Author: <span>Rebecca Matheson</span>

No journal tonight. Did not feel like it. Not inspired. Beanbag was covered in clothes and a few books – that’s where I sit to write. Wasn’t going to happen.

So I’ll be as changeble as the wind (and use cliches where I like thanks).

Beautiful morning. It felt like spring. Slept in til 10:30 as we only have afternoon classes on tuesday. Slammed the door when Jess tried to open it. Valid reason… cant wear pj’s all day. I did think it was some sister attempting to wake me up. She did the, ‘oh, you act like you’ve just woken up thing’. Well yes. Was in a really amazingly good mood. Don’t know why it’s been like this the past few days but it’s great. Stuffed around for a long while. Had coffee and toast. Made Jess go into Laura’s room to read my ‘Ethics’ book (she hasn’t got one yet) so I could put Sons of Korah up loud. Who doesn’t choose music according to their mood? Relient K and the like is a little hard to take early morning.

Took Job for a walk up to Sam’s place to get her to come down… she’s got the eaiser walk, lucky thing.
Drove to Tabor. Heated up soup, then went outside to have lunch with some of the others. Class: New Testament. I confess I find it fairly boring. They do one class on ‘culturally relevant stuff’ and then one on the more ‘biblical/historical’… they should work in reverse and do the ‘relevant’ stuff last. Makes more sense to me that way. I never really get what they are going on about until about 20mins before the last class ends.

Went to Jess’s place with Alecia. We had a funny time getting out of the Shell (that would be the petrol station). And this crazy woman make frantic gestures at us, thought she was really angry at first, but gave us a grin and we eventually found our way out, had good talk with her. Dinner – all kinds of roast veggies with Jess W, Jess H, Alecia. Watched The Incredibles. I like that movie a lot!

about 7:30-8:00 other YITS people started arriving: Clare, Jo, Tracey, Iain, Amy B, Michael, and those us already there, we watched Napolean Dynamite due to Ben’s raving about it… It was pointless, quite funny, but nothing to go mad about. Good to spend time w/ the others though.

Home. Stuff. Now. Blog.

and how does changeble relate to any of this?

Brilliant morning, boring day with a few people related highlights, fantastic evening, not always entirely positive thought filled night.

No more different than any other day, with its’ pronounced highs and lows.

Thoughts?
That would be lonely frustrations, annoyance at existing friendships that could always be deeper, annoyance at aquaintances that could be friendships, and at myself for not always putting in the best effort. I spread myself thinly sometimes, and it’s almost not worth it.
Sometimes want others to take as much interest as I genuinely take in them, then I tie myself in the knot of condemning myself for such a selfish attitude/wrong motives which could if I let them, dilapitate any interest at all, which would also not be good. Catch 22.

What can you do?

that is a rehetorical question by the way.

oh and a long standing question of mine… what does (sic) mean when seemingly randomly inserted into articles etc, I could guess through context, or even Google it, but maybe you can tell me?

Main type	Variant

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

type score type behavior motivation
1 20 I must be perfect and good to be happy.
5 20 I must be knowledgable and independent to be happy.
8 19 I must be strong and in control to be happy.
9 18 I must be peaceful and easy to get along with to be happy.
6 16 I must be secure and safe to be happy.

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Global 5

(RCOEI) Reserved, Calm, Organised, Ecocentric, Inquisitive

withdrawn, not wild and crazy, private, loner, not relationship obsessed, not swayed by emotions, insensitive to the needs of others, unhelpful, interested in intellectual pursuits, avoidant, does not put the needs of others ahead of self, thinks before acting, very scientific, not upset by the misfortune of strangers, avoids small talk, values solitude, private, does not get worked up about most things, fearless, unaffected by the suffering of others, calm in crisis, not easily excited, won’t do much to avoid rejection, not known for generosity, not easily confused, cold, not prone to complimenting others, dislikes most people but tries to get along to minimize hostility, hard to get to know, more dominant than submissive, not easily hurt, driven by reason, influenced more by self than others, rarely worried, hard to impress, not that interested in relationships, hard to influence, not concerned about failing when trying something new, self confident, knows why they do things, not easily moved to tears, not prone to jealousy, not guided by moods

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Global Personality Test Results

Stability 63%
Orderliness 66%
Extraversion 43%

Stability results were moderately high which suggests you are relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.
Orderliness results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun. Extraversion results were moderately low which suggests you are reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.

trait snapshot:
clean, organized, regular, self reliant, tough, positive, high self control, very good at saving money, dislikes chaos, resolute, realist, trusting, hard working, dislikes unpredictability, prefers a technical specialized career, not worrying, respects authority, enjoys leadership, finisher, normal, optimistic, controlling, prudent, modest, adventurous, does not like to be alone, intellectual, likes the unknown, very practical, high self esteem, assertive, perfectionist, busy, altruistic

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You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant. Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle. You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs. For you, comfort and calm are very important. You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection. You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong.

The date should say 32/7/05 as thats what I mindlessly wrote in the journal, it is the first however.

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As per usual, well on occasion I construct for myself some way of remembering, a symbol I supose for hmm what would you call them? promises (of God).
I have had one long standing one relating to birds, which would be nearly in it’s fourth year. Quite incredible the way God has used that.

Last night I thought of ways to remind myself of God’s love after finishing the Angela Thomas book and the sermon on Sunday night (Deut 6).

So the great plan was to everytime I walked through a door into a room, remember.

I sucessfully did that 0 times. The amusing side benefit being during class, where I remembered because I had forgotten and then later when I felt God telling me anyway, and that although symbols are useful I shouldn’t limit myself to juse remembering then.

So, God loves me whether I have to walk through doors to remember it or not.
I’m a strange one.