Category: <span>General</span>

I’m sitting here, the sun is over my paper. The light shows up every slight pit and texture. Is that how it is when you look at me? Your light, your holiness exposes me. What looks smooth – white, ready to fill with words – when under close inspection looks rouch, is marred and dented. I could go on about metaphors – my mind creates them constantly. What do you see when you look at who I am? You know every detail, every smooth, every rough, every covered section. You know what words my choices will write on my life, you know what words I will let you write and those I’ll scrawl in my own impatience.
God you remind me over an dover how you chose me, how you love me. When I went to walk yesterday, to be alone, to even maybe spend some time talking with you – you were reminding me just how much you love me. It was strange but I hardly got a word in edgeways. You slowed me down. It wasn’t an overwhelming sense of anything, it wasn’t audible, it wasn’t filling, crowding my mind. Just a heightened sense of being right where I was, a greater reality. It was an understanding. Your still small voice. You don’t work like we do.
Those words fail to explain it, it wasn’t surprising or magnificent. I felt like me, not anything more.

This is how much you love me. More than experience here will allow me to understand. More than anyone can tell me, stress upon me. More than a walk and a faint idea. More than the words that can be written. More than a touch. More than a smile. Much more.

Nice discovery. Write in pencil and snoopy look over shoulder people on the train (I’m not one of those, I just eavesdrop) can’t see what you’re writing – although neither can you when you get home late and the lighting in your room is not fantastic.

After an extremely rushed 15min wake up (2nd time). sitting on the train mostly alseep I get to the Box Hill area and see the White Horse City Church – which stands out as it looks so… clean. I had been looking at the graffiti as you do when you stare blankly out train windows. There was a sign for their youth group: Xtreme Youth, painted graffiti style on their massive whitewashed building. I almost laughed, it struck me how in an attempt to ‘fit in’ they had created one massive barrier. Now I don’t know if people think about such things, but against the general mess and art of station wall graffiti it looked simply weak. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great youth group. I’ve been several times as one of my really good friends goes there – they have a fantastic community drop in centre etc… but yeah.
Does anyone stand back and look at a simple thing like signage objectively… because I do.

…half an eavesdrop, bought to mind the topic of ‘Boundries’. It’s interesting when you see a ‘couple’ on the train – whom you strangely admire. Not talking about physical boundries or anything here… but the guy was talking to the girl about setting some boundries – I don’t know what about – but really stressing something to her that she needed to mmm set boundries (mmm words are coming thick and fast tonight). I doubt I would have noticed it had I not been told this week’s lifeskills topic was, “boundries”, had a conversation with Jo about wanting to find out a bit more – not the physical side of things, that’s always kind of obvious. But the mental, emotional boundries -something I wonder about on and off, but never come to any conclusions on.
Frankly I don’t have a clue.

When I hit a point of having more than 6hrs sleep the night before I might decide to think about it.

It was an interesting threesome, no foursome. Two guys, a girl and a baby. Really mmm… how to put it? Aussie. Slang- their words really down to earth, with the occasionaly four letter one thrown in. Talking loudly and natrually on the train. So unlike most snobby, self concerned others. Rough kind of people – maybe not stacks of education. I couldn’t work out who was the dad at first. It’s so completely bizzare to see a guy going all ‘soft’ over showing a tracksuit they bought for ‘her’. The friend was holding her (the baby) – just looked really at ease. The baby can’t have been quite 1yr, on his lap perfectly content. A curious mix of, ‘We don’t have a clue what parenting is all about, we’re new to this.’ and the ingrained ability to care.
Despite the language, the rough and ready, dole bludger appearance (which is kind of judgemental… but how do you explain?) I think it was a better situation for the kid than an overprotective, sanitised, fantatical, ‘knowledgeable’ couple.
Oh I doubt they were married. I felt sorry for the kid at first – think of environment, but I changed my mind. She was happy.

God, I’m sorry. I jump to conclusions on first apperances. You are the only one that should judge – who has the right to. Help me to see people for who they really are, the way you see past each of my mistakes. Show me God how you see others and teach me to look at them the same way.

So people use blogs and dump up fairly irrelevant results of quizzes, (OK I confess, sometimes they are interesting), but they really don’t tell you very much of the person unless you’ve seen the questions that have given them their score – Oh yes you can follow the link given and do the quiz yourself… But this often involves signing up to something you will frequent that once and continue receiving spam for every other time that you don’t visit.

I was wondering how you could ‘tell a bit more about yourself’ (just random facts/quirks etc.) in a more unique way, and although I hardly think this will let you know much more about me. I’m going to try it to satisfy my own curiosity… This is some of what I think about when I spend my 3hrs of Thursday public transport without book or music (a rare and frustrating occurrence).

The five senses…
Hearing, sight, taste, touch, smell…

Hearing

The notables:

Music – clearly obvious. I don’t know many if any who don’t like music to an extent, except for my 10 year old self. I built up for myself a ‘I don’t like music’ persona for some stupid reason or other. My guess is that it was a comment on some music my sister liked and I decided to get stubborn and not like it. I really did go through a phase where I was extremely selective and overtly against it. I did like Classical music (don’t laugh) and I still do – although I rarely listen to it.

More on music… Handel’s Messiah is the one piece of music I would love to see performed live – along with my ‘Hobbit’ reading tradition (every Christmas Eve), I often fail to mention the accompaniment (being the afore mentioned).

To quote a friend about music, “I love any music with a good beat”… I love the clever use of piano. I like harmonies – unusual ones. i.e. I stopped hanging around to hear Kaya (on Xfactor) once they left, waste of time kind of television anyway.

Despite these particular ‘likes’, I don’t think that my entire music collection really demands them. I think I was about 13 or 14 before I ever owned a CD, I now own more than my 3 sisters (put together might be stretching it, but it would be close).

Hearing… I love the sounds certain words/phrases make. Be it ‘flirting with words’ as my head sometimes refers to it. Exploring unusual combinations (which I ‘hear’ in my head)…. Had to get it in somewhere. I also like clever song lyrics that twist words to mean different things despite saying the same thing.

Rain on a tin roof… No, make that rain full stop. A common favourite. The best way to go to bed is with that sound.

Laughter… If it’s not ‘nice’, it’s funny because it sounds so terrible.

A lone trumpet 🙂

Pet hearing hates:
-Sister’s singing (Laura or Hannah) not all the time, but particularly when they are doing it purposely to annoy you.
-My dog, when I’m sitting on the veranda trying to do something other than giving him full attention.
-Wirebush on carpet, similar cringe factor to nails on a blackboard.
-Gold 104.3 it is a rare moment when this is pleasant.
-Parties with loud music/ the ‘doof doof’ variety. I’d rather be able to have a conversation without screaming, thanks.
-Certain Connex trams with high pitched squeals, it gets close to unbearable after 10 minutes and will undoubtably last the other 70.

And the best, (although in select situations) is…

Silence.

and a few other ‘hearing’ facts just for the sake of it:

I occasionally – but not for a long time, have had my ears ringing, this is understandably frustrating… used to have trouble with ear infections when I was younger, maybe a byproduct.

I have heard an earthquake before it happened.

… The strangest being was waking up in the middle of the night and hearing this weird yell… Completely isolated, quite scary. I’ve never worked out if it was a dream or an actual someone.

hmm this has taken longer than intended.
stopping now.

It’s interesting God, how I mention a slow down – thinking this is what I so desperately need/want and I find myself sitting here with nothing particularly urgent to do. It’s good, no not to be continually passive, but to take a little time to reflect on your greatness. To be still.