To use another post to point out a ‘good read’,
this post over on Carolyn McCulley’s blog, Priorities and Decisions: Human Beings or Doings is worth some thought. I know my life has been feeling pretty insane due to ‘not enough time’ lately.
Some of my struggle with time is knowing what I want to be doing and what I have to do (like uni) and opting for doing what I’d rather be doing (because in a sense I can argue that it’s more important to who I am) and still not ever fully getting the worth out of the half hearted effort I put there – probably due to the fact that I’ve got all these other ‘tasks’ weighing over my head.
Or I start doing stupid things like pushing sleep further and further back, just so I can finish everything.
Unfortuantely although Beth and I have discussed the possibility of a 28hr day – it’s not going to work.
It’s easy to talk to God and get caught up in blah’ing out our busy lives to him or to others and not really make the effort to listen properly.
Someone on Wednesday night – I think Evie might’ve said that, perhaps we are really a lazy society. We work 5 days, we rest 2 days – regardless of religion (I am generalising of course). We were discussing the Sabbath principle – there doesn’t feel like a whole lot of time for any of that really. I fill my ‘days off’ with far, far too much.
Little things are starting to get to me, like the fact I haven’t sat down and really read/finished anything for almost a month.
On that fine note – I have another assignment due Wednesday. A big one. I’m trying to work out when I’m going to have the time. I skipped my one lecture again today so I could get some ebaying done, in hope to clear some more time for homework, but other things have come up and I’m still where I should’ve been at 11:00 this morning.
Threats towards my blogging come in several forms, usually somewhat like the following:
“Hurry up and post or else…”
“Your blog font is too small”
“You write too much”
I don’t know if this is seeking to redeem any of them, but as got mentioned today, people might start seriously thinking I’m missing so I decided I’d better post (IT’S ONLY BEEN ONE DAY!)
You will also notice, or the strain on your eyes will have lessened and I’m about to tell you why: the font has been upsized! Please feel free to comment on the betterment or the uglyness of this ‘trial choice’.
As for stating my case why I haven’t posted. I have an assignment due mid-day tomorrow which is still very much in the process of being completed (hence more procrastination on here). I have been getting home late, due to spending time with marvellous people, at least one of which I’d rather spend time with than blog.
I am sorely sorry I didn’t have some kind of recording device on me last night, because we were at young ad’s after and TimO/Geoff/Tom and I were in a group praying for eachother and talking some stuff through re: life. And Tim was doing his Mr. Analysis thing on what I’d just said and worded quite well where I am at. As for all of it, I’m still processing what I cannot grasp, and as a wise friend pointed out, perhaps it’s time for me to relinquish a bit more of that control (that’s a very big paraphrase).
When I’m sitting in my room or simply alone there are things people simply don’t see or I don’t let them see. From a vast number of really strange facial expressions, to reactions to events, news or otherwise, and reactions to say, something God shoves in my face.
So the following – if you’d care to have a sneak preview into a random Bec expression, had me saying, “wow, wow, wow” and looking like a fool, quite to myself especially as it was quite out of the blue.
“Let your roots grow down into him and draw up nourishment from him, so you will grow in faith, strong and vigorous in the truth you were taught. Let your lives overflow with thanksgiving for all he has done.” Colossians 2:7 (NLT)
What ‘letting my roots grow down into him and draw up nourishment from him’ exactly means for me I’m not so sure. Is it a two step phase? If so, where am I at the moment? The growing down? The drawing up?
Something I do recall being said the other night and something I’ve been getting the idea of, is that God is quite intentionally pushing me down a slightly different route to how I’m used to experiencing him/knowing him/loving him. It’s a bittersweet thing (more bitter than sweet) to kiss goodbye to my brain and intense thought workings and hand it over to the foreign arena of what I might dub, ‘the feeling zone’ or even simply: experience. So, I sort of know where things are at.
My question to God is: “I know I’m in the canoe… when can I have a paddle?”
(and the photo is simply an example of a weird facial expression, if you thought I was just making things up!)