Month: <span>February 2006</span>

To steal a few minutes before I have to head to work…

OSCAR (Deakin’s online service thing) for ‘picking’ your timetable is massively frustrating. I got on yesterday morning nice and early – having the privalage of having a last name in the first choice block. It looks simple. It is meant to be simple but it is not working. I go through a few theories. After half an hour I decide to just get over my “I can’t fix it” and call them to see what’s going on. They kept me on hold for ages, then I told them the problem and she’s like, “Oh yeah, it’s all down, if you just submit what you are after then it’ll be fixed eventually.”

So I did that. About the 5th time I’d tried. If all goes as planned (which I’m assured wont: thanks Burkie) I shall have Thursday and Friday free, but a very full Tuesday. Suits me. Regardless – I have Thursdays free as you can’t be allocated classes that don’t happen.

There’s one block I simply have to get or it all just doesn’t work – not sure what happens if I don’t (round an elective, so hmmm).

Jess picked Sam and I up around 10am. And we went and saw Brokeback Mountain.

I cannot work out if I have an opinion on the movie or not yet. Which sounds a bit strange. Yes it is awkward watching that kind of unnatural (for I think it is) relationship play out. It is of course an excellent movie to discuss and we spent a fair bit of time over it afterwards doing just that. It is brilliant in the way that it conveys how one ‘simple’ thing ruins someones life and the lives of those around him. The acting is superb, particularly (my bias) Michelle Williams – who plays Heath Ledger’s wife. The shots/the scencery was beautiful.

Truth be said, I actually found it a very difficult movie to watch.

General

I requested a blog topic off of John before he disappears offline for a week or so: Schooling.

So here it goes and it’ll probably be fairly complicated.

I had my first day of school at Kangaroo Ground Primary school, I was four I think. I have photos somewhere (might have to dig them up). I had the whole two plats with ribbons thing happening. Blue checked uniform and a good old (possibly legionares *cringe*) hat.

Memories that stick out from that year: the frog pond and collecting s… (argh, can’t remember the word – eggs and tadpoles) . Shops with plastic money and selling empty food containers. I started reading.

We did the Wizard of Oz as a school musical. I was a munchkin and an emerald city person. I had no idea what was going on but it was all very exciting. The Grade six girls were SO grown up and the girl who played the good witch had this amazing dress.

End of prep, start of grade 1 was in Papua New Guniea. With the Matzke’s (who later came to the Solomons) at the POC school. I was bug and insect mad. I kept a giant moth in soft drink bottle. Had great interest in disecting a snake, which had eggs in it. I had a fight with Martha Matzke about sniffy (which was the blanket thing I carried with me everywhere). I apparently used the, “Well, my mum’s a doctor and she says I can have it at school so there!”. Not every 5 year old takes on a teacher 😛

I can also quite distinctly recall a trip to Village school. Crossing a log bridge – being afraid too. And another school trip passing along this gully thing that was green, so green. It’s weird I can sort of still visualise it.

Grade One would have mostly been spent at the school in Ukarumpa. My bug facination continued and as a class we watched a coocoon transform into a butterfly. That seriously is the extent of my memory for that point in time… end of Grade One there must have been a bit of homeschooling when we moved to the Solomons.

Oh, some schooling with Miss Claire. We made a papermache humpty dumpty.

Grade Two. I think I was back at KG. Trips to the Library to borrow lots of novels. Babysitter Club books until Mum read some and banned me. Elise MacNamara, Linda Batcock. Some girl who claimed her mum was a witch. Shae. A party that had a clown. Monkey bars. Horse games – pretending to be them, I think it went on for months and was a school wide thing.

Going to someones house on the wrong day (on the bus) to see her horse and freaking Mum out because I just disappeared. I did tell Laura, she forgot. It turned out to be a horrible afternoon – the friend got zapped by an electric fence. I didn’t get to ride the horse. She spent the afternoon crying.

We did Oliver Twist as a school musical. I was an orphan, but I had some extra part I think. I really liked drama back then. :
A short stint at Corinda school in Brisbane while Mum was sick… (sorry I get all mixed up). I lost lost my first tooth. I spent an entire afternoon with some friend (a guy, my only friend the whole time I was there) trying to find it. I remember stringent rules on wearing hats and pretty much hating it the entire time. I knew everything, I didn’t know anyone, the school was huge.

Grade Three onwards must have been homeschooling in the Solomons. So school with Mum and my sisters. Distance Education at first, until Mum disagreed with some of their content. So she started using bits and pieces of various ciriculum. A lot of Sonlight stuff. We had normal days and then Fridays devoted alternatively (I think) to History or Science (all of us together). Really comprehensive. Dad would sometimes do experiments with us we had chemistry sets, made switchboards with lightglobes, a machine/gears set thing that we made robots from. History involved everything from making models of medieval towns, to historical fiction, to writing stories about the time.

