Month: <span>August 2005</span>

been in my head all day. suits the mood as does the rain.

The Lines Of My Earth
Sixpence None the Richer

The lines of my earth, so brittle, unfertile, and ready to die.
I need a drink, but the well has run dry.
And we in the habit of saying the same things all over again,
For the money we shall make.

This is the last song that I write
‘Til you tell me otherwise.
And it’s because I just don’t feel it.
This is the last song that I write
‘Til you tell me otherwise.
And it’s because I just don’t feel it anymore.

It should be our time. This fertile youth’s black soil is ready for rain.
The harvest is nigh, but the well has gone dry.
And they in the habit of saying the same things all over again,
about the money we shall make.

This is the last song that I write
‘Til you tell me otherwise.
And it’s because I just don’t feel it.
This is the last song that I write
‘Til you tell me otherwise.
And it’s because I just don’t feel it anymore.

Tuesday Morning.

Jess should have been here to pick Sam and I up at 9:30.
She’s lost her keys.

The aim of this morning: swimming, head back to Tabor for lunch and then lovely NT class.

Em took the leftovers from last night… not overly happy about that. Chicken & Broccoli is my favourite 🙁

I’ll probably join Katie and go to the SRC (to replace Dave who’s away today). We have to work out budget/restrictions for the Tabor end of year party. Event Management in Lifeskills. I can see myself taking too much on – looking at my response first meeting. Silly Bec.
The SRC is ‘chaired’ (maybe not the right word) by a guy called Rohan – I think this could possibly be the Rohan in Burkie’s band… I may ask, I probably wont.

Jess C said GGBiggs is at Tabor on Tuesdays. That will be kind of weird, I believe she intends to point him out.

Seems that Laura worked out that Chrisso (also gush person) is in the 2nd year of the same ACU course.

People links everwhere.

It’s quite embarassing in some ways, almost every person that comes to lecture Tabor I have some kind of connection with. Deb, Age… Steven etc…

___ is rather frustrating me. Thought I was used to her and could just laugh at her. Been grating on my nerves lately – lets use the embarassing word again, because that’s what it is. Ah, you think I’d ‘get it’ by now.

But I’m rambling and this isn’t very interesting. Hopefully Jess will show up soon.
Swimming in Melbourne in Winter.
Aren’t we intelligent beings.

Re: catching up with Jess. I did do that. I did have the ‘hard conversation’ which I will not be sharing.

——-

The wanderings of a weekend mind. Somehow Monday always manages to draw me back to reality. I have a good life. I have amazing friends. I was today, and am a lot of the time extremely happy.

God does not feel so distant and my morning began with a…’goodmorning’. A though directed in His direction and a thought directed in mine. I don’t know how to explain it or if others even ‘get it’. But I love that.

Deb Hirsch and Age Rowse took over our seperated lot of classes for the day and it was all on Sexuality/Homosexuality. Genereally quite interesting.

There were more of those marriage/type conversations that have been coming up so regularly. Jo, Katie and I caught up for accountability.

It’s interesting how many relationship conversations have come up recently. How I don’t have a list of prerequisites. How I find it difficult to pinpoint ‘my type’ (of guy). I am actually pretty pleased about that.

On tonight, Humphrey and Lois B. came around for dinner. They are ‘grandparent’ aged friends of Mum and Dad’s (also counsellors). For family going through stuff with them about church split.
I did not feel the need to talk, nor want to in that seetting so I closetted myself in my room as usual, and did critical incidents stuff (2 written now). Walked past at one point and they were all around the table talking. Felt minorly guilty. I don’t really regret not discussing it. I simply can’t in a family setting.

Accountability. Talked to Katie/Jo how I was offered the advice to just pick a church and stick with it until God lets me know whether to move on. Katie thought it was a pretty good/sensible idea. So I guess here comes Careforce.

I do like it when I’m challenged. I just hope I have enough wisdom to listen and not stay through obligation if that’s what it comes to. I would like to visit Vineyard one of these days.
God your plans aren’t mine, show me what is good and right.

Psalm 63.

Ephesians 1:3-14

Went to L. Baptist this morning.
It was alright. A little traditional for me (ha. what happened. I used to like it that way) not really old, but a bit. The sermon was good, funny, relevant and sort of what I needed to hear.

1 John 3 stuff, and the end of 1 John 5.
On God’s love/children of God roughly speaking.

I don’t mind their evening services – more youth orientated.

I’m really not enjoying the whole concept of ‘church finding’. Its really quite difficult to sit through something. As if I don’t want to be in the place where I have to make the effort to find somewhere… wanting it just to happen.

Things like, they sang this old song: Channel of your peace or something…
and these lines:

Oh, Master grant that I may never seek
So much to be consoled as to console
To be understood as to understand
To be loved as to love with all my soul.

Was a big struggle to sing that, I dont think I even did. An ask yes, but honestly speaking, you/I want to be understood, loved etc… and ‘consoled’ when appropriate. I want someone to know me thouroughly.

“How great is the love the Father has lavished on us…” – 1 John 3:1

^understanding that is not very easy when you’re looking for it in more concrete forms. When your head dictates all, anounces the reason of, ‘of course, look at all He’s done’, but you heart wants to feel it and has a lot of difficulty doing so.

When wants aren’t met they way you want them to.

Nothing better to do huh?

Anything would have been.

I was bored out of my brains and did the only thing I could do to fill the time,
-eat random junk and feel yuck for it.
-say what HTTP stood for
-tell what pieces were involved in a particular chess move
-work out some of the word puzzles
yes I’m a nerd.

so many old/boring/irrelevant questions or those about ancient tv shows.

maybe I was just in a bad mood. I nearly said exactly what was on my mind to the same woman smoking outside the start and the end… that would be mentally heavily sarcastic.

It was huge, too big almost. Constant background noise for hours. Where’s my introvert cave?

They raised over $8000 which is impressive.

Solomons pictures on the screens at the start, that’s probably what killed the reasonable ‘anything goes’ mood.