And so the supposed departure time of 12:00pm gets revised to 1pm and revised again to 2pm. It does seem more reasonable.

It has been raining. We are in tents tonight – it shall make for interesting setting up.

Laura’s blog mentions that the focus of Soul this year shall be Social Justice. Which almost makes me want to run full pelt in the other direction. Too much! No. It’s a good thing, I’ve just spent the whole of the second half of last year hearing about it and thinking about doing stuff about it. I’m sick of hearing about it, I’d rather be doing it and to tell you the truth I’m not entirely sure where to start. If I lived elsewhere… but that is just an excuse and a bad one at the same time.

The easiest thing I can think of is to sponsor a Compassion child. Right. Well that’s been the intention for over a year now and I still haven’t done anything about it. Besides that’s hardly giving how I give best, if I can even justify myself that way? Yes I’m a miser but when it comes down to it I don’t really care about money that much, I don’t spend much. I don’t mind at all if it goes somewhere useful but giving is not how I love. Time and words – the one on one is how I best love. Surely there is a void somewhere in the world for that?

Afterall the thing that every human being seems to face at once time or another, if not constantly is loneliness. It costs more to give time. Because if you give time you are giving of yourself and not something partially removed from you.

Thats how I see it. Undoubtably it is different for alternate individuals – but I can only live my own life and not yours.

I might avoid the social justice seminars. Depending on work I shall go to the following sessions if the timetable stays the same.

Thursday (if not working):

• Going Solo (which is one one one with God stuff) or Friendship
• Youth Leaders that last (probably something translateable into online youth stuff – I do make things complicated)

…woah Mark Sayers is going to be there, didn’t know that!

Friday (if not working):

• Women and Leadership in the Church (Jim Reiher’s great, he’s in the greens party has interesting views on politics and well ‘women in ministry’. It has been a privalage to pick his brains a few times last year) or Finding God’s Plan for my life (but the title’s putting me off because I think that there is a healthy dose of freewill that holds an interesting paradox with plans and how we think that we can limit God and ourselves if we have to conform to xyz).
• Anything She can Do (no idea what this is about) or Growing in Youth Leadership

And I have no idea about which worshops are running when but I intend to wander along to the writing/journalling type ones which I so hope are running while I’m there, maybe Art or just grab it as free time rather than be stuck doing ‘vocals’ or ‘drama’ (so help me!).

I miss the relationship panel which was thoroughly amusing last time. Always the most popular (I wonder why!) but that’s always on the Sunday afternoon.

I’m also not sure when Sons of Korah are playing… would be good to see them live again.

I guess I should go with the expectation that God intends to challenge me on something or stretch me in a certain area, as of this moment I’m not sure what exactly that would be. Ahh I love learning, I’m not being sarcastic in the slightest.

I spent part of yesterday and this morning thinking/getting stuff down for the national meetup. Paul told me to do all the mod’s roles stuff, so hopefully I’ve done things satisfactorly. He also mentioned something about going over the forum rules – not quite sure what he want’s there. Might have a chat with Jas about it if I end up catching him before Saturday.

So until next time. Think about – no. Do something about the whole social justice thing so you can let me know (and so save me sussing stuff out) what you’ve done. It is important however much easier it is to be apathetic about the world.

For two days in a row Sam has commented on me. “You look different Bec” and then something which I dug from the crevices of my mind later on about what she’d said, “You look really happy”.

I can only shrug. I don’t know why I look different or ‘more happy’. I have been fairly cheerful lately – I’ve had some decent days doing interesting things, God stuff’s better or getting there. Maybe some of knowing I have a full and social and hopefully enjoyable week or so coming up. I like having things to look forward to.

Tomorrow around lunchtime I head up to Soul Suvivor for the Wednesday night (at least) and then find out about work sometime that afternoon. It’s quite frustrating only knowing work a week in advance. Then back to Soul probably on Friday, down to Ascot Vale on Saturday for gush (or ‘The Forum’ rather) meetups. Somewhere – I think Rosanna for ‘social’ stuff that night. Back home with someone I don’t even know. Back to Essendon in the morning, then the cafe again…

So I do that until Tuesday, and then it all comes to a sad and grinding halt.

And I was going to write more but I’m too sleepy to think properly. Early night tonight maybe? Probably a smart thing considering I’ll be tenting it hopefully the next 3 nights.

…got to work out if there is anything I’ve forgotten to pack.

Due to an extensive email filter I get all my blog comment notifications in as spam. I often just ignore and delete them – sometimes I ‘release’ them by replying (serves me right, I should use the gmail account rather than the other one).

Anyway, I got a mass this morning thanks to Sam and I couldn’t be bothered waiting for them so I explored some of my older blog posts and was quite surprised to find comments by Edouard.

So. Hi. I don’t mind you reading this at all, I am however curious as to how you got here. How did you? I thought I had the listing hidden on my profile. My main concern is less of others finding this and more of certain siblings finding this. Thankfully Laura who would be most interested is not really that technologically inclined. I am curious though…

I have wondered on and off a bit lately if I should open this up a bit more, even maybe let Laura read this. I think it might be jumping the gun just slightly on the comfortable status. A big part of me would like to stay the sister next door a small part disagrees. One day. For the moment I’ll stay as a coward.

