fish’ when it comes out on dvd. It has a lot of drug usage in it or something so rated err I dunno MA restricted or something, no idea how I’d react re: the drugs thing. Movies like that interest me – I like things a bit different.
Wouldn’t mind catching: A Cinderalla Man, seeing as it’s getting alright ratings, Renee Zellweger is usually good, and Russell Crowe well. (Cheap tuesday? Any Yits people interested?)
that and Wallace and Gromit for the sake of being an old fan.

Ummmm

not much more else really.

Wanting Yits back, holidays are getting really quite boring now.
I don’t want it to end though 🙁
How much good can a year hold?

oh strange strange that I stumble across this article.
think I’m being challenged on something?