Published November 11, 2005 by

Suit, tie and nice dress

Okay.

Interesting morning this morning, woke up lateish (if you can call 10am late). Had to finish youth ministry assignment (on Gush)the last 300 words or so on Incarnational Mission. I’m not too sure how the latter part of the assignment went, but I’m a little bit beyond caring. Not too bad a job, it was one I wanted to do well on as it should hopefully be useful. I will think about putting it up here, but maybe not. So blearly eyed finished that and ran around working out when I had to be up at Sams. The printer stuffed up and Dad was nice and got all the jammed paper out for me. Walked really quickly up to Sam’s and we (April also) caught the bus from there.

Sorry Sam, I was rather too tired to feel like being very social. The traffic was extreme. We did get to see the burnt nothing remains of the Kilsyth Club thing but the bottleneck near Bunnings due to roadwork was shocking.

We missed the bus to get to Tabor. Left April at Eastland and started walking really quickly (yet again) towards Oban Rd. I thought it’d take us about 40 minutes. While walking we messaged Rowan to see if he was at Tabor and if anyone could pick us up. Assignment deadline is 1pm Friday. We had 25 minutes to do a ~40min walk. We got about 20mins into it, quite a fair way and Michael drives past (according to Sam), I called him but he had to get elsewhere and was already late it. However just then, Ben came to our rescue (in Row’s office and heard about it). Much thanks Ben! (not that he reads this). Hurrah for God!

Got stuff in just on time. Went back to Eastland to try find bathers for me. Had some lunch, went and said hello to Dave who was unpacking strawberries and looked absolutely wrecked, attempted to say hello to Tilla but she was busy with a customer.

We bumped into Dave again when he was on his lunch break and so we all went hunting together. I had no luck mostly bar one whose price tag didn’t even let me consider it. Dave refused to come into Bras and Things which Sam and I had a bit of a laugh about (don’t blame you dave :P).

Wound up in Myers. Found some, the same I’ve thought about for a while. Paid a bit more than I might have normally but I need them for camp and just genearlly. They should I hope last for ages.

Waited out for the bus. We were talking to Dave about last night and about general yits stuff. About people really.

About the victories that I’ve seen. I was actually thinking about this late last night. Dawn came up to me so excited, “This is the first time I’ve been to soemthing like this (formal) and have not been comparing myself to the other girls”. Kerryn and her Rohan and her misgivings about ever having someone. Jess C and her finally speaking up in class on the very last class. Darryn and his confidence thats skyrocketed. (Surely not all in the suit :P)… and the other things I haven’t seen/heard. The change that even I’ve undergone since the start of this year.

It was funny when Dawn said that to me last night. I didn’t think much of it until getting home. I was really quite tired through the formal I’m not a party kind of person. How I was subconciously doing the comparing thing. I hate rebound compliments and they run riot at formals. I don’t like how formals change the dynamics of a people group, sometimes only ever so slightly. Everyone looked fantastic, but yeah.

So last night.

group

becjokatie

becdave

bec

rowanbec

I enjoyed myself a lot. The venue was great, food nice, music not bad and people quite perfect.

I sat next to Sarah (Tom’s) was good to finally meet her. She’s really nice Tom and I’m not just saying that. She’s a twin too, so we had a bit of common ground to go off.

The movie Ben, Kym and the others put together was funny and really well done. Had the whole awards giving thing – I got something about blogging. Heh whoever had input into awards must know I do or someones made a biggish deal about it.

Rowan came up later and asked how he might get the link. I was thinking about it. Jess C asked the other day (and I avoided a direct no. because that’s what it would be) So Hi Rowan anyway. Yeah selectivity, I don’t mind giving it to people I trust, there are also limitations I guess on people I’ve written stuff about and have issues just frustrations over. This does not mean I don’t respect them, Jess W for example despite being a really good friend heh well no.

Had a reasonable chat to Alecia and Mark (and Jane earlier). Didn’t really dance and I wasn’t dragged up there despite a few threats. Hurrah! I might have been coerable if I was in a better frame of mind.

So had some melancholic moments throughout the evening. Oh I’m going to hate leaving these people and what we’ve had this year so much.

I did enjoy myself Jo. I wasn’t lying when I said that.

This is such a long and rambly post about just what’s happened. What happened to theoreticals and decent writing? Oh well maybe when things are less busy or less changeable.

I can’t think of what else needs/should/might be said. And just been called for dinner, so I’ll leave things here.

General YITS

Published November 10, 2005 by

Dare you to move on

A cruel irony.

‘Dare You to Move’ is playing on the radio just as we’re pulling into home.
Last day of classes today.
They played this song at the start of year camp.
Nice of it to be a round ending.
yes, that was sarcasm.

So that is it. Year In the Son 2005.

We have a camp this coming Monday (to Thursday) and a formal tomorrow night. So not quite over.

I haven’t allowed myself to feel what I know I want to be feeling, or I’d be denying self. I guess I’m saving it?

Correction on that also.

We went to Nat’s place to hang out/swim as a finishing group focus. I swam for a bit. Chatted with Emma and few others. Later went to the lounge and just sat and listened to Matt and then Jessmyn play . I guess just thinking, gave my mind some room, talked to God.

Katie, I’m desperately sorry I didn’t get to hang out with you more this week.

Youth Min. Had to self-assess our journals. I was getting input from Sam and Jo (blog readers) as to what’s the theme/s been (since August). Sam pulled the word ‘understanding’ out of thin air. I used it. Understanding of myself, of God, of the world around/beyond me. This has been my year, not just my youth ministry journals. Sure it’s a very broad kind of theme but it’s true. It does however leave a lot of room for extrapolation.

Another part of this self assesment was to list two questions that have come up.

  • Is God enough?
  • “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

and dealing with these questions,
The first demands no less than to daily evaluate myself/motives/desires.
The second? well ha, living for the present shall help, that and taking the opportunities (and being aware) of what God is doing and how I can join him in doing whatever that is.

I decided that doing a self-feedback thing on journalling is really quite helpful, however difficult it is to pull out antianomalies after several months.

Ending. Shall I, shall I not think about it?

Forever is not an option. Change is inevitable. I will move on, I will change, I will probably leave many people behind. The difficulty lies in not leaving what I became this year, because if leave that behind I will leave a good proportion of myself. It is perhaps unfair to the rest of life to say that I found my footing a bit this year, but true.

I looked at the hopes and fears that Rowan had saved from the first Group Focus class. I have faced them, met them or they weren’t an issue. Cynicism came externally not internally. The others were all relationship orientated. I worked hard on this. I took risks. I let people closer. God drew a lot into place. I’m not all there. A long way to go. Confucious thought that, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” I had to take more than one to reach a point of beginning.

It amuses me some of the people God’s used to work in this area and why they needed to be exactly the way they are, however frustrating it can be at times.

Why must good things end?

General Life YITS

Published November 7, 2005 by

Trust and the Cinderella Syndrome

What a good day!

Nicely pertaining to last night.

I have for the past few days been continually stumbling over trust related things. A text I chose to do a New Testament Assignment (Bible Study) on. The Sermon and a book I read last night.

Sunday was awkward in the morning. I felt entirely unable to ‘connect’ with most of everything re: music, sermon etc… except for the satisfying observation about the trust thing. Massive dissatisfaction and all those other feelings I can’t quite find names for. I did hang around with Analise a fair bit. Talked to Daniel, who does YITS at Berwick, compared assignment loads a few ending up thoughts, he’s a good mate of Janice’s so I’ve met him a bit more than some of the others down there. Saw Trev, Curls and Steve (didn’t get to say hello to Steve) as they are now all back from England. Trev looks the same, Curls quite different, Steve as ever. So the people side of church thing was alright.

Sunday night. Shower, got thinking about how I’m feeling/thinking dissatisfied and all that at the moment. Really in many ways uncertain about what next year holds and how I’m going to cope after having this fanatastic learning stream 3 days a week, to practically nothing barr Sunday morning. Oh, that and relationship thoughts that come up once in a while.

Anyway I go frustratingly, ‘argh I need something to read God’ was really not in the mood for flicking open to Pslams or Daniel whatever (Honestly sometimes I need to build on others thoughts before I can come to the Bible, its the way my head works. This does not mean I limit myself to their understanding or reading the Bible for myself no way, but when my head is already choked with thought it’s a useful tactic if there is suitable material around).

I find, in Mum’s almighty stash of books to sell, one called, “The Cinderella Syndrome” by Lee Ezell. It looks really quite old. The photo of the author tells all. (1985). Anyway chosing to intentionally ignore the “Discovering God’s Plan When Your Dreams Don’t Come True” I decided to give it a shot.

I read thing from cover to cover. Yes the book was aimed at females, some at married females. Talked a lot about satisfaction, contentment and trust. I needed to hear a lot of what was being said.

Despite the page not being particularly relevant, the phrase, “After all is said and done, relationships are truly the only things that really matter”. Stuff like that makes me laugh and wonder at God’s humour.

Today. Woke up quite happy (something to do with an earlier night perhaps?). A busy last Tabor Monday. Went down to Eastland with Jane and Dave at lunchtime to pick up some stuff for the end of year party (event we are running) tomorrow. Had a meeting with all the group for that. Attempted to work out if everything was covered. I think we’ll be right. Quite a miraculous ‘everything comes together’ from all the trouble we’ve had around money.

Accountabilty. Ha, we finally prayed. About time! How pathetic 😛 Arranged tentitively to work out how we are going to keep operating after this week is up.

I don’t have a clue how some people’s minds work nor what I think of them.

It is 12:01am, goodbye last YITS Monday.

Church General YITS

Published November 6, 2005 by

Good afternoon

BBQ with the Mellows today, at our place. Was good to catch up with them. Talked a lot, laughed much, played some cards.


Kevin (14)


Leon (14)


Phillip (17)

General Life Solomon Islands

Published November 6, 2005 by

Blind Spot

Ha! Will you look at that!

Article from Boundless

In college I learned about “Johari’s Window.” The window, a square with four quadrants, is a self-awareness tool. The first quadrant represents open area — the things you know about yourself and others know about you. The second quadrant represents your blind spots — things others know about you that you don’t know about yourself. The third section represents the hidden area — things you know about yourself that you have not disclosed to others. And the fourth quadrant represents the unknown area — things neither you nor others know about you.

We talked about Johari’s Window re: relationships in Youth Min the other night. How bizzare. Also about the importance of feedback. I had a ‘feedback’ discussion with Monica the other night re: class. Was good, despite qualms it would shift the friendship to mentor/mentoree.

To all those who have pointed out blindspots of mine and communicated them kindly enough so that I’ll listen. Thank you. You are the friends I trust and value the most.

…and no, that isn’t a call to point out everything wrong with Rebecca.

General Personality Relationships