all said and done Posts

Such a different day. Yesterday dubbed: terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, and I have chosen not to describe as I was being neither uplifting to others – God found a way through peoples words and through Psalm 73, even though it did mean hitting the repeat button on CD player reading it about 5 times (don’t ask me why that Psalm), doing something I wouldn’t normally do or didn’t have to do. Humbling kind of day, annoyed with myself and multiple others. I felt 14 again. God forgives and he showed me that others do as well, more willingly than you can try to hope for.

…Psalm 73, it was good to hear those words again first thing this morning. Worth the effort of getting up a bit early and spend the first bit of the day with you.

What a difference small actions make in contributing to assurance, an acknowledgement, a word, a touch, a smile.

Looked at the Holy Spirit in Doctrine today. I realised for the first time the funny connection of birds and the use of the dove (random thought that jumped into my mind, which would have absolutely no significance for anyone else) How it’s never occured to me before, that funny way God that you bought back that promise this morning with those out the window and the one that made an apperance at lunch. That thought aside…

I got the strong impression taht I need to start fully trusting you with this ___ stuff, because I’m getting frustrated over the little things, stressing out and creating problems where they don’t need to be. Have it God. It was never our idea in the first place, but yours.

I wonder how peace ties in with decision making? If we are confident in you God, your leading whatever our move happens to be, you can use it. I guess it struck me that it may have been a situation where there was no right or wrong. That you were willing and able to run with whichever and besides, you knew what was going to happen in the first place. Is that why? That the peace will follow on, not what we are certain is right or best, but our trust in your ability to work in and through our circumstances. What, is it best to decide and then wait for peace? What about trusting God completely and the peace a product of that.

We shared Creative Living Projects today. I was deeply impacted by many, proud of all. Glad to understand more of who they are, encouraged to hear of their journies. Thankful I could share a little of my own. Thank you for the courage.

1 A psalm of Asaph.
Surely God is good to Israel,
to those who are pure in heart.
2 But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;
I had nearly lost my foothold.

3 For I envied the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

4 They have no struggles;
their bodies are healthy and strong.
5 They are free from the burdens common to man;
they are not plagued by human ills.

6 Therefore pride is their necklace;
they clothe themselves with violence.

7 From their callous hearts comes iniquity;
the evil conceits of their minds know no limits.

8 They scoff, and speak with malice;
in their arrogance they threaten oppression.

9 Their mouths lay claim to heaven,
and their tongues take possession of the earth.

10 Therefore their people turn to them
and drink up waters in abundance.

11 They say, “How can God know?
Does the Most High have knowledge?”

12 This is what the wicked are like—
always carefree, they increase in wealth.

13 Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure;
in vain have I washed my hands in innocence.

14 All day long I have been plagued;
I have been punished every morning.

15 If I had said, “I will speak thus,”
I would have betrayed your children.

16 When I tried to understand all this,
it was oppressive to me

17 till I entered the sanctuary of God;
then I understood their final destiny.

18 Surely you place them on slippery ground;
you cast them down to ruin.

19 How suddenly are they destroyed,
completely swept away by terrors!

20 As a dream when one awakes,
so when you arise, O Lord,
you will despise them as fantasies.

21 When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,

22 I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.

23 Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.

24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.

25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

27 Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.

28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.

If I had got on here earlier I would have seen the result of extreme annoyance, yeh if I start thinking about it again in the same light it will end up a vent with no particular hearer on the other end. Maybe I can rethink in a better attitude? maybe.

A few things, all relating to ‘friends’

J calls me up, she’s lost her Pract. Evang questions. She has other stuff she could go on with but insists that I scan and email her the info. First time I’ve reacted like I did in a long time. Pretty much flatly refused and said I had to call Sam (true) and hung up. I’m sick of her always depending on me to have things when she needs them, she had an opportunity to photocopy it but didn’t. A reminicence of a few years back, yes J and I get on eachothers nerves every now and then. She frustrates me. We are heaps closer than we ever were. It’s strange holding a friendship with your sister’s best friend. I ended up emailing her the questions but not without a ‘take responsibility message’ – had to have the last word. Thought I was over that. I’ll see her tomrrow.