Mum made us keep journals (some of which I still have and will dig some stuff out of one day as it’s quite amusing). We had dictation/grammar books which I detested but managed to learn various famous quotes from. (No, I can’t remember them off the top of my head right now).

There were the read aloud books during our breaks. Seriously lived for them. Mum would pick a novel (we’d all choose from a selection she picked) and then we’d get a chapter or two every lunchtime… always begged for more. This is where my love of reading really took off. We’d sit down on the cushions eating beef/chicken/navy crackers and get lost in whatever world. Books were chosen to be applicable to what we were studying together. Ie. Medieval Times, Roman/Greek History, Biblical History… Sea Themes, Deserts (I think L and I might have missed that one)…

Main house for this point in time… well houses: St Nic, Daams, our house in Auki and some of it in the ERC (Educational Resource Centre)

By Grade Six we were still doing more of the same (I think it all evolved from Grade 3 upwards, it got really quite facinating), why do you think I love learning so much? There was the addition of Saxon Maths, which is an American style way of teaching that far suprasses any maths ciriculum used in Australia. Repitition of concepts and problems, and introduction of new things at the same time. Not a topic by topic that they use over here. I didn’t like it much at the time, but really missed it once we got back.

Year 7-8 we were doing this in the Daams house (which we now owned).

Year 8 was repeated as we came back to Australia for a short Furlough (break) that got extended due to a coup in the Solomons. That was at Northside Christian College. Where I met my good friend Peta Marsh (we still half catch up). A very big transition year. A very complicated year in terms of individuals. Eva, who threw a chair and had a screaming match with our Egyptian maths teacher. Italian after having learnt French (via a computer program) for a year. Hayley who caused all number of problems with Laura as a tag along, blatant lier, attention getter, I managed to be frankly rude enough to keep out of her clutches.

I heard a brilliant sermon by one of the girls in my year. Got too many principals awards (don’t worry, they gave them out liberally). I was majorly annoyed all year by a guy called Sheldon who just irritated me from day one, can’t say I really tried with him. Met Nicole (yr.7’er). Had all the social/aussie cultural things to get used to. IT class was easy, I liked it I was always done way before other people.

I had a FANTASTIC English teacher, Mrs. Fishwick who encouraged my writing. She was also my media teacher. I first learnt Photoshop, played a big part in editing the school year book, we had evenings late at school where we got Pizza and she was kind enough to drive me home – had some interesting chats around all kinds of things. HA, the one I remember most clearly is one we had about me hating wearing skirts and being girly (she said that would change – she was right).

I got into Hockey and soccer a bit – just during school hours. Had an extremely good time in art. Hated drama but liked organising some drama assignment thing we had to do.

Wandered round with a video camera and interviewed teachers for part of a media thing that I never saw the outcome of. Had one of the Paul Colman Trio guys as my substitute teacher….

Year Nine was back in the Solomons. Mum could no longer cope with the maths/science for our level – the teaching split (for ages) was getting too big. So Laura and I went back to Distance Education (DECV). It was great fun, had a mass of electives and it was pretty much all done on the computer. I got to do photography, outdoor ed, etc… I won $200 in designing some website thing. Communicated with teachers via email. I dont’ think I learnt much the entire year – particularly where maths and english were concerned but it was very enjoyable. School half the day (forgot to mention that before) and had the afternoons off – too hot.

Year Ten we moved back to Australia. A very difficult transition in some respects but an excellent school. MECS, far better than Northside. I knew Jasmine (through my cousin) so weren’t entirely lost. Soon made friends with Rachel and Holly although that progressed and I branched out a bit and found Nat, Jacqui, Ana, Jess D, Jess V etc… Many World Views classes and a passionate hatred of the Library (or was that the Librarian?)

I picked up a VET subject – Interactive Multimedia. Lilydale High for that, which was fairly terrifying – public school from a coddled homeschooled/private school girl. The class was predominantly male. Mr. Jaffe was a pretty good teacher. I had an interesting friendship with Kelly (one of the three of us girls) she shunned me one week when she found I was a Christian. I ended up really liking my Wednesdays as it was a major bludge in playing on computers all afternoon.

Oldie, managed to get me re-enthused about maths (I hated it in yr.9) and I didn’t do too badly. To be honest, Im good at maths, I just really find it tedious as I like to shortcut and you DON’T DO THAT. I nearly failed my physics exam – due to… yeh okay I wont list my excuses. I got an E+.