Laura now blogs here: Accoucheur

There are certain individuals that probably shouldn’t ever read this as I have been more than honest and it would take a bit of explaining. Mon for example. I appreciate her effort I really do, but it wears me out.

Well yes so that’s that. Who still lurks around here anyway? Seeing as Dave and Jane both confessed to me that they gave up as I was just writing too much.

This morning I had a driving lesson. Be all overjoyed and happy for me, I should have my P’s by the end of Feb :)….:D

She (Emma) was really nice, I was comfortable driving her car, didn’t make any real stuff ups. But female and young… you expect them to be old and male!

By 1:30 I was in the car with Jane, Dave and Sam. Jane decided to kindly pay us a visit all the way from Geelong (sure she might have had other reasons she was up this way…) We went for lunch at Sophias, surprise surprise. Then took a massive amount of gelati back to Dave’s house and sat around the table eating it and talking.

It was good. We watched some circus something (I didn’t get the name – something to do with circus Olay) which was rather amazing. Talked more.

Jane – if you still read this. I like your directness.

Sam, Jane and I came back to my place for a looksee. Then they left. I had bbq dinner thing and got all annoyed at the parentals for something or other, walked the dog in the half rain with Emily.

Watched 3 episodes of Alias with Laura.

The long and the short of it. It was a good day, a fun day, enjoyable.

A rundown of the past day or so.

Yesterday evening Mum decided she wanted to go to the aquarium – somehow we all ended up going. Laura’s said she felt really young again doing the whole family outing thing. I agreed. I directly reminded Mum that, “We are no longer six, so don’t speak to us like we are.” Sometimes I despair of her, have to remind myself that she is the way she is and I can’t really change that.

How harsh does that sound :S

It was quite good regardless. The jellyfish were utterly astounding, the sharks being a tad less impressive than the Sydney aquarium but still sharkish and mysterious and the coral reef bits made me sufficently homesick for snorkelling and the Solomons and the marine tank we used to own.

So I sat in this great big long bean bag thing and watched the massive fish and sharks and stingrays and thought about how it would be a good place to come (all day) to just think. Hmm. a future possibility perhaps? That, or come all day with someone and sit there and talk about everything and anything – simply as it is an unusual and interesting location and why wouldn’t you bring someone you wanted to talk to, to a place like that?

I tried to forget the matter of the legionares disease scares.

See some jelly fish and go to flickr to see more.

We ended up going to the sale at the Exhibition centre later on and that was a major waste of time. Rather overwhelming too at the volume of books and stuff they had there, entirely trippy when you are walking along rows and rows of books and cds trying to see if there is anything worth buying.

It was kind of nice doing the whole family outing thing. Mum did mention that ‘we are’ going on a holiday (3 days) at the end of January up to Bright or somewhere near there. I made up mind that I am not going to go. I told myself that last time was the last time (at least for a while). I don’t want to have to shuffle work and I would welcome the space and time. I told them this – they can’t really do much about it, and know it. It’s not that I don’t like spending time with them – yes I do find it difficult but three days would probably be quite okay. Sometimes you have to draw a few lines particularly if it’s going to (I hope) vaguely flick a few switches on in certain parent’s minds. Saying that, Mum’s not stupid, she knows very well – I guess it’s just another sad little attempt of Bec’s to invent independance.

Church this morning. Was okay, the sermon wasn’t very sermonish in the typical sense, talked more about church values again, but stuff that they are adressing which I was pleased to see. I decided that I’m going to give Vineyard a shot until/if God gives me a whopping big shove to move on. Analise wont be around much longer as she’s moving up to somewhere for uni, but I’m slowly starting to get to know a few of the others.

We went to someones house for lunch, none of their ‘older’ kids could make it, two of them away and their oldest (whom I know by sight – 20’s something age) lives elsewhere. Really nice people, she’s teaching maths at MECS (they finally score a decent methods teacher!).

They had a pool. Which was excellent considering the weather was warm enough. Swum. It’s so nice to swim again. Laughed a fair bit with Em and Laura. It’s weird you know I’ve spent more time with Laura recently (thanks to watching various episodes of Alias *cough*) – not sure exactly why but we are beginning to have slightly more than just passing by conversations, its a good thing. I’m just not sure where it’s headed.

My family is weird. I think everyone timewarped a bit being ‘out’ at someone’s place for lunch. Australians dont’ seem to do that much – share meals. But a heap of old stories resurfaced. I think they either thought we were a lot more outgoing than we actually are, or just plain strange.

And tomorrow I shall attempt to find a, “What’s distincitive about missionary kids” list as Mum, Hannah and I talked about it in the car on the way home. Quite interesting.

Oh, I have a driving lesson tomorrow – a real one. If you are going to ‘invent independance’ you’d best do something about it.

Sleep dreams.