I find out my friend Nat went and saw Starwars this morning. No huge deal, except we’d planned ever since we saw the last one together to see it. That plan still held a few weeks ago. I’ve always wondered about Nat. The others pretty much gave up on keeping any contact with her after school finished as she takes no initiative. I tried, not as hard as I could have. It is hard when it isn’t reciporated. She didn’t come to schoolies with us – 3 years in a friendship group and last minute she has to go to Queensland with her family. My guess with the Starwars thing is that her Dad decided to take her and she being Natalie could not say no I had other plancs. She never speaks her mind, passive passive. I can’t change her. But how could you live a life like that? You’d be miserable.

Jacqui’s too harsh on her maybe, but in some way’s she’s right. Nat’s too hard to read, she’ll never say what she thinks. I’d rather someone be outright with being angry or whatever then hold it inside and just use silence. Does she even care?

Jacqui’s an interesting one… her last year’s strong ‘I hate my church’ and that discussion we had. It was nice once in 3yrs to have a deep conversation. She’s grown, God you know what Jacqui needs. How glad I was to hear her ‘sml grp’ involvement. I should catch up with her.

Yesterday I get an email from ___. Wow, I still exist?! 2.5years, sidelined my end, I had let it go. What is it now? Stilted, awkward I don’t know you any more. It took a long time but it closed well and I was content to leave it there. Strange. why now? I dont think it would ever be the same, but I don’t know where things stand, can you just pretend, does it work that way?

Am I so good at cutting ties with people when I move on?

Are there only those few I want to, or who do make the effort that I bother with?
Jess D. Always my friend. I don’t understand why it works it just does.

and the other few I have been thrown back together with.

It is a new year, a new place, there are new people.

How many will last? How many will want to take the effort? How many just get to busy? I’m partially to blame. How much more value should I place upon friendships and deepening them?

I do not know why I do this – it is May not December. Why December – one point in the year to remember. Stuff Christmas in July, what about May? What about every month? A day to remember the birth and one to remember His death. Or would that detract from the once yearly celebrations? [/sarcasm – maybe]

Isaiah 40:3
A voice of one calling, “In the desert prepare the way for the LORD; make straight in the widerness a highway for our God. Every valley shall be raised up, every mountain and hill made low; the rough ground shall become level, the rugged places plain. And the glory of the LORD will be revealed, and all mankind together will see it. For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.”

It’s kind of pathetic how we only usually head to read the Christmas story around that time. I asked mum which one of the gospels had the most detailed account because I’d fogotten, so had she it seems. I asked Hannah and she thought I was testing her… okay.
So I’ll read Matthew – it’s first.

… so not the detailed account. 3 Chapters. But to return where the Isaiah passage left off:
John the Baptist in 3:11

“But after me will come one who is more powerful than I, whose sandals I am not fit to carry.”

Thank you God for the fulfilment, the promise of Jesus.
Help one point in each year not to be the only time I remember.
Your glory was revealed and will continue being revealed.
Help me to grasp the enormity of it all.
Help me to know you more.

later thoughts that didn’t make it onto paper…

So my Christmas was stuffed. My December 25th absorbed and consumed by a memory. It’s different doing it another time. Sure not the whole thing – hardly that for 30mins on a Friday night in May. It’s strange to put on ‘the Messiah’, quite without thinking and as a result set out urgently to find the Isaiah passage, the one that just makes it’s way into your hands quite naturally the other time of the year…

Not fit to carry his sandals…

What about a life with honesty and integrity? What about a life where we esteem You in your rightful place? What about a life where we cared less what others thought, and walked on ice but with confidence for you? What about a life of creativity and uniquness? What about a life where we asked the questions we were too afraid to ask? What about a life where we recognised each moment for what it was? What about a life where we would take those moments and make something of them? What about a life where we really knew and understood those we spend everyday with? What about a life where we acknowledged our failings our weaknesses and had the courage to change? What about a life where honor was more important then seeing that a person was either three steps back or three forward on the path of growth? What about a life where communication with you was more important than sharing who we are with another? What about a life where we would give our inconsistencies to you, a life where we could be ourselves? What about a life where love was predominant – Godly love? What about a life where we would set aside to be still and know God? What about a life where busyness could be pushed aside and the more important things take precedence? What about a life where we would recognise who you are? What about a life where we understood who we are from your perspective? What about a life where we could realise our dreams? What about a life that was not mediocre nor dry?

“Meaningless! Meaningless! says the Teacher. Everything is meaningless.” – Ecc 12:8

“Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter; Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man” – Ecc 12:13