Year Eleven. More of the same. I chose Physics simply to prove to myself I could, and averaged a B all year, which made me pretty happy. Back to Lilydale for VET. The other girl left. Kelly and I became fairly good friends. Had to semi avoid compliments from an intersted male (that class, can’t remember his name). Spent every single lunctime at MECS playing cards with the girls. Sam started hanging out with us a bit more. Difficult year in terms of work – I put a lot into it, when I probably didn’t need to. Maths became boring again.

Had first yr.12 exam (for VET course) – ended up being my top score. It was all computer based and I guessed far too much of it to deserve doing so well.

Year Twelve. Brilliant year. Heaps of fun. I topped English – it kept me sane. Dropped Physics and chose Biology, which was facinating. Chemistry challenging, interesting, difficult, wonderful – and I got brave enough to start pushing Roger around (Chem teacher who everyone is pretty much scared of as he’s so direct in his questions) a class of 4. Methods I dreaded, but Mr. Brown was pretty cool. We had parties in class as much as we could. Spent the entire year exploring the gospel of John with Mr. Youl – going on city excursions with all kinds of hilarity and closeness for our class of 4. Muck up day we were Construction Workers got wet, slimy etc… Extremely good year.

And that. Is a condensed version of my schooling history. Homeschooling included many moves, group times during conferences with the other SITAG kids, times where we had itinerant teachers like Miss Claire and Miss Kristy. Looking back, it’s rather cool – all the things I’ve done, and had fostered in me.

General

A thank you to Jess (Rae) for your blog.

I often forget the intricacies and simplicities of the beauty of life.

My head gets so massively consumed by thoughts that emotions become a bit like tadpoles fried hard on rocks.

Your words often help me remember that there is more out there. God trancends the thing in me that strives and strives, the thing in me that will not stop pushing forward for more. He goes beyond my problems and the slight emphasis I try to make of creating a less mundane, daily life.

I love to think but too often I forget to feel. I forget to enjoy.

General

Church was full, really full this morning. 400+ people there.

I have been having severe doubts over whether I should be there. Yes the same old story again. The idea recently has been, get my P’s and try out LBaps during the evening. I guess the problem of the whole matter is that I don’t feel very welcome/involved at YVV. It’s a great church, dont’ get me wrong. I like how they do things, it’s laid back, it’s not hypey, it’s got a good feel.

There is zero things (pretty much) for young adults, and those there seem to be in fairly close knit groups. So I was feeling rather negative about the whole thing and have basically given it these last few weeks to somehow improve. Unrealistic somewhat foolish I guess, but yeah.

Anyhow, Wednesday night is some intro night, where they’ll have more stuff on all the things going on around the church. Apparently there is going to be something tried to be started up for young adults. I shall endeavor to go to that and give it a chance.

After church, after a brief chat with Chris (did Yr12 with him) Laura and I were just sort of hanging around (oh I really do love being a twin sometimes, you’ve got that other person) and Daniel comes up. Major kudos (or whatever they call that crap) for him. Dan did YITS at Berwick. The same guy who tried his best to say hello to me up at Soul when I was asleep in the tent and heard someone calling my name and I couldn’t work out who it was. He knows where I sit with the whole, “I don’t know what to do about church” thing as he’s had similar issues.

It’s incredibally nice, to have someone come up and just start talking to you when you’re sort of new but not new enough for people to do the, “Hi, you’re new” thing – which never really happened in the first place. So he’s talking to me and Laura for a while, and then a guy called Josh (who turns out to be Naomi Greaves ‘yr12 girl’ younger brother) and Matt (Dans younger brother) and Isobelle (yr.12 who was chatting w/ Laura). So talking about uni and driving and all such things. Then I nearly died of shock when Evie (a girl whom Ana introduced me to a few weeks back – she’d be bit older than me) comes up and says hello. So inside, I’m doing the whole ‘argh, this just makes descisions harder’. Did a thank you yell at Steve (Hazza) on his way out.

So Wednesday night, will be a bit of a telling time I think and hope. I would genuinely like to stay at Vineyard. I’d like it if transitions were smoother. God’s doing something (or trying hehe) to keep me there by the look of it. Or… actually I don’t really have a clue.

Prayer for this church mess would be great. A big bit of me is really missing what I somehow had at Wattle Park, just knowing people I suppose. Church is so much about community and relationships in leu of God and his love for us collectively. It would nice not to feel an outsider. So much is up in the air.

General

I don’t often write much about Gush but I thought I might after this mornings rare burst of inspiration.

I don’t know how encouragement affects individuals but with me it’s first (as you’d expect) that nice, wow someone’s noticed me/something I did, warm feeling – or, the I really needed to hear that… the secondary response to encouragement is the drive to continue on in doing what reaped the encouragement. Not necessarily for the encouragement or more of the same from others, just the fact that yes, this is a good thing, someone out there thinks you I’m not doing too bad a job. The whole task or job or ‘ministry’ if you’re absolutely dying to use that word seems easier, better, more fulfilling and more worthy.

I got on Gush this morning and I had a PM from a gush girl, just basically letting me know she appreciated me/what I’ve been doing. I genuinely like encouragement (as I’m a bit of a words person), but when it’s from someone I’d less expect it from it heightens the impact and you get the even more pleased thing going on.

Following this, I found my way to the Bible Study thread that Steve put up in deeper. I’ve been talking to him a bit about this over msn and he’s been really excited about possibly leading something that can continue on when we move forums. His ‘passion’ if I can call it that, has been rubbing off on me. So in order to back him, aside from PM/msn verbal ‘yeah that’s good!’, I thought I might respond to his thread. The best bit about it was that I got fairly involved and it led me off on a bit of hunt around verses to do with wisdom.

I get extremely sidetracked when I read the Bible, and often find it better to read Christian books and the like (which is a sucky alternative) as I like grabbing at other people’s thoughts. I do however like to come to my own conclusions and when I can dig around and sucessfully pull up new questions or random ideas it gets me enthused and drives me further into exploring. By sitting down to do something half decent in order to make sure that Haz’s hard work wasn’t wasted, I got a fair bit out of it.

And so, it’s one of the funny odd occasions where I was rather I guess excited about the whole thing. One of the times where I post stuff and actually feel as if I might be doing others a bit of a favor instead of just being another blur in the crowd.

Something that has hung around (hangs around rather) in the back of my mind a lot. Oh I really am talking A LOT, is to do with pride with false humility, with how much credit goes where and to whom and how does it all fit with living as we should before God.

It really pisses me off a bit when I have said to people in the past, “Yeah I do struggle with this pride thing” and they throw back the, “No you’re really humble/nah you’re fine/whatever you say” thing. They are first not listening, I am telling them what it’s like. I’m not looking for affirmation in that because any recieved is shallow and shortlived. Affirmation shouldn’t have to begged for. I grapple a fair bit in thinking about the pride thing (even mentioning it here I have all these no don’t’s running round my head).

The idea of false humility leaves me slightly mortified. Undoubtably I’ve been a culprit to it playing out in my life before, infact I know I have. I find it fairly despicable and really don’t want it as part of who I am.

Part of me thinks and tries to know or justify it all, “Yeah, Bec you freak out about it often enough, isn’t acknowledging it as a problem and being extremely aware of it a good step along the way to humility…” but then because I am thinking that – three steps back from the issue, it sets the whole doubt of where am I in all this question.

It’s a hard doing the leadership thing, because I suppose that is really where I am with a lot of this gush stuff.

Jeremiah 9:23-24 has this bit about boasting,

“This is what the LORD says:
“Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom
or the strong man boast of his strength
or the rich man boast of his riches,

but let him who boasts boast about this:
that he understands and knows me,
that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness,
justice and righteousness on earth,
for in these I delight,”
declares the LORD.”

and Romans 11:17-21 context

If some of the branches have been broken off, and you, though a wild olive shoot, have been grafted in among the others and now share in the nourishing sap from the olive root, do not boast over those branches. If you do, consider this: You do not support the root, but the root supports you. You will say then, “Branches were broken off so that I could be grafted in.” Granted. But they were broken off because of unbelief, and you stand by faith. Do not be arrogant, but be afraid. For if God did not spare the natural branches, he will not spare you either.

and a passage I think is quite astoundingly beautiful 1 Corinthians 1:18-31:

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written:
“I will destroy the wisdom of the wise;
the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.”[c]

Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength.

Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: “Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.”[d]

I find it difficult to work out how wisdom, humility, pride and giving glory to God all fit together. I know what I can strive for. I know wisdom is a good thing. I know God is definitely good. But how how how can you point what’s being done towards him without it looking false, without it being fraudulent, without your motive being twisted and warped?

I am still being saved, on a daily basis. Yes God did his immediate transforming work in me some time a heck of a long while ago now – I can’t even remember a point, but it continues. I know what I’ve changed from.

I find it so hard to word what I grapple with in this. It’s frustrating that it plays out so constantly in the back of my mind. Whenever I’m doing/saying anything that could be percieved as putting an idea (possibly something quite good) forward, I’m still usually half thinking about this.

In all your ways, acknowledge Him? (Prov 3:6) yeah and do that in a way that doesn’t show you up to be a goody two shoes Christian?

I mean. Where do you go from there?